C'est la vie, mon ami... (That's life, my friend)

Welcome to WP!

2010-12-03T01:31:00.001+05:30

YES!!! I am FINALLY making the move!!!

This was what the long gap and silence meant....
I welcome you all to my new blog........ (under ~~coercion with fist-fights~~ popular demand)
http://thatslifemyfriend.wordpress.com/

Kindly make the changes to your reader!
See you there! :-)

Happy Diwali !!!

2010-11-06T00:00:00.002+05:30

Wishing everyone a happy, safe and prosperous Diwali !

Matrimonial Mish-mashes - Part VI

2010-10-24T02:07:00.002+05:30

Yes, the journey continues....

Most saddening moment:

The repeated use of the word ‘fair’ for partner preference. Sad..really… if people really judge girls by the colour of their skin…

No wonder fairness creams sell so much in our country

Most amusing moment:

Comment by a guy describing his family:

“My family is very friendly than me…I think.” (!!! )

Make up your mind, doofus! And then create your profile :P
Most annoying moment(s):

Relatives who ask: Hmm we heard your marriage is almost fixed.

When you politely deny it, they turn sympathetic. “It’s ok…I am sure a good guy will come for you soon…be brave. We’ll pray for you.”

HUH???

What makes them assume I am downing anti-depression pills for that??? Did I meet with an accident and am fighting for my life for them to pray for me??? Actually they should be saying that once the marriage is fixed…and offer prayers…FOR THE GUY who comes to marry me!! :D

My dad drove me nuts for the last 2 proposals that came my way.

Morning he talks to me: Did they call?
Me: No dad, there is time yet. You only gave them my number YESTERDAY!

Evening: Did they call?

Me (sigh): NO dad it’s a working day…even if they did call I wouldn’t have had a chance to properly interact with them.

Next day morning: Did they or did they not?

Me: Aaaaaaaaaaaaargghhh!!!

So much so that I felt like calling up the guy and slapping him for not calling - not for my sake, but just to keep my dad quiet!

In fact even worse was my dad’s obsession to connect everything I do to getting married.
I have a habit of occasionally talking in a kid’s voice…when I try to be cute…usually with my parents or bro only. When he hears it, he says: Don’t do that, people will get wrong impression of you!!

I try my usual mimicry and antics and comments that is part and parcel of me and he goes: Stop being a joker! What will people think of your image???

OMG!!! By the end of it I was ready to be admitted to a mental asylum!

On hearing this one of my friends helpfully suggested: You are already mental…then what difference does it make?!!!!

I am touched that my friend knows me so well…really!

Considering the number of proposals that have been coming in, I am really feeling like a chicken being chased all over the compound by different people (relatives/parents) before being captured and taken for slaughter!!!

Question that was once asked to me: Do you mind if the guy has very close girl buddies?

I laughed. In today’s day and age, if the guy does NOT have any female buddies, THEN I would have reason to worry!!

Most grin-worthy moment (“I have a dream”):

In my last MM post – anybody who has read it will not forget my rockstar grandfather :D

Continuing on those lines, while I was in Kerala, my grandpa narrated this to me. “I had a dream,” he said.

Me: Of getting me married??

G: No, literally. I had a dream. That you got married.

Me: What!! How? When??

G: Some days back. I dreamt that you called me up. And told me you are in love with an industrialist from Mumbai whom you met through work. And that you know your parents won’t agree so you are going to elope with him.

Me: Huh?!

G: Arre listen na! So you call me up. And I panic. I tell you to wait. Then I catch the next flight to Mumbai, call your uncle who lives in Mumbai, for company. We both take you to the temple and get you married to the guy.
Me: What?!!

G (grinning): So after the marriage, both you and the guy go to his home. He has a widowed mother, who receives you both with open arms.

By this time my uncle doubled over with laughter saying: Very convenient dream…less number of parents to deal with!

My grandpa passed him a dirty look and continued: So then there is the task of meeting your parents. I quickly slip away from the scene leaving that to you!

Me (smirk evident on face): Brilliant!

G (continuing as if I haven’t commented at all): So you and the guy go to Delhi yourselves. It’s a working day and your dad is getting busy to go to work.

Uncle: Wow! Talk about attention to detail !

G: And then you walk in through the door, call out to dad. Your mom is surprised, your dad is shell-shocked. Both you and the guy fall at his feet. Your dad finally ends up blessing you both and accepting everything!

WOW!!! :D
Bollywood filmi ishtyle !!!

Now if only such a filmi ishtory would come true for me…! I atleast have my grandpa prodding me in the right direction!

….

Those of who read my last session will also remember the eventful photo session that took place. Every man/woman should go through this kind of a photo session at some point of time in life – just to understand the torture behind it – so that they won’t ever feel like letting their kids go through this.

Or who knows? I may be assuming things…my kids probably would be after my own life to get their portfolio/modelling sessions done – quite likely in swim-trunks and biknis!!! I hope I don’t live long enough to see that! :P

Most eyebrowing raising moment so far:

There is a guy’s profile…which has expressed interest in me four times (over the past 3 years) when, early on, my parents had a dummy profile of mine put in to check how the whole matrimonial website system works. The profile lists the guy as the best thing to be discovered on earth since sliced bread, that he is a learned guy (taken Ph.D), is all rounder with interests in sports, music, drama and whatnot. His parents apparently put up the profile and they are on the lookout for a girl for him and lists it as (I am NOT exaggerating) “a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” to get married to a guy like this.

My question being: If he really is that fantastic: why is he not married yet? :P

And I fail to understand why people give lengthy descriptions in the profile of how a guy looks: tall, good looking (I’ll be the judge of that, thank you!), well built, fair etc. etc. when I can anyway make that out by clicking on his picture! Sheesh!!

One among the many weird moments:

Met up with an old school friend after ages. He was telling me the story of one of our common friends who got engaged recently. (Sheesh! Even guys in our batch are beating me!!)

He apparently saw the girl playing with some babies and that somehow connected to the mental image he had of his future and hence fell for her.

My friend goes: It’s like Hrithik Roshan seeing Aishwarya Rai playing with cute rabbits in that scene in Jodha Akbar and his heart goes flip flop coz he associates her with things that he is not.

I looked bewildered. Now where from do I arrange for a truckload of babies and rabbits when the guy comes to see me??!

Most frustrating moment:

Dad: The idea combination for a guy’s qualifications (as per my perception) is Engineering degree plus MBA

Me: Dad, there’s no such thing as ideal in these kind of situations. Plus I never did engineering OR MBA. So how you can judge that?

Dad: I judge that as useless…you did two no-good degrees!

HUH???

P.S: My cousin (8 months elder to me) has just gotten engaged. The marriage got fixed in all of 2 weeks. Proposal comes, guy n girl start interacting with each other couple of times, families meet…by end of 2 weeks…fast forward to engagement. They barely know each other. Plus it is registered as court marriage so that the guy can take her passport and visa papers and by the time he comes down next for the marriage 4 months later, her visa will be ready and she can leave immediately. I know it sounds practical…but is it only me or does it sound scary also??

P.P.S: Even worse, my dad now goes like: She said yes in one meeting. Why cant you????

Eeeeaaayaaaghhh!!! * Heads for the hills*

The Answer...!

2010-10-19T10:30:00.002+05:30

Alright guys n gals....

The correct answer here is: Turkey!
The first pic is the famous Blue Mosque, the second is the Bosphorous river and the third is the Hippodrome.
Some of you did guess it correctly...congrats! :-) And there are many people who came close also!

So for everyone who guessed rightly (for this post as well as the door knockers pic post), you may surely take this as a present for your own blogs...

I believe participation spirit is what counts...but unfortunately did not get time to create something for all those who tried guessing as well :-( Sowwie! Next time round I shall definitely give one away for the others as well.

As journalists put it: watch this space for more! ;-)

Where is this?

2010-10-09T09:54:00.002+05:30

Many of you got the answer right (partly) to the guess-the-picture post that I posted.
Yes they are door-knockers.... and yes they are mounted onto a mirror.
I was looking for a complete answer...

@Anonymous: (Wish you'd just leave your name...!!) You are the first to try n guess the surroundings also...nice!
@All who said door-knockers: Yes...partly right...good work!
@Swaram: Lol, really? :D I liked the variety in your answer!!
@Scorpio: Very close!
@Rakesh: never mind! :P
@Vinnie: hahaha! ;-)
@Neha: LOL!
@Hitchu: You've come closest to guessing it...nice work...
@Sawan: Almost there! ;-)

The complete answer: Door knockers...hung from a mirror. They also face another mirror hence the multiple reflections back to back. And the last part (which would have been difficult to guess), this hangs above the seat of a dining area in a restaurant. Below it comes the seats. There are individual such seating arrangements all over the restaurant where seats are placed facing each other with this mirror arrangement right above it.

