Shoe-shop shenanigans!

Aloha, folks! Currently I am enjoying a well-earned break at my hometown Trivandrum in Kerala... and joining my new job next month. My would-be boss has already warned me to enjoy my remaining time away from the madness of career world, so I am wisely listening to his advice. See? He’s already earned my respect, the dear fellow!! :D

One of my blogmates was asking me on chat as to what my next post would be. I replied with a grin that being in one’s hometown in a relaxed mood... will automatically get the creative juices flowing. Either that, or something stupid or comic is bound to happen to me anyway. I wasn’t disappointed.

This morning, I entered a leather-goods-cum-shoe shop in search of an overnight bag. From there began my encounter with the hostile beings from another planet .

The shop wore a deserted look and I wasn’t sure whether or not to approach it. Since there were few customers other than me, I thought it would automatically translate into individual attention plus a quicker purchase. Hah! Boy, was I ever wrong!

I stepped inside the two-storied shop and asked the first salesman I saw regarding an over-night travel bag. He pointed me to their upper storey where bags are kept. I went up the stairs and walked into a single room where there were bags of all shapes and sizes kept, including VIP suitcases. The only other customer in the shop apart from me, was perusing through some suitcases while a salesgirl was opening and shutting them at alarming speed.

I looked around. There were 2 other salesgirls busy in their own work so I politely cleared my throat, trying to gain their attention. No use. They kept on with their work; one keeping rucksacks into a cover and the other dusting a travel bag. I cleared my throat a little louder. The salesgirl who was dusting the travel bag stopped her work and turned around, as if surprised at the interruption.

SalesGirl1 (in a bored, disinterested tone): Hmm...entha vendathu? (What do you want?)
I blinked. Oooook, so did I interrupt her daydream?
She sounded like I was trespassing on personal property and she was demanding an explanation.

Me: Umm... I’d like to see one of your overnight cases please.
SalesGirl1: Oh... you mean travel bag
Duh! Then what did you think I meant... school bags??
I pointed to the one behind her.
Me: I’d like something like that, but in a smaller size.
SalesGirl1(staring at me): I don’t think we have anything smaller than that.
The way she was looking at me was as if I had asked for an overnight travel bag the size of a matchbox.

Then reluctantly she left her dusting job and went to the other side of the room. There she removed a huge VIP suitcase from the shelf. By then I was staring at her as if she’d gone bonkers. To my relief, behind that large suitcase were a variety of small travel bags, out of which she gave me one.

Me (examining it): Does this have a warranty?
SalesGirl1: No, but you can bring it in for maintenance if something goes wrong
Maintenence? What did she think this was?! A microwave oven perhaps?

Finally I selected the same one and went downstairs for the billing. A little away from the billing counter, there were some footwear displayed. I needed some open-ended sandals for daily use... so I started looking through the displayed specimens. The SalesGuy I met when I came first came inside, hopped and skipped enthusiastically to reach the counter and looked at me hopefully. More out of pity for him than my own interest, I asked him to show me some of the sandals. I finally selected one and asked him to show that in my size. He nodded his head so vigorously that I feared it would drop off altogether, then rushed to the basement – possibly where their store room is.

I waited patiently... and started browsing through the other items in the shop. On a nearby counter, there were a variety of plastic dabbas and the likes kept. I wandered over, trying to remember what it was that my mother wanted me to buy. I might have looked dazed a moment, trying to recollect. Before I knew it, there was another sales-girl who jumped into the way before me blocking me from walking into the counter.

SalesGirl2 (looking at me suspiciously): Enthanu? (Yes...what?)
I blinked. Sheesh! Maybe they should change the name of this shop to Enthanu vendathu (what do you want)...it sure seemed like their motto!

I realised SalesGirl2 was still staring at me like an immigration official who discovered a flaw in my passport.
Me: Do you have those plastic zipper pouches?
SalesGirl2 (staring at me as if I escaped from a mental asylum): What??
Me: You know... those plastic water-tight pouches with zips?
SalesGirl2 (muttering uncertainly): No I don’t think we have those.
I shrugged, shook my head and walked back to the shoe-display area, by which time the tired looking Sales-Guy came back up.

Sales-Guy1: Sorry madam, we don’t have any in your size.
Wow! Thanks a lot for making my feet sound like the size of Godzilla’s feet!
Me: OK never mind! What about this one?
I pointed to another model, and the enthusiastic guy pounced on it before disappearing down the stairs into the basement again. What did they have down there anyway? An experimental lab where they tried their tests on shoes? And then give them to innocent customers? For eg: shoes that have an inexplicable bounce in them when they are used?

Once again I started my rounds within the shop. I am sure the microbes and bacteria in that shop would have also been looking bored...provided I could see them.
I have a severe dust allergy problem, and by the time I walked past an area where another Sales-Guy was dusting some knick-knacks, I couldn’t control my instincts. I had barely enough time to grab a tissue from my bag before I sneezed 3-4 times non-stop. I sat down on a nearby chair. When I looked up, I realised the Sales-Guy had moved some 20 feet away from me. I looked at him puzzled for a minute before realisation dawned.
Of course! He suspects I’ve swine flu!
I grinned.
OK you want swine flu? I’ll give you swine flu!
I scrunched up my nose and pretended to sneeze about 5 times more, by which time the owner of shop who had been sitting snoring at the counter shook himself awake and stared at me. I was about to sniffle my nose and cough a bit for more effect, when suddenly Sales-Guy1 walked out with the footwear.

Reluctantly I stood up and went to try the shoes.
SalesGuy1 (looking sheepish): Sorry madam, we don’t have the colour you want. But we have a similar model here. You can try this on.
Me (looking at him exasperated): But I wanted that colour!
SalesGuy1 (pleading): Madam, this colour is better. Please try it!

I hate seeing grown men cry, so finally I gave in and tried on the pair. To be honest, they were looking decent. I tried to walk around to the front of the shop to see how they felt. Within a second, there was SalesGirl2 blocking the path. I think these people thought I was going to walk off in those chappals!

SalesGirl2: Madam, the mirror is that-a-way!
Me (patiently): I know... I wanted to walk a bit and see how these are.
She reluctantly moved out of the path. I went back to the mirror just once to take a look and walked back again. The next moment, SalesGuy2 was in my path.
SalesGuy2: Madam, the mirror is there!
Wow, Einstein! I didn’t know that!
Me (patience lost): I have eyes... I can see!
Alarmed, he moved out of the way and I stomped off toward the exit for added effect. They waited in bated breath and finally heaved a sigh of relief when I turned around at the exit and came back to the counter.

Me: Fine, I’ll take these. This and the bag please.
After a hurried billing session, I was about to walk off when suddenly...
SalesGuy1 (in the tone of ‘Eureka!!’): Madam, MADAM!!!
I turned around, alarmed, half-expecting him to say he discovered a substitue for petrol. SalesGuy1 had reappeared from the depths of the dungeon store-room.

SalesGuy1 (looking triumphant): We found the pair in the colour you wanted!!!
The expression on his face was if he was expecting me to pat him on the back for being a genius. That was it. I couldn’t control anymore. I burst out laughing.
The smile on the guy’s face faded. He scratched the back of his head, looking sheepish. I controlled my laughter with difficulty and turned to exit.

Me (smiling and waving a cheerful goodbye): That’s ok...you can keep them!

May such lunatics characters live forever! Amen! :D

P.S.: Pic taken off Google