Had been planning this post for awhile now, but had wanted to put it up once I moved to WP (Yes guys, you have bothered me enough already!! :D ) But unfortunately work at office and some health issues made blogging take a backseat, and I realised that if I wait until I entirely setup the WP page I might have to stop blogging altogether, considering the long pause it has caused!
I am working on the WP page for now. In the meantime, shall be updating this blog like before. Here's the 2nd part of the much awaited matrimony post!! :D Enjoy!
Btw, this being my 25th post n all, I'd like to consider it a milestone in itself....
reminding me to continue writing/blogging
...and to be thankful to have gained such an audience within a short span of time :-) Love ya guys n gals!!
Proudly announcing: :D :D :D
Matrimonial mish-mashes – Part II
Note: To read the first part of this post, see here. This post is written from my Amma’s and step-dad’s point of view. Enjoy! :-) At my expense, that is! LOL
This post does contain some amount of exaggeration as compared to Part I, but what the hell, it’s all in good fun right?
P.S.: Any eligible guys or their mothers reading this blog post are kindly advised to leave the premises immediately. If planning to proceed reading, they are kindly requested to take precautionary measures/medicines not to get heart attacks in between.
This has been put together from various conversations I’ve had with my mother and step-dad. I had been been to their place for 10 days… break before joining work.
Amma: Now that you have a job and all, we need to think ahead.
Me (pretending to be innocent): You mean move ahead and get a promotion already? My boss won’t allow that so soon!
Unfortunately the sarcasm just bounced off her. Amma (still dreamy): Yes it’s a promotion but of a different kind!
I rolled my eyes and pretended not to listen.
Amma: I’d like a guy with…
Amma: A mustache!
Me (exasperated): Ammaaaaa!! I am talking about the guy’s qualities!
Amma: Oh ok ok. Can’t I just say what’s on my mind? Now let me see… He should come from a good family…
Me: Hmm…ok. What else?
Step-dad (cutting in): Ask him to come and meet us first of all. Let me have a talk with him and I’ll decide!
Uh-oh! I hear alarm bells ringing!
My step-dad is a lawyer… with a killer sense of humour! That’s like a deadly combination. You won’t know what hit you… he can be sarcastic and pull the legs off you… and you won’t realise it because he’s so charming and witty about it. Basically, the poor guy (who comes to ask for my hand) is screwed.
Amma: Don’t you have any eligible bachelor blog friends??
Whaaaat??? Uh-oh… where was this heading??
I swore never to let her see or access - not even by mistake - two people's profile... one who carries the quintessential hope of Ms Z and the other who perennially loves bathrooms … (P.S.: this conversation happened before the latter’s engagement. So that’s one down now!)
Looks like I'll have to get the other hitched to someone for my own safety!!!
The qualities continued.
Amma: He should be simple. Preferably a teetotaller and non-smoker.
Me (looking doubtful): Are you sure? Is it all that important in today’s world?
Amma (continuing as if she hadn’t heard me): And prefer a simple life…
Me (irritated): Hey! Let ME be the judge of that, ok? I am the one who is going to live with him!
Amma (frowning): Do you want me to finish what I’m saying or not???
I frowned back at her, looking alarmingly similar.
Dad interfered smoothly and set us apart… I’ve always thought he should take up referee-ing.. it suits him!
There was silence for a moment before I started again.
Me (*evil grin*): In fact I know just the picture to show the eligible guys and their families. I have this photo of myself from the UK dressed up as a witch during Halloween. It was a proper costume with hooked nose, fake claws and black cape. All that was missing was a broomstick! In fact I can dress up in that when the guy comes to “see” me. I am thinking of zooming around on an imaginary broomstick before him! Wow! What an idea!
I was met with silence. I turned around to see Amma and dad stare at me as if I just escaped from the looney-bin.
Amma (still staring): Tell me I didn’t hear that
Dad (smirking): You did. So did I!
Me: In fact I am also thinking of telling him I turn into a werewolf at night! If he still continues with the proposal it means he really loves me right?
Amma stared at me in alarm, as if she were having heart attack, asthma and gas trouble all at one go. “Jeez, relax!! Can’t you take a joke?!” I hastily reassured her.
Unfortunately she didn’t look convinced.
Now I am afraid she will gag me with choloform and take me out on a stretcher, for fear of me saying something like this when the guy’s family comes home!!
My case will go down in history as the first case of girl seeing where the girl is unconscious when it happens! In fact, they may continue the trend upto the marriage mandap and wake me up just before the mangalsutra tying! OK OK… I am letting my imagination run riot! :D
That night I discussed the situation with a friend of mine. She suggested telling the boy’s parents that I have AIDS. I was banned from talking to her after that. Sheesh! Mothers of children eligible do NOT have a sense of humour; they simply cannot take a joke :-/
That’s when I came to realise that the law of indirect proportion applies here. The closer one’s child is to marriageable age, the more hyper the mother becomes and the less becomes her ability to tolerate jokes! I am not sure when the stage of hysteria will set in… maybe I when I hit the 30 year mark in 6 years time and I am still unmarried because I haven’t found a boy
One of my other friends who visited my home happened to mention an even bigger blunder.
She: But where would you hold the wedding? In your dad’s place or mom’s place? They are both in two cities right?
Oops…wrong thing to say, she realised too late.
My mom overheard it and started give me dirty looks. I hastily took my friend out of the house fearing another ensuing ban.
We sat outside on the porch and discussed random stuff.
She: You keep hearing so many dowry deaths these days, and not just in poor families. It makes one scared to even think of marriage. (And this coming from someone who eloped to get married a year back! The world is full of loonies… I am NOT the only one! )
Me (grinning): Hmm so what? I plan to walk into the house with a can of petrol and a box of matches. One should be prepared!
My friend (taking me seriously): What?!! You will contemplate suicide???
Me *evil grin*: Are you mad? I’m talking about setting cruel in-laws on fire. Tit for tat! I will avenge the death of so many poor girls the world over! What fun! Wheee!!
Unfortunately my mom happened to pass by and overheard the last bit.
That was the last I ever saw that friend. My mom had her permanently banned from the house. And I am forbidden to mouth any more smart-ass dialogues.
Sigh… And they say life is easy for today’s youth! :-(
More to follow soon, folks! This series ain’t gonna come to an end anytime soon! :D