Pretty indigenous, don't you think? :-)

Leaving you all with another guessing game...

Any ideas on where this place is? I had the good fortune of visiting it (and no, it is definitely not UK so don't go there :D )

Anybody a little well-travelled (around the world) can easily guess those monuments. The rest of you can go for a nice guessing game... :-) Good luck!
And in case you are wondering, yes, all three pics are from different areas of the same country...

Any guesses on what this is?

2010-09-28T23:08:00.002+05:30

Matrimonial Mish-mashes - Part V

2010-09-19T22:04:00.004+05:30

Glad to announce this post has been picked by BlogAdda.com for their Tangy Tuesday picks :-) Thank you, everyone - especially Blogadda team!

If a trip to my home-town is due, can a post be far behind?? :D
Presenting – the best of the Matrimonial Mish-mashes series YET! Enjoy, folks!
P.S. – And unlike many of the previous posts in this series where I admit that situations have been tweaked or exaggerated to create the element of humour/entertainment/drama…this entire post is EXACTLY as it happened to me. So you can probably imagine…
And yes, I was laughing all through remembering and writing this post! :D

My 2-week visit to Kerala began with coursing through profiles of some 200-odd guys that my mother dug up from somewhere. Needless to say, I literally fell asleep half-way through it…leaving my mother exasperated. Far more effective than sleeping pills and boring lectures in Chemistry class combined, I tell you! By the time I was done with reading the whole lot, I had myself lost track of what my own criteria for a partner were!!!

The next part happened during the 2nd part of my visit, to my step-mom’s place in Ottapalam. The astrologer was brought in for a house-reading (prashnam vekkal – Keralites would have an idea of this). I wanted to have some fun with this guy…particularly considering the last proposal this guy had bet his boots on, had withered out. He had been so damn sure of it working out that it scared both me and the guy into saying ‘no’!!! LOL !
Before I could open my mouth to ask him what went wrong to his wonderful predictions, the guy hastily read through my grihanila and quickly pronounced that in my horoscope there is a chance of 2 proposals coming close to marriage and then breaking off. Talk about prelimnary bail ! Gee…I wonder what stopped him from predicting this earlier on?? :P Yeesh!

Next in line was a lecture session from my grandfather.
Grandpa: Listen, kid. For a guy to fall in love with you, you need to look ………attractive (yes, he chose the most diplomatic word)! You should wear more feminine dresses to attract guys’…er…people’s attention.
Me: Huh?!!
Uncle (looking amused): He means you should wear sari.
Me (in protest): But that is here…once in awhile. In my normal everyday life with office and everything, obviously I cant follow that principle.
Grandpa: Ok fair enough. But you should be more feminine in apperance. Look at you! You dress like an army captain! The only difference between me and you is that you have longer hair than me!!

What!!!!
My jaw dropped in shock and I stared at him!!!
My uncle tried to defuse the situation: Dad, different people have different concepts of beauty. Jeans and top may be preferred by modern men.
Grandpa (considering this for a moment): OK fair point.
Me: But I can’t help it. I wear western formals to office. What if I spot a cute guy in office? He’ll see me in this only.
Grandpa: You fool ! Invite him out for a coffee wearing a more feminine dress! Do I have to spell everything out for you?!
Wow!! Talk about a dynamite grandfather!

Uncle (looking a bit alarmed): Dad what are you advising her?!
Grandpa: Shush! This is all from guys’ perspective. Otherwise how will she know?!
Uncle: Er…um…
If this hadn’t been happening to me, I’d be ROFL by now!
Mental note to myself at that point of time: Better put this down in the MM post. Nobody will believe me though!!

Grandpa: And furthermore, a bit of exposure won’t hurt you. Maybe a low cut back for that sari blouse, a bit of showing the tummy with your pallu…things like that you know. Men are very visual in nature!
By this time my uncle had reached stage of panic. He shouted aloud to my grandmom who came running to the verandah dropping all her things in the kitchen. Mission Chastity!! I was quickly herded off to the inside room and my indignant grandpa was given a scolding as to what all nonsense he was teaching me!!
I had trouble holding onto my non-stop laughter until I reached my own room!! :D

It was Onam time and I finally decided to follow his advice (only the first part) and dressed into a set-mundu – the traditional sari-like dress of Kerala. Grandpa was pleased to see it and so was everyone else. Then his smile faded.

Grandpa (looking doubtful): Maybe you should adjust the sari so that it looks more….
Uncle (looking scandalized): Don’t even think about it! The sari is fine as it is! Dad, will you stop giving her fancy ideas!!!
I had to choke myself not to giggle.

The highlight of the visit was when dad had called over a studio photographer to take pictures of the family, since we were all gathering together after a long time. And then he proceeded to unveil the mousetrap with the cheese in it – me being the stupid effervescent mouse of course. He was called under the pretext of taking everyone’s photograph …and later dad announced firmly that he wanted the photographer to take a whole lot of my pictures alone for showing prospective grooms. Since I had refused to go to the studio to get it done, dad brought him home instead!! No amount of protests, tantrums or cribbing could get me away from this one sadly. Then the fun began.

Me (thinking internally): They want me to pose??? Alright I’ll give them poses!!
Me: What about Lord Vishnu lying down? Or maybe a pose as a trans-gender person? Or best yet – Shankuntala with the thorn on her feet?!!! :D :D Very romantic, don’t you think?
The photographer stared at me in terror wondering which mental asylum had I escaped from. Little did he know what was waiting for him!
My grandparents doubled up laughing.
Grandpa: You are impossible!
Dad rolled his eyes to indicate he was sick and tired of listening to me.

The portfolio session began. For no particular reason, I was annoyed at the photographer also and decided to pull his leg also in the process. But to his credit, he was a patient guy…and much experienced – he tried talking to me to make me more comfortable before the camera. I am honestly a person far more comfy BEHIND the camera rather than BEFORE it, but surprisingly I found that this wasn’t so bad at all, once I got into the groove.
The initial few shots were embarrassing, to say the least. I was standing to one side of the compound which had a bit of scenery, and my relatives (yes – uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents – eeeeyaghh!!) were standing to the other end on the porch wing of the house keeping an eye out for me – or rather, the photographer just in case I decided to molest him!!!

After the first session wearing the traditional set mundu was over, I came over to where my relatives were sitting.
Me: Dad my dress is all spoilt coz I had to sit on those steps. The money to drysclean this is coming out of your salary!
The expression on my dad’s face told me it’s better if I don’t open my mouth in front of him anymore…else it would suicidal for me!

The next dress change was with a jeans and top. We went to another side of the compound – and to be honest it very much helped that I was standing in my home rather than a photo studio with artificial lights et al. I made a couple of poses by the gate, peeked out of the corner of my eye and saw my relatives engrossed in conversation. I tried to quietly sneak out of the gate and escape, but my other uncle’s sharp eyes caught it.
Uncle: Oy! Where are you off to? You don’t have to leave yet!!!
Me (turning it into a joke): No no I am leaving the country…I am sick of this!
Aunt (cheerfully): No problem! We’ll find you an NRI groom to suit your purpose!!!

Why, oh why, do people have to give such terrifying responses to harmless comments? :-/ Sadists!!!

I changed into a salwar suit later.
Me: I know!! I got just the pose… what about Sridevi with her dupatta in the air… and running straight towards the camera…like in the movie ‘Chandni’???!!! :D
By then the photographer ignored me.
He then made me pose next to my uncle’s car. And in the end – believe it or not – he made my climb onto the bonnet of the car lie down sideways there!! (I wanted to try a ‘Superman’ pose but I guess he wouldn’t have taken it anyway! :P )

Photographer (whom I shall now refer to as ‘P’): We better take this photo quickly before people see this.
Me (laughing): Don’t blame me if the guy’s parents sue your studio for misleading them to think the car is free with the girl !!
By this time P also started laughing.

The final session ended on the background of our house terrace. I was determined to give this guy a run for his money.
The pathway to the terrace is a little tricky with a flight of steps and a mini-ladder at the end to reach the topmost area.
Me: Lets go up there..nice view!
P (looking hesitant): Are you sure?
He peered up at the distance.
Me (looking innocent): Why? You are not ok with climbing there? I thought you wanted a different backdrop…
P (hastily): Of course, of course. We photographers are trained to go anywhere and everywhere for our work. I’m ready if you are.

