Holy cow!

Ok now this one’s a hoot. I was racking my brains for a couple of fiction blog entries, but this simply had to be put up right now.

This took place yesterday. I am spending sometime with some relatives in Kerala. There is a famous temple nearby where I visit whenever I am here… mainly for the sheer view from the place (it’s on a hill-top) and the peace and tranquillity one feels there, rather than for the sake of actual worship. So as was usual on every visit, this time also I made my way to the temple with one of my friends (whom I shall name as ‘S’ here, for now).

There is a huge banyan tree on the backside of the temple, standing at the base of which one can see for miles and miles around. The view is breathtaking, to say the least. So after visiting the main shrine, getting the prashad and checking out the scenery on the front side, we decided to move to the back. Now just as we were reaching the banyan tree, an ox made its appearance from behind it. My friend S slowed down next to me. “Umm… are you sure we should be moving on? I don’t like the look of that thing.”

I paused next to her. The ox gave us a disinterested glance and started making its way down the side of the hill-slope. “See? Nothing to it. That was harmless. Now let’s go around the banyan tree and take a look at the view from there,” I announced. Barely had we taken two steps forward when the next ox made its appearance from behind the tree. What was this? Houdini’s magic make-an-ox-appear-out-of-thin-air day?

Now the second one didn’t seem as harmless. He stopped short on seeing us and eyed us with interest. I swear its expression seemed like: “Now when the hell did Mother Nature create two pathetic creatures like these?!” My friend S started slowly inching backwards. “I don’t like the glint in this animal’s eye (!) Can we move already?”

This time I didn’t argue. Trying to pretend it didn’t matter at all, S and I turned around and started heading our way calmly towards the main temple area. The ox apparently took a sudden liking to S and decided to follow us! So there we were, moving into the enshrined area with an apparently interested ox following close on our heels!

We made our way down the stone steps. While S waited at the foot of the steps, I ducked into next level on which the shrine of Hanuman was kept. The ox followed us for a couple of steps, then paused. He eyed S with distaste, apparently suddenly finding her not so …er… approachable? He turned, saw me disappear to the other shrine, decided I was the better specimen and followed hot on my footsteps. I was standing in front of the shrine when I heard S scream, “Ohmigod, Ash, it’s coming for you!!”

I whirled around, half expecting Terminator or Godzilla to be behind me and suddenly realised the amused ox had followed me there. OK, so now this was getting ridiculous. Granted, I was born into the Chinese Year of the Ox, but this was too much! Maybe Mr Ox thought I was a cow in my last birth (and possibly resembled it in this birth too perhaps?) and decided to pursue me a bit. I shook off the horrible idea and decided on a switch of plan.

Slowly I backed off and decided to take a walk around the shrine. Maybe it will get the hint and disappear. To my horror, Mr Ox started following me. Nodding his head from side to side gently, his footsteps firm and steady, there he was, moving persistently behind me! So for the next few minutes, the ox and I started playing musical chairs around the shrine, going round and round until I started feeling dizzy. The ox didn’t seem to mind in the least.

“Do something!!” I yelled, looking around for S and then saw that my friend was doubling up with laughter. I glared at her. “Stop laughing and DO something, you moron! Help me!” I shouted.

Fortunately for me, one of the temple priests who spotted the scene came and shooed the ox away. The ox, who had apparently been enjoying the whole thing, gave the temple priest one last disgusted look for destroying the fun and went off with his chin high in the air. I let out a sigh of relief and stopped the Merry-go-Round routine.

“You needn’t have worried. This ox belongs to the temple. We always have it on the premises. Haven’t you noticed?” he asked, amused.
I felt myself go red in the face. “Er…the ox belongs to the temple?” I repeated stupidly and tried to cover up lamely, “Oh I didn’t know that. Then I wouldn’t have worried so much. I thought somebody had just let it to graze…”
“No, no, we have many cows and oxen here. In fact, we have just let a few of them loose here on the premises just now. You will see them as your round the bend over there. They’re all tame, don’t worry!” he assured us.

S and I started moving again. We rounded the corner, with me scolding her for being so unhelpful and she trying to control her helpless laughter…. And we both froze. A few of them??? In front of us were atleast a herd of FIFTY cows/oxen looking at us disgustedly as if to say: “What are YOU lookin’ at??” Looked like we crashed in on their international conference!

“Holy sh…um…” S swallowed the curse.
“Holy…um…cow?” I offered helpfully.
“Whatever. How do we get out of here?” she asked me.
I was stumped. The fellows were blocking the exit that was 30 feet ahead of us. It was either make our way through the maze of oxen to the exit far ahead, or to back-track the whole way and leave from the entrance doorway. No prizes for guessing what we chose. I guess the temple authorities must have had a hearty laugh to see two ardent devotees suddenly rocket-pacing into space trying to exit from the temple through the entrance way!!


P.S.: FYI, yes this REALLY did happen! And yes, my relatives and own parents laughed the hardest and the longest. So much for comfort from my family! :-P Sigh...