Matrimonial mish-mashes Part 3 !

Ok so here comes part 3 after Part 1 and Part 2. I should have posted this by December, since most of the incidents here happened then. But never got around to it, plus got stuck with other posts which gained priority over this. But c’mon I cannot ignore this hit series ;-) These are random incidents and dialogues picked up from different days, referring to the same context.

My cousin came home one day with a huge grin on his face.
Him: We heard you are publicly listed on the stock exchange and are waiting for shares offers/quotes now!!! :D
I stared at him.
Him (with a cheeky grin): I mean you are listed on the matrimonial website!!!

My brother doubled up in laughter. Before I could beat up my cousin for suggesting it, my bro came in between and we went back to my room. There are steps leading upto my room and I guess I wasn’t paying attention. I was talking to my cousin looking elsewhere… missed a step and THUD!! I literally went down my er…bottom… sliding down the steps, going literally bump bump bump on each step before sliding to a stop on the last step.
Bro: Wow! Talk about falling for someone before meeting him!

I hurt my…er…ego by falling down hence was not in a position to respond.

And so… the search began in earnest. As with the start of any new venture, the newness of it was interesting and I did login once in awhile to check up on profile interests received. After rejecting many profiles, one of them…written beautifully….caught my eye. Just the right dose of laughter and genuineness in the language.

I accepted interest from it and showed it to my brother for surety.
Me: I kinda like this guy. He looks a bit like the goonda in Malayalam filmdom!
Mom (staring at me): I’ve heard girls liking guys because they look like Prince Charming or some film actor, but this is the first time I’m hearing something like this!!
Me: You know I really like this guy… something tells me he’s looking for girls right out of mental hospitals. I fit the bill! :D
Mom : *faints*

At that time a certain someone had been free enough to reply to messages and come on chat.
The first comment I got when I forwarded that profile to him?
Vimal: It’s written very well but yikes! He’s 6’2’’ and equally broad! And can’t you see what his face looks like?? What is he… the hulk or something? Reject him NOW!
Me: Sigh… :- ...

Looked like this was going to be tougher than imagined!
The search continued.

Mom and dad were all gung-ho about editing the profile and adding changes to it after consulting my interests.

Mom: Ok so tell me. Do you want South-Indian or North Indian etc
Me: I believe in equality for all! :D I am not racist!

Mom (rolling her eyes): Do you have any preferences about the guy?
Me: Yes. I want him to be a good dancer. He should have a mole on his right below like me. Hmm let’s see what else?

Mom looked at me bewildered for a moment before spotting my cheeky grin.

The questioning continued. After awhile I started to get bored.
Me (grumbling): I can’t do this yaar. I am allergic to husbands!
Dad: Really? Then how will you have children? You are generally good with kids!
Me (grumbling under my breath): You don’t need a husband to have a kid!

Silence.
Too late, I realised from the panicked expression on my dad’s face that he heard it.

Dad: Is that what you are going to tell him when you first meet him?
Me (after long thought): Hmmmm…..! No, I’ll say: Dude, your shirt and socks don’t match. And I’ll add some hysterical laughter. What say?

By this time mom and dad were at the end of their tether.
Dad: You have to take this seriously!! Everyone need not understand your brand of so-called humour! What if you marry someone who is a possessive type? He sees a pic of some guy in your cupboard…what would you say?
I was ready for this one by then.
Me (cheerfully): I’ll just say ‘honey this was me before the gender-change operation’!!

Last I heard, mom and dad are planning to disown me. If any of you guys have free rooms at your place, please let me know. I am likely to need it very soon :-/


P.S.:
This bit happened recently. I was down in Chennai for a couple of days. Mom had called me up in between.
This is how part of the conversation went.
Mom: You are also visiting your uncle there na. Tell him to get a good boy from there then.
Me (frowning): I told you I don’t see myself going down that line immediately!! Don’t you have anything better to think about?!
Mom (puzzled pause): What?

Then she started laughing.
Mom: I was referring to getting a boy here for household help. The earlier one has quit, we need someone new here.
Me (mortified): Huh?!! Oh..jeez!!! Er…umm…well…
Mom (still laughing): Which means that’s the only thought you have in mind these days. So the cat is out of the bag. Now we will have to search harder!
Me: WHAT??? No wait, listen! That’s because you guys scare me into worrying about…
*Phone clicks* She hung up
Yeesh! :-/

I give up…!