Poor devil !! I moved ahead and swiftly climbed up like a lithe monkey. A considerable amount of time later, the photographer came behind me puffing and panting, precariously balancing his precious camera.
P (taking deep gulps of air): Are you used to climbing this each time when you come here?
Me (grin): What do you think??

Needless to say, I drove that photographer nuts. I wont be surprised if he resigns shortly!! Or at the very least, gets an appointment with a therapist! :D

However towards the end of the terrace photo-session, the photographer even complimented me that I look like a Malayalam film actress in some poses - Keralites would be familiar with yester-year beauty Sumalatha. As long as it is not Shakeela or Silk Smitha, I am ok !! :D
Me (wide grin): Wow!! Now I can die a happy lady!! :D
Me (thinking internally): Boy! This guy must be REALLY desperate to get the money for this job!!! :-/
Look at the amount of lies people say to make a living!! LOL!

In all honesty, the photo-shoot was fun too. Felt as if I was being pampered with all the attention and dress changes and attention to detail. Soon I got into the groove with some nice poses. I’ve never had anybody take so many photos of myself at one go at any point of time in my life the way it happened this time! If it had been a cute guy taking this…and not a paid photographer…I’d be flattered and think the guy is in love with me. Why do these things happen only in movies? :-(

P.S.:
Overheard is the conversation between the photographer and my grandmother.
Photographer: Oh so she is not settled here? She works in Delhi/Mumbai?
Grandmother: Yes
Photographer: Better she searches for a guy from there rather than here.

Sheesh! :-/ Even the photographer doesn’t think I can get a guy here!
I’m a gone case! Sayonara people… !! *Sob sob*

Wedding night jitters!!!

2010-09-09T15:25:00.001+05:30

No don’t jump to conclusions yet! :D This is not a fast-forward version of the Matrimonial Mish-mashes series – just a reference to what happened when my family met up for my cousin’s wedding.
Let the fun begin..!

Unlike North-Indian weddings, south-Indian ones usually take place during the day. The partying is of course at night. So was it during my cousin’s wedding and most of my family had gathered for it.

The wedding was of my second cousin AN, and by the time my 3 first cousins and I (we belong to a different side of the family) reached the house in the evening after the wedding, the decorations for the nuptial chamber were in full-swing. All my cousins on the cousin AN’s side of the family were busily involved in it. We also joined in enthusiastically. That’s when we saw what these guys had in store for the poor groom A and his bride S, who were both barred from going anywhere near the room lest the surprise be spoilt.

My other cousins had placed a fake bat on the fan which would fall onto them the moment they switched it on. They also placed scary looking fake spiders and snakes – on the pillow and one on the centre of the bed – both hidden from view. Somebody suggested placing a squeaky toy beneath the mattress. Every stupid idea was welcomed hence that also was obliged! AN’s younger brother AJ rolled his eyes…thinking this wasn’t in the least enough to scare them, but all the same agreed.

The ladies of the family dissuaded them from keeping anything too scary or problematic in the room, lest it scares off the new bride. But little pranks were always welcome. However all this apart, the room was strewn with flowers and rose petals, elaborate decorations on the bed completed the look. It would be difficult to spot where the pranks were hidden.

We left the room, letting our other cousins rearrange the remaining things in whatever way they wanted. The bride and groom tried to sneak into the room (separately) and sent spies (cousins who were on their side) to the room to find out what exactly was being planned in there, but we were too fast for them. All plans thwarted, we retreated to the terrace for some cool air and gossip.

Some songs, talks and a little while later when my cousin and I went down to get a drink of water, we were greeted by the sight of all sights outside the room. Cousin AN’s mother…and was helping her daughter-in-law, the bride S, to sneak into the room to take a peek at the pranks awaiting her so that she would be prepared!! Wow! This beats all MIL-DIL horror stories I’ve ever heard.

We screamed the house down.
“Sushil aunttttttttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! Mummyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! They are letting her go inside. Come fassssssssssstttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Unfortunately too many of us were screaming at one go, and nobody understood why. Half the neighbourhood woke up by then. The men-folk who were peacefully having a drink near the balcony threw everything away and came running for their lives to rescue us from whatever mishap they thought were happening to us!
Three of them burst through the doorway at one go, nearly splitting into two, puffing and panting: “What happened? what happened?”

We had to then answer an angry group of men that it was just a prank gone wrong and nothing had actually gone badly and it was a joke etc etc. Needless to say, the priority of the incident did not go down too well with them and it took sometime to calm them down…phew!

The room was finally locked from the outside until further notice, and all of us retreated for some song-and-dance-and-fun on the lawns. The rest of the story is how I heard it in reported speech from one of my other cousins.

When the time came for the groom and bride to enter the nuptial chamber, the cousins who helped decorate the room as well as groom AN’s younger brother AJ entered room 15 minutes before to hide themselves inside! Yes, the sneaky brats! AJ hid himself inside the laundry basket somehow, another cousin hid behind the clothes-stand and the remaining 6 of them stuffed themselves inside the tiny bathroom at one end.

A little while later AN and S were shoved into the room. Cousin AN wasn’t a total fool…he found the fake spider, bat etc. in a minute…and even checked UNDER the bed to make sure nobody was hidden there! Apart from that, he didn’t find anything immediately. Although he wasn’t totally satisfied, he retreated for now.
Unassumingly the couple sat on the bed. Strains of romantic conversation as overheard by the cousins in the room:
S: Jaanu, why don’t you turn on the A/c? It’s stuffy in here…
AN: Sorry meri jaan…let me do it right away.
AJ choked himself not to giggle.

That’s when the AN’s mother entered the room with the customary glass of milk. She was the mother of all spoilsports!! She looked all around the room – all the while AN looking at her suspiciously – and then mouthed the statement that would spoil the entire prank for the cousins: “Where are the other kids? I don’t see them anywhere! HAVE THEY COME OUT YET??!!!!”

AN stared at her in shock, realisation dawning on him. He jumped up, ready for action. Then he started inspecting each and every corner. By then AN’s mother left the room.
First to be discovered was poor AJ. AN approached the laundry basket suspiciously as if an atom bomb was hidden in there. Then he tried the best method of finding out – he started KICKING it non-stop left, right and centre!!! After 5 minutes of somehow tolerating this torture, AJ tumbled out groaning in pain: “Stop bhaiyaaaaa…PLEASE! Ini enne kondu vaiyya!!! (I can’t take it anymore!)”

AN caught him by the collar and pulled him up. He was thoroughly enjoying this by now.
AN: You bastard! Got you! Now tell me where the others are!
AJ (still groaning in pain but mustering up courage): Never!! We won’t tell you!
AN: “WE?” Alright, I’ll find the rest myself. Get out! NOW!

By then the guy from behind the clothes-stand also got discovered, and both he and AJ were kicked out of the room. AN still started looking all around the room poking and kicking corners and all places he found suspicious. That was when he chanced upon the switchboard. Both the switches for the exhaust fan and light for the bathroom was switched on…! Why would that happen in an empty bathroom?? The light dawned on AN and he decided the best punishment.

He coolly sauntered up to the bathroom, LOCKED it from the outside, and switched off the exhaust fan and light and went back.
S: What happened?
AN (grinning): Just you wait!

The 6 people stuck in the tiny bathroom got the shock of their lives when both light and air disappeared from their vicinity! No fresh air, no light…and 6 people crammed into a small space, plus it was a humid summer night. 10 minutes into the ordeal they started whispering to each other to find a way out. 20 minutes later, the situation did not change. 30 minutes later, their patience was at an all-time low.
Finally 40 whole minutes later, they started banging on the bathroom door and begged for mercy to be let out.

AN laughed the anti-hero triumphant laughter and let them out one by one.
AN: Couldn’t you have tried anything better? You guys are pathetic !!!
Grumbling and mumbling and laughing…the cousins accepted defeat and gave their bhabi a welcome hug. Finally they all left the room one by one and let the couple in peace.

Bride S laughed her way into the husband’s home and heart. I’m sure she would be remembering the interesting memories of her first night in her husband’s home till her last day!

Snapshots of Kerala

2010-08-29T22:03:00.007+05:30

Typical old style family-house

Goats grazing at the mountain-range near Palakkad

Onam sadya! Yum!

"Dammit! Which idiot placed this within boundaries?!"

Bharathapuzha

Atha-pookalam - the flower arrangement made for Onam

Matrimonial mish-mashes - Part IV

2010-08-19T22:46:00.006+05:30

.
Howdy, folks! :-) I am in Kerala for a well-earned 2 week vacation. Last time's trip guaranteed a long post with pics too...this time I am going to be more modest for lack of time.
Not boring you by dragging MM series too much...but just thought I'd jot down a few pointers in the matrimonial (search) journey till now...some lessons learnt along the way...
For the uninitiated - Part I, Part II and Part III are here....

Most Psychotic Suitor (so far): My folks had sent through a couple of pics of me wearing casuals. The guy demanded (through his folks) to see a photo of me wearing a bindi instead. I was like ??? but still complied, thinking he meant a picture of me wearing traditional dress (since bindi is something people wear along with that). A week later, he responded saying he wants a picture of me wearing the kum-kum/sindoor bindi in particular. Whaaaa....?
Folks I'm glad to tell you that proposal was dropped with immediate effect. Seriously, what criteria do people measure their partners with?!!!

Most Amusing Comment (completely well-intentioned): When I told my uncle and aunt of my exact age (on being asked), my aunt said: "Oh but you dont look that old at all. You look 18-19 at the most. Noone would guess or say looking at you that you are getting late for marriage"!!!
And then she looked expectantly at me...waiting for a thankyou!! I didnt know whether to laugh or cry!! LOL

Most Memorable Meeting: Not that I've seen some hundreds of people so far, but this remains memorable coz it was the first meeting I ever had with a prospective "suitor", plus I ended up making a friend out of the whole sordid process. It was touted to be THE wedding...since the horoscopes matched perfectly, the guys' folks and my folks hit it off without the guy or me even contacting each other once. To top it all, some astrologer predicted engagement within 4 months!! Yup...no pressure at all.
Guy: "Will you please let me know who that astrologer is? I'd like to give him a piece of my mind."
Me: "Dont worry, we can together arrange for his assassination!" :D
The entire thing got called off after we met once though...the pressure to say 'yes' was hanging like a Damocles sword on our heads and the rest of the world seemed to have decided - all except me and him. What about the whole idea of getting to know the person as a friend first? We mutually and amicably parted ways...and to this day I remain grateful - particularly so, to have a strong case to cite as an example where I can stand up to my parents and tell them to chuck the astrological mumbo-jumbo out of the window - beacuse that need not be the deciding factor.

Scariest moment : Seeing the proposal of a 36 year old divorcee...who has polio and cannot walk...but can horseride, swim and goodness knows what else...and is "otherwise" physically fit (HIS words, not mine)!! I rejected his proposal through matrimonial website and he again showed interest in me - THRICE! Eeeyikes! Sheesh - how the hell do I consistently end up attracting all the wrong guys???

Most disappointing moment (more like a dose of reality): The same proposal where the guy's parents had been all enthusiastic about the proposal dropped it like a hot-cake when they came to know of my parents' separation - without ever meeting me even once :- I guess it takes all kinds to make up this world...

Most ridiculous pick-up line: "I am interested....in you.... to marri " accompanied by the picture of a guy easily mistaken for Tamil actor Vadivelu. No more comments.
A close second would be all the guys who write paragraphs explaining their achievements...and in the end quietly claim they are 'modest'. Amen!

Bottomline?
I was sitting at this restaurant for dinner with my folks. And noticed the table next to us...with a family waiting for their food. I observed them in silence for a few minutes. The dad was engrossed in typing out a long sms, the mom had placed her head on the table as if nursing a headache, and the kid was sitting alone playing with a toy car - each lost in their own world.

Made a mental note to myself and a prayer - let this not be my family scene ten years from now...not even on the worst hair days.....

Sigh....aaaand....yes, the journey continues! :-)
Keep watching this space for more!

Wordless Wednesdays - Progress!!!

2010-08-04T19:22:00.001+05:30

Wordless Wednesdays - No??? :D

2010-07-21T23:28:00.002+05:30

The Unexpected Visitor

2010-07-08T00:03:00.002+05:30

Yes I TOLD you I am back in business :P I am actually posting in less than a week!
IHM's animal tails...er...tales seem to have inspired me! :D

I was working from home last week one day. And she came to my doorstep in search of food. Have 2 like her back home, so did not have the heart to send her away. Gave her some food which she polished off in 2 minutes.

Then, having gained confidence she ventured inside looking for interesting nooks and crannies.

I gently dissuaded her and tried to show her the way outside. She plopped herself down in resignation in my front hall, trying to make herself comfortable.

She lay there for sometime and eventually I had to send her out.

Little joys of working from home! :-)

My Sins Against Gender-Stereotypes

2010-06-30T23:17:00.007+05:30

Ok so initially I thought that this one month is going to go without ANY blog entry of mine which is kinda sad since that hasn't happened since I started my blog. But somehow writer's block had blocked my brain from coming up with any bright ideas. That was when this tag came like God-send. Thanks for tagging me Smithus :-) And hitchy and Avada Kedavra also, although by which time I had already posted this! :D
And from the looks of it, this is one tag that is going to do the rounds for awhile. Everyone likes a rebel, the one who against the grain. So here's my addition to the set of how different I am from the gender I am supposed to belong to.

1. I loved tinkering around with stuff in the house... painting the gate, repairing gadgets... all this with the wonderful company of my grandfather who was all game for it himself. :-)

2. I had (and still have to an extent) and more guy friends than girls. And no, this was not in a flirtarious way. Many of them did and some of them still do address me as 'dude' and I know way too many of their secrets that I know that they would never tell their crushes/partners/girlfriends. Being a guy's buddy is great I tell ya! It's the best of both worlds! :D

3. I do NOT cry while watching sentimental movies. I find that too much nonsense... unless of course the subject really touches my heart. Like, Taare Zameen Par for instance.

4. My sense of homour (I've been told) is far more like a guy's than a girl's. Although who draws the definition - I am yet to find out. *rolls eyes*

5. I love exploring, adventuring and going out.... much opposed to the figure of the sweet young homely girl at home. Nyah!

6. I am still not sure how to use a sewing machine... never used it in my life. The farthest I've gone is to sew on buttons with a needle though.

7. I dont CARE for jewellery or clothes. At home I am perfectly happy to get into a t-shirt and shorts and sit in all my rumpled look. My dad constantly complains I look ready to beg on the streets sometimes :D Yes yes I do him proud, don't I!

8. Although I try to take care not to dress like a slob when I go out (thanks to years of nagging by my mom, step-mom, dad and friends - thanks guys) I do not care an iota for shopping for clothes. I am by no means a shopaholic and simple dont have the patience to sit and sift for hours through merchandise....only to walk out buying nothing. Sheer waste of time, I tell ya!

9. Crying and emotional blackmail to get things done??? Nope, that's just plain annoying. Many irritating girlfriends I know resort to these measures ... but I simply cant stand either (although the latter is also known to be used by men :P ). And I hate showing emotions easily. I can't go huggy-kissy to express my love...I'd rather pretend to strangle jokingly or back-slap the other person (irrespective of whether it's a guy or girl).

10. Technology...gadgets, software anything! I love keeping track of it. My latest Nokia E-72 is partly proof of it. Oh, plus I don't shriek and scream when I see insects. I may flinch, granted, but then I am after them the next minute with a broom. Mission Pest Termination! Tantarataa!!

(And in case if this wasn't enough proof to you, let me tell you something. When I told one of my friends that my folks are on the lookout for proposals for me, he actually said, "Great, who is the GIRL?!!!" *Rolling eyes* Men and their sense of humour, I tell you!)

Ok I just scrolled up and read the post.... and realised I sound a lot like a guy!! No wonder my parents ask me to tone it down...! But I am "girlish" in other ways though... I like cooking to an extent (when I get time) and experimenting with cuisines, I am not much of a sports person, I do have a weakness for footwear though, and can't stand horror movies...

IHM says if at the end of the post 12 people are not tagged, you will be cursed to wear blue pansts if you are a woman and pink shirts if you are a man for the next twelve years. And you know what??!! I don't mind it !! :D :D :D Isn't that the whole fricking point of this post????
And just FYI, I know men who wear pink shirts coolly to my office. Bully for them! ;-)

Hurray for all the rebels!! :D :D

Hues of the beach...

2010-05-23T21:26:00.008+05:30

Sorry for the long break folks... I am completely short of ideas and have run into severe writers' block. Taking a break next week. Let me see if my mind kickstarts with some new inspirations :P
For now... I am leaving you with these pics taken at the beach. Having spent my childhood in a coastal town, the seaside is one area that remains my favourite... for all moods and seasons... :-)

Silent companion

2010-04-04T23:22:00.005+05:30

Sorry for the long break, folks. Was running out of ideas.
This is just my humble attempt at fiction :-)

The sun dipped low on the horizon. The smell of the sea was in the humid air.
He sat at the edge of the precipe, taking it all in. He loved watching the sunet with her at the cliff. Of course 'watch' was from his mind's eye. He had lost vision from both eyes when he was a kid.

His world had been turned upside when he realised that his vision had begun to blur. His mother had frantically taken him to doctor after doctor, but with no effect. By the age of 13 he was partially blind and by 15 his world had turned completely dark. Over time he had turned bitter and withdrawn into his shell. His friends left him one by one. He became difficult to deal with and his parents found it difficult to manage him.

He was bitter and on the verge of being abandoned at a care-home...
when she came into his life. She became the miracle in his life. She was patient and caring. She listened to him like no one else did. And she loved him for what he was, no questions asked. She was gentle with him where others were callous, and she was content to just be in his company. He knew she was beautiful when others exclaimed the same, but in his mind's eye he could see her lovely eyes shining with love for him.

And she went on to become the reason he wanted to live again. To break free, to enjoy life all over again. He was no longer alone...

As he sat at the edge of the precipe with his arm around her, he felt safe.

The sun had set and it was time to go. He turned to her: "Shall we go?"
She didn't respond but moved out of his arms. He could feel her walking away from him.
Confused,he stood up and called her name. He felt her pause.

He whistled.
She came bounding back to him and curled up at his feet.
He smiled: "Lazy bones, we have to go back. Now let's move, girl !"
She obediently wagged her tail, stood up and began to guide the way for him.

P.S.: Dedicated to all dog-lovers. If you haven't loved a dog, you don't know what you are missing. Truly so. :-)

Matrimonial mish-mashes Part 3 !

2010-03-17T00:50:00.004+05:30

Ok so here comes part 3 after Part 1 and Part 2. I should have posted this by December, since most of the incidents here happened then. But never got around to it, plus got stuck with other posts which gained priority over this. But c’mon I cannot ignore this hit series ;-) These are random incidents and dialogues picked up from different days, referring to the same context.

My cousin came home one day with a huge grin on his face.
Him: We heard you are publicly listed on the stock exchange and are waiting for shares offers/quotes now!!! :D
I stared at him.
Him (with a cheeky grin): I mean you are listed on the matrimonial website!!!

My brother doubled up in laughter. Before I could beat up my cousin for suggesting it, my bro came in between and we went back to my room. There are steps leading upto my room and I guess I wasn’t paying attention. I was talking to my cousin looking elsewhere… missed a step and THUD!! I literally went down my er…bottom… sliding down the steps, going literally bump bump bump on each step before sliding to a stop on the last step.
Bro: Wow! Talk about falling for someone before meeting him!

I hurt my…er…ego by falling down hence was not in a position to respond.

And so… the search began in earnest. As with the start of any new venture, the newness of it was interesting and I did login once in awhile to check up on profile interests received. After rejecting many profiles, one of them…written beautifully….caught my eye. Just the right dose of laughter and genuineness in the language.

I accepted interest from it and showed it to my brother for surety.
Me: I kinda like this guy. He looks a bit like the goonda in Malayalam filmdom!
Mom (staring at me): I’ve heard girls liking guys because they look like Prince Charming or some film actor, but this is the first time I’m hearing something like this!!
Me: You know I really like this guy… something tells me he’s looking for girls right out of mental hospitals. I fit the bill! :D
Mom : *faints*

At that time a certain someone had been free enough to reply to messages and come on chat.
The first comment I got when I forwarded that profile to him?
Vimal: It’s written very well but yikes! He’s 6’2’’ and equally broad! And can’t you see what his face looks like?? What is he… the hulk or something? Reject him NOW!
Me: Sigh… :- ...

Looked like this was going to be tougher than imagined!
The search continued.

Mom and dad were all gung-ho about editing the profile and adding changes to it after consulting my interests.

Mom: Ok so tell me. Do you want South-Indian or North Indian etc
Me: I believe in equality for all! :D I am not racist!

Mom (rolling her eyes): Do you have any preferences about the guy?
Me: Yes. I want him to be a good dancer. He should have a mole on his right below like me. Hmm let’s see what else?

Mom looked at me bewildered for a moment before spotting my cheeky grin.

The questioning continued. After awhile I started to get bored.
Me (grumbling): I can’t do this yaar. I am allergic to husbands!
Dad: Really? Then how will you have children? You are generally good with kids!
Me (grumbling under my breath): You don’t need a husband to have a kid!

Silence.
Too late, I realised from the panicked expression on my dad’s face that he heard it.

Dad: Is that what you are going to tell him when you first meet him?
Me (after long thought): Hmmmm…..! No, I’ll say: Dude, your shirt and socks don’t match. And I’ll add some hysterical laughter. What say?

By this time mom and dad were at the end of their tether.
Dad: You have to take this seriously!! Everyone need not understand your brand of so-called humour! What if you marry someone who is a possessive type? He sees a pic of some guy in your cupboard…what would you say?
I was ready for this one by then.
Me (cheerfully): I’ll just say ‘honey this was me before the gender-change operation’!!

Last I heard, mom and dad are planning to disown me. If any of you guys have free rooms at your place, please let me know. I am likely to need it very soon :-/

P.S.:
This bit happened recently. I was down in Chennai for a couple of days. Mom had called me up in between.
This is how part of the conversation went.
Mom: You are also visiting your uncle there na. Tell him to get a good boy from there then.
Me (frowning): I told you I don’t see myself going down that line immediately!! Don’t you have anything better to think about?!
Mom (puzzled pause): What?

Then she started laughing.
Mom: I was referring to getting a boy here for household help. The earlier one has quit, we need someone new here.
Me (mortified): Huh?!! Oh..jeez!!! Er…umm…well…
Mom (still laughing): Which means that’s the only thought you have in mind these days. So the cat is out of the bag. Now we will have to search harder!
Me: WHAT??? No wait, listen! That’s because you guys scare me into worrying about…
*Phone clicks* She hung up
Yeesh! :-/

I give up…!

Chennai chronicles!

2010-03-08T01:32:00.003+05:30

Alright folks. It’s finally up! Time to put up details of my Chennai crusade!!

Took advantage of the three day weekend last time and headed out to Chennai to catch up with some very good friends. It is kind of ironic actually. At one point I used to have more friends in Bangalore and love the city as well but today there are very few of them there and Chennai suddenly has a lot of ’em together!

The trip had been planned about a month in advance but I could confirm my tickets only two days before the trip. Glad it didn’t get cancelled last minute. Kanagu would have had a fit… I’ve never seen anyone follow up trip details with so much perseverance!! Hats off!

I had asked all my friends as to what do I bring when I come down. Most of them said nothing. One of my friends suggested bringing a certain Balls-Talk-Rey’s protege so that he could do choicest stuff to him. I said unfortunately I don’t know his mobile number so can’t help it :D

Reached Chennai one fine Saturday afternoon. After the fast paced life of Delhi/Mumbai, in Chennai I felt as if somebody had pulled the brakes of a fast moving train and then asked me to get down and walk in slow motion! Life pace is easy and relaxed, people are patient. I keep forgetting it’s a metro city… there is always a world of difference between north and south India. And this coming from a South Indian herself! I need to visit my hometown more often! :P

I began with moving to stay with my best friend and her husband, whose wedding I had missed. After a hearty lunch she fed me (made by her own hands – she insisted she had been waiting to experiment her cooking on me!), all of us went to the nearby Besant Nagar beach for a stroll, had some yummy chilli baji and washed it down with some soan papdi to kill the spice. The sea looked lovely by the moonlight and unlike Kerala, beaches were quite crowded with family crowds even after sunset.

On walking back, I spotted some palmists/astrologers sitting at the beach front. My friend’s husband suggested I go in for it. I hesitated, pooh-pooing it, and then realised I need some entertainment in life. So we went ahead and sat down crosslegged before the lady with the parrot, who looked delighted to find her next prey. My Tamil is fairly decent though nothing great but she spoke in such heavy Tamil that even my friend who is fluent in the langauge had trouble translating it!

She started off with a classic statement: ‘you should have been born as a guy’.
Me: Er… what?
If my parents had heard they’d shush her up and say that my matrimonial prospects have gone for a toss!
The rest of her predictions were pretty routine. I am a smooth-talker, I am confident, I am the apple of the eye of my parents, I am stubborn, I need to visit my ancestral temple if I need my marriage to happen quickly (really? No thanks!) and so on.

When we decided to set out from the beach, it was pretty dark. Worse, none of us knew which bus to take. So we kept asking people and ended up taking the long route home, skipping methods of travelling including bus, auto and walking! The first stretch home was taken in a bus and the latter half in a Chennai share auto which was an awesome comedy trip!

The first time I saw it I did a little double take. Ok what was this – double decker autos? I complained. I’ve seen share autos in Gurgaon, but never used them. This was my first time! [For those not accustomed to the two-tier sitting in these autos, please talk to people who’ve lived in Chennai, they’ll tell you how the seats are arranged in two rows, just like in a movie theatre]

Finally we got into one of those – us plus 5 other people all crammed in. And then autodriver began to drive back like a madman with us hanging on for dear life. My friend who was sitting on the extreme right, would jump each time a bus overtook the auto because it came too close for comfort!
Her take on this?: “I feel like I’m sitting down and skateboarding on wheels!”
I started laughing on hearing this.
“Are you going to put this on your blog post? Has this inspired you enough?” she asked. I grinned and said of course! Little did I know that was just the beginning!
We stopped at a traffic signal. A bus came right next to the side of my auto where my friend was sitting. She paused and contemplated a moment: “If it comes a little closer I can squeeze out through the right side opening of the auto and climb into the bus. There are enough seats inside that atleast!!” :D

The day ended on a great note with some yummy filter coffee and ghee masala dosa from Murugan’s Idly Shop which is a chain of restaurants in Chennai serving authentic south Indian stuff. Next time I’d ask for a plain roast dosa instead of a ghee roast… considering the amount of ghee in it. In fact if I squeeze out the ghee and sell it separately, I can earn enough for my daily living from it! LOL. But all said and done…it was delish! Definitely not to be missed!

The next day began with meeting one of my oldest best friends who’s now married and has a baby. We hung out for till late afternoon, but unfortunately the visit was dampened by the condition at his home. His washing machine caught fire from an electrical short (yes you read it right… the WASHING machine caught fire) and his home was in a mess. Fortunately my friend and family were not harmed, although the house was in shambles. Worse, this happened 2 days before I was supposed to land up. I remember the last time I visited one of my cousins, her kitchen caught fire the day I landed up. Why do I have this effect on circumstances? :-/ Sigh…
But on a positive note, had good fun catching up with him. My friend is a Mallu Christian married to a Bengali Hindu. Clash of civilisations, cultures and religions. But talk about a perfect marriage! :-) Touchwood! His 1 year old son is an absolute cutie pie btw :-) God bless!

Then finally that evening I set out for my grand meeting with kanagu! :-)
We were supposed to meet at Adyar Bus Depot. I took a cab from my friend’s place. The cab guy took me halfway till Adyar and then was like, where do I drop you? I got confused.
Me: I told you, Adyar Bus Depot!
He: Still, where exactly near it?
Me: Um..er…

Having only a vague idea of the place, and not wanting to show him that, I got myself dropped off near a police station landmark and called up kanagu.
Me: “I am standing outside the police station.”
Kanagu (shocked): “What!!”
Me: “Sigh…. I am standing OUTSIDE it, not inside. It’s for a landmark.”
Kanagu (sounding relieved): “Oh!! Hehe!! Cool, I’ll see you in 10 mins”

I waited patiently. After awhile of standing there like an idiot, I started walking up the road, looking at shops and places. A little while later, kanagu calls.
Me: I am waiting near Adyar Bus Depot on Lattice Bridge Road, opposite the police station
Kanagu: Um… I am standing at Adyar Bus Depot. But I don’t see you or any police station!! Where are you?
Me: Er… the traffic police guy told me this is the right one..
Kanagu: ???
Me: ???
Kanagu: Ok I don’t know where you are. Let me try to find out.

This took about 15 mins until he found me. Later we came to know there were two bus depots on parallel roads with the same name!!
Kanagu (big grin): Hehe! Now I’ve also learnt this fact! I used to think where you were standing was NOT part of Adyar at all !! In fact I was looking around, wondering if you would be following me like you did with Crafty!
Me (faints)

Kanagu and I went shopping for a little browsing around for a gift for Vimmuuu from our end. We entered Odeyssey - a book shop cum gift shop behind Adyar Bus Depot.
There we made fun of every possible gift on display.
Kanagu: “Why do they make coffee cups of this size?? You won’t be able to finish drinking from it !!”
Me: Hey be careful with those. Haven’t you heard of the saying, good to see nice to hold, once broken, consider sold!
Kanagu (giggling): What is the use of buying them once it is broken?
Me: Er… hmm… well you got a point there!

There were these weird looking Valentine’s Day gifts on the rack.
Me: What are these? Valentine’s Day leftovers? :D
Kanagu (staring at 2 cup which crisscrossed to form a heart): My God! You will keep drinking coffee forever from these cups. You won’t be able to finish only!
By that time we had both cracked up uncontrollably and half the shop had turned to watch the comedy act.

Finally we somehow managed to get out after getting a gift.
Me: So where do we go? CCD?
Him (determinedly): No way! No more CCD! We are going with the winds of change! We won’t go there!
Me (grinning): Oh my! Ok, if you insist!
So with Kanagu marching ahead and me following like a puppy, we headed to Adyar Bakery where we feasted on egg puffs and chocolate milkshake and icecream! :D Yay!

We were mentioning about how Uma and Anish unfortunately could not make it and how Vimal was stuck with relatives/in-laws visiting his place that day and could not make it either. We were discussing how and whether marriage changes an individual.
Out of the blue, in the same tone as if he is asking about the weather that morning:
Kanagu: When is your marriage?
I choked on my egg puff and stared at him before bursting into laughter.
Me: Don’t give me shocks like that! You are asking with the casualness asking what colour is the sky!
Kanagu (grinning sheepishly): The topic was similar hence started on that!

Before leaving, kanagu called up Anish and gave the phone to me. I was able to talk to him only for a few minutes, because it was already time to leave by then.

Sometimes you run into jerks in life. And then you run into gems like kanagu who remind you that the world doesn’t have bad ppl alone :-) God bless!
He accompanied me to buy gifts for some of my other friends, and surprised me by presenting me an early birthday present, wishing me my bday in advance. I felt like a prize jerk for forgetting his birthday which was already past and on top of that not bringing him a gift from Mumbai because I didn’t know what to get. Finally after the meeting was over (it was hard shaking him off my tail coz he was determined to be caring and chivalrous and drop me off till my cab), I had to go all the way to the end of road, wait till he left then take a U-turn and come back to buy a gift for him. But I did, and presented it to him the next day! Kanagu, I’m glad you enjoyed that movie DVD! :D

That night I met up with another of my childhood friends who had landed up in Chennai unexpectedly. Had a delicious Kerala dinner from Kumarakom restaurant in Adyar before retreating back home for a fitful sleep.

The next major event was of course meeting Vimal. When kanagu and I met up the next moring, Vimal was still snoring in bed.

I had been trying him since the night before and there had been no response. Finally kanangu called him and he called back. After giving him the choicest abuses for not meeting up with both me and kanagu together, we had the meeting time postponed to lunchtime.
Vimal (all dopey eyed and voice cracked from just waking up): Shall we meet up in Nugumbakkam since it’s close enough for both of us?
Me: OK fine where do we meet?
No prizes for guessing this one, folks :P
Vimal: CCD !
Me: Oof! Not again! You and your grandmother’s CCD!
Vimal (thinking hard): Nope my grandmother doesn’t run it, sorry! :D

Kanagu had to leave for work, hence declined from this outing.
I eventually went home, packed up my stuff and went with that to meet Vimal since I would need to go to the airport straight after that.

On the way, he kept calling me about a dozen times asking where I was. Now that he was up and refreshed and awake, he seemed in a hurry to meet up. Finally when he knew that I had to go back and pack my stuff, he changed the location closer to where I was so that it would be easier for me.

A little while later, he called.
Him: Yea ok. We have reached.
Me: Ok. Huh? Wait a minute!! “We”???
Him: (Shit!) I mean “I” of course! Now where have you reached?
Me (light dawning): Omg! Laxmi is with you??
Him: Just will you tell me where you are!
Me: So you wanted it to be a surprise and brought her eh?
Him: No I haven’t! Now tell me where you are!
Me: I am reaching in 10 mins. Wait.

Finally I landed up at Dhaba Express. Vimal came out to greet me oustide. We both went inside, and Vimal said dramatically: ta-daah!
It was a bit of surprise since I wasn’t sure whether or not she would be there. But if he hadn’t given out the clue with the ‘we’ in the conversation, it would have been a pretty big surprise. I met up with Mrs Laxmi Vimal for the first time that day. As compared to that chimpanzee (Vimal, pls refer to your post – you yourself compared it), Laxmi looks like a cute little doll… I can vouch for it!

We met up and exchanged pleasantries. The lunch meeting turned out to be a whole lot of fun, since as Vimal himself has claimed: theirs is a 24/7 cartoon network. Laxmi and I joined hands to pull Vimal’s leg like there was no tomorrow.

I’m not sure which joke it was, but Laxmi said something and then:
Vimal (to Laxmi): Omg! Don’t say all that! She’ll put it up on the post!
Me: I hadn’t actually conisdered, but now that you’ve given me the idea I’m going to of course! [That was the beginning.]

Finally lunch meeting over, we stepped out and moved towards Vimal’s bike.

And that is where it all began. I pulled out my camera. The first shot was of me and Laxmi which Vimal took. That went fine. The second one I took was of His Highness (who pretended to look at the sky) and his wife. Vimal proceeded to take the camera from my end to examine the pic and I being the idiot I was, gave it to him. He then claimed he looked bad in the pic and tried to delete it. I gave a start and tried to snatch it back from him. A tussle ensued for 5 seconds, after which he dropped the camera in the ensuing tussle. I ran to take it and examine it. The lens cover was unable to retract properly. End result: no more pics (although the existing pics were there in the memory card).

Me (in rage): @#$%^&**!!!! (Censored)
Vimal cringed and hid behind Laxmi.
I lunged after him and he ran round and round his wife screaming: “Don’t beat me don’t beat me!” and I chased him all the more furiously. After 2 mins of both of us running merry-go-round in 360 degrees around Laxmi, Vimal broke free and ran towards the exit gate.

Me (staring at him furiously): Kalari parambara daivangalaney… ithinu pakaramayi ninne blog post-il naattichillengil , enne dha ingane ingane vilicho!
[Translated: “I swear upon our legendary Kalari (martial arts) Gods, I will have taken revenge for this by embarassing you from head to toe on the blog post!” ]
Vimal: What?? It’s not my fault. You dropped it !!
Me (growl): Trying to delete pics from MY camera and then when I try to take it back, you start dancing and in the hulabuloo the camera falls down and you have the nerve to say it’s NOT YOUR FAULT??!!!

Me (to Laxmi): This is where you turn a widow. Hope you don’t mind.
Laxmi (cheerfully): Of course not! Go ahead!
[See? This where my respect for her doubled instantly!! :D ]

I proceeded to chase him and Vimal ran for his life. I would move ahead, he would run off to the gate. Then I’d come back to stand near Laxmi, and then he would slowly move back. This happened for 6 times AT A STRETCH.

Me: Give me the camera
Vimal: Promise you won’t beat me and I’ll come near you to give it.
Me (to Laxmi in disbelief): Jesus Christ! You married a man or a mouse?
Laxmi looked at him with a pathetic expression on her face: “Enikkanu naanakedu ippo! [Translated: I am the one suffering the embarrassment now!]”

Finally in the end, we examined the camera. Vimal, to his credit, tried to fiddle around with the lens and retract it, but to no effect. He returned the camera to me and I stood next to him.
Me: Please na! One beating… won’t hurt you…really!
Vimal (shrinks back): Pleaseeee adikalle! (Don’t beat me!)
I got annoyed. What kind of a world was this? I asked him permission even to beat him up and he refused! I got fed up, took his bike keys in revenge and walked off with it.
Vimal (bravely): No problem. I will roll this back home.
He actually sat on the bike and started moving it forward by pushing it with both feet.
By then people around were staring at us.

Laxmi walked behind him patiently with a funny expression on her face that distinctly seemed to say: “What was I thinking when I said ‘yes’ to him?”
He rolled the bike literally while sitting on it, using his feet as if he is a kid learning to balance the bicycle first time round. He moved about 15 feet and stopped in exhaustion, panting.
Vimal (puppy expression on his face): “Pls give me back the keys!”
Finally I gave him and I said something to the effect of ‘useless guy’.
He mumbled under his breath, now that he had gotten the keys, ‘useless ninte thantha (your dad)’!
Unfortunatley for him I heard it and caught him back by the collar of his shirt in fury.
Vimal (in panic): Omg! I mean ente thantha, ente thantha (my dad, my dad), not yours!! See? Now let me go!

Finally the meeting got over. I had to leave to meet my friend for a tour of IIT Chennai (which I did right afterwards – amazing campus!) and proceeded towards the airport.

People, two instances which I would like to particularly point out.
Scene 1:
Vimal, me and Laxmi stepped out of the restaurant after lunch. He looked at her once we were out. We were conversing about how hot it is in Chennai and an airconditioner is more of a necessity than a luxury, when out of the blue:
Vimal (looking at Laxmi): You are starting to get pimples/rashes on your face because of the heat eh?
Laxmi: Yea true… what all do I have to suffer when I marry you?

I bit back an amused smile. The guy who hates flowers has now turned observant enough to observe small pimples under the eyes of his beloved wife. Talk about absolute metamorphosis!!! :D

Scene 2:
Vimal took the first photo (of me and Laxmi) and then paused to hum in Malayalam looking at his wife:
“Enthu bhangi ninne kaanan ente omalale!” [a song in Malayalam which roughly translates to ‘how beautiful you look my dear one’]. I stared at him in surprise. This can’t be him!! :D lol
I’m sure he would go blue in the face denying it and say he meant it in sarcasm of course :D But I’m not completely convinced. That was just a compliment veiled in pretend-sarcasm.

People, he has completely gone head over heels. There’s no going back now!! :D
Rakesh was right… he is the cockroach who has flipped and rolled over and after getting hit by the Baygon spray!! He’s a goner. Another one down I guess. Sigh…

And that, signified the end of a beautiful Chennai trip. Summer hadn’t hit yet, so the heat was quite manageable. I’m sure it would grow far far worse in April-May. But I still hope to come down and catch up with everyone later.

Touchwood for friendships and happy marriages (which helped erase my skepticism a bit)!

P.S.: Sad news. Donations invited for buying new camera. The old one has lost a part and unfortunately cannot be reassembled :-(

Turning 1 year old...!

2010-02-20T09:55:00.005+05:30

On this day...exactly a year back...
I hit the 'post' icon on my blog early in the morning....and thus began my journey into the blogosphere.
Turning a year old....
Times flies...
But it's a fruitful year...
And I am so glad I am continuing this journey.... and also to have met all of you.
I thought I wouldnt have time to write once I started work... but somehow I find time for commenting and replying.... although the number of my stories have come down, I still do write...
Now it's time for some cake distribution... !! :D
Yenjay!! :p

When the Cunny-Kanni sistahs met - Part 2

2010-01-31T14:49:00.001+05:30

To read the conclusion to my last post, go here
Yes this is a Post-Merger Acquisition divided between my Cunny sistah and me!!! :D
See you all there!

When the Cunny-Kanni sistahs met!

2010-01-26T00:13:00.004+05:30

I’d like to begin this post by thanking all of you (you know who you are) who responded with a word of comfort, through chat, emails, sms-es and calls in response to my last post. Life’s always about both the good and the bad. The post was perhaps to an extent about the bad, but your responses reminded me about the good :-) Thanks a ton!

This post is about me (Kanni) meeting up with Cunny sistah. Those in Blog Samaj will know instantly what this is all about. For the uninitiated, this is about my meeting with one of my darling blog buddies Crafty – blog sister is more like it :D
If reading about such meetings bore you, then kindly move on or wait for my next post! :P

This is part 1 of a two-series post.

To set the context: I had once before been to the commercial capital of the country but while I had been relatively free that time, Crafty had been neck-deep in work [as usual]. Hence the meeting never took place.

This time round, the feisty little one was determined not to miss out and watched like a hawk out for my return to the city, pounced on me the day after I reached back! :D OK I am getting ahead of myself.

On a fine Monday morning while I was in office, I received her sms announcing from ten miles away that she would be free that evening. Fortunately for me I was free that day and we finally planned to meet. Adding to the excitement was Dhiren who kept popping up like a jack-in-the-box in gmail every 5 mins with provocative statements like: She better not give you dhoka, tell her I told you so! :D

Finally towards evening, as my work got delayed, our plan to meet by 7pm got shifted to 8pm. Crafty sms-ed me asking me to let her know what time I leave office. For some reason although I did receive the sms, it completely skipped my mind. Worried that I was getting late, I left in a hurry. On the way I got Vimmuuu's call and by the time it ended I received an ambigious sms which said: “I’m here now. Will be here till you leave.” The last part confused me. Somehow I felt that she had reached the venue and she was waiting for me … but till I leave? I anyway replied saying: “I m on my way, almost reached.”

The panicked sms I received in response got me giggling. “OMG U LEFT? Complete kalippu! I thot you would sms me before that. Now I am coming, hang on!” (not exact wording, but something to that effect!). I reached a good 15-20 mins ahead of her at the venue and waited patiently, by which time I took a short walk around the marketplace and took a look at all the shops. Fortunately since her office wasn’t that far, she reached soon after. The closest landmark was a KFC and we promised to meet in front of that.

I was crossing the road when a Crafty- like looking female passed in front of me. I paused, trying to identify whether or not this was the person. I wasn’t completley sure. Then I decided to walk behind her quietly. :D (I enjoyed this bit!) By the time she started to cross the road to reach KFC I was sure this was her. I got slowed down by a few steps, by which time she already reached the entrance, picked her mobile and started calling. My phone started ringing. By then I was sure sure! :D I did not pick the phone, walked straight across to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She whirled around. We stared at each with identically idiotic grins.

And both of started talking at once. I explained to her how I had seen her from a little before, but followed her quietly all the same. Her response to that was a good dose of abundant laughter… and I must admit, she’s got the most infectious laughter on the planet :-)

“So where do we sit?” she finally asked.

“How about the CCD down the block?” I suggested.

She stared at me. “There’s a CCD here? Are you sure?”

I nodded. “Yup I just saw it.”

She stared some more with a funny expression on her face. “Er…ok. You come all the way from Delhi and you teach ME that there’s a CCD here? Um…!”

I burst out laughing!

Finally we walked into a nearby Barista. Our diet consisted of two rich chocolate shakes, one cheesy veg sandwich and one chocolate cheesecake. Calorie heaven. “There goes my diet,” she sighed. I blinked at her: “You actually follow a diet?” LOL

The funniest part came to where she tried to be the good host. I was perfectly happy with sharing the amount, or better yet, treating her. But she wouldn’t hear of it. She snatched her purse and ran to the counter before I could search for my own purse. “I don’t want to see your wallet!” she declared. Yep. Famous last words.

The amount came to Rs. 426/-. And Ms Good Host did not have the entire amount with her in cash. The guy at the counter looked at her politely and announced: “We don’t accept cards.” Crafty stared at the guy in shock: “What?! Oh no!”

“I’ll pay,” I quickly suggested. “No! NO! I HAVE the money!” she started looking frantically through her purse for more change. By then I had started laughing.

Crafty (wailing in despair): “Why don’t you accept cards?!”

Guy at the counter: “Er…!”

Me: ROFL!

I finally paid the remaining amount and we settled down to eat.

We talked about everything under the Sun… including Vimal’s upcoming marriage, about how I couldn’t meet Crafty last time round, where I was managing to stay this time round… everything!

And of course, so much of blog samaj and all you guys!!! :-)

Time flew. And then… my phone started ringing. We both looked down and saw the name of the caller…

To be continued…

To my one and only...

2010-01-16T23:24:00.005+05:30

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

Life has a way of teaching you these things unexpectedly. That is why they call experience the hardest teacher – she gives the test first and then the lesson.

Ultimately the extent of influence of a person does not lie in the wealth he has amassed or the amount of flamboyance he lived with. It is about the legacy and values he leaves behind for others to follow…

18 Jan 2010

To my dearest grandfather,

This 18th, it will turn a year since you left your physical presence in the world below and left for your heavenly abode. Hard to believe that a year has flown by but it has. I can think of no better tribute than to start this year’s first post about the reason I started blogging…

I have never imagined what a day without you would be like. I have never wanted to. And yet here I am, living on, moving on, stumbling along the path of life – not doing too badly – and yet wondering at every corner/decision whether you’d have approved or not.

The last one year since your departure has been tumultous for me. I was stumbling in the dark, crying out for help, trying to find a kind gesture or a support system that could pull me through. And over time I realised that although your friends and family can be there for you, you have to learn to heal yourself. Perhaps today… I can say with some convinction… that I have…or atleast am starting to.

Life is the biggest teacher. There comes a day when you stop wondering how to convince others… as long as you can convince yourself, your journey will always continue. No the problems won’t stop… but you will know why you decided to say/do something the way you did and stand by your convinctions.

There are times I wish I could meet up with you just once. There is so much I want to tell you…. The problems I faced after you left… how I overcame them… who all I have in my life now…. that I’ve restarted writing exactly as you had wished… how I am more at peace with myself after ages because I’ve learnt the difference between the things that can be changed and those that cannot be. Maybe you are already seeing it. How I wish I knew…

I have often wondered where you are. Are you watching me over me like a guardian angel? Or are you at peace where you are, having found eternal nirvana? I do not know. But one thing is for sure … wherever you are today, I hope you are far more at peace than you were when you used to be in your earthly abode. I will live without having you around me… what is more important is that you are at peace, wherever you may be. Because that is what you have taught me … when you love someone, his/her happiness is what matters over what YOU want for that person.

That is the biggest wealth you left behind for me. The convictions and beliefs you instilled in me over time, to make me into who I am today. I may falter, but I won’t stop. I will continue to seek and find. And I will live… long enough to make sure I grow to some who you wanted me to be… whom you would have been proud to see me become.

Wishing you eternal peace, my first love and my pillar of strength. I will miss you… always…

Eternally yours,
A piece of your heart.

P.S.: I’ve disabled comments on this one. Sorry guys. I hope you will understand…

2009 - an overview

2009-12-31T00:13:00.005+05:30

I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve wanted to edit blog posts or start on new ideas… but it. Just. Has. NOT. Happened, :-(

Thank goodness I started preparing for this post ages back. Hence I am able to submit now. Read on. No, don't groan and roll your eyes... YES, it is another year-ending post and I HAVE to put this up now. I cannot promise for it to be hilariously entertaining, but I can definitely try. :-) And yes, it IS a long post. Hey, I don't torture (read: post entries) often so the least I can do is to make sure when I do post, I post something long and never-ending right?
Me ducks the barrage of chappals and tomatoes and dives behind curtain for cover....

P.S.: Notice how the length of narrative for each month shortens as it to get towards the end of the year? That's how much I've been getting these days to blog :-/ Sigh...

2009
A terrible year to begin with… my graph hit rock bottom during the beginning. And from then began the climb. Quite a few ups and downs… A quick overview given below:

January

Started the new year with a bang…quite literally. Was out on a date with one of my friends. Barely did we go out for a drive in his car after the clock struck 12 than he banged his car into a divider on the road and burst a tyre plus damage the shock absorber. Fortunately both of us were unharmed but the outing ended then and there with him dropping me off in an auto. Atleast I reached back home… he had to spend half the night at the police station, getting his car towed back! (Yes, you can see my usual pattern here as well!! :P ) What a way to star the new year!!

On a more sober note, one of my life’s most irreplaceable losses took place this month. I lost my maternal grandfather to a stroke on Jan 18. Fortunately I was able to be near him during his last few days, or rather months, so there are plenty of happy memories to cherish, plus he didn’t suffer before he went. May his soul RIP…amen!

February

I successfully completed my (elementary) Level 1 French course at Alliance Francaise and gave my exams. The lessons helped provide a distraction from my mourning/depressive phase.

Alternatively, I also started my blog this month. My first entry was posted on Feb 20. Aaaand I was back in business. Of writing, that is. After 6 long years :-) Landmark month alright!

March

My birthday month! Spent a whole month in Ottapalam, Kerala with relatives, chilling. My mind needed that time to heal alright. By the end of it, I was fresh and ready to face the world again. Had a wonderful birthday where my parents organised a little celebration at home with close relatives. It felt wonderful to feel special and loved.

On a more humourous note, certain four-legged creatures took a liking to me… I got followed by a curious ox all over the place during a rare temple visit!

April

Got proposed to by a li’l pipsqueak … and it lasted all of 10 seconds. No, don’t get me started on it LOL

I returned to Delhi, taking along with me my 87 year old grandmother, my father’s mother, who went on to stay with us for awhile.

Started attending the gym…in an effort to improve my fitness.

More importantly, another significant development in my life took place. They say running into your reflection is a very rare thing in life. I did, much to my delight and surprise. Little did I know that it would be the beginning of my journey into blogosphere, blog samaj and so many valuable friends!

May

Recession made the process of job hunting a cumbersome process. However, I did attend a few interviews though, and things did look hopeful; but in the end nothing moved forward. Efforts were on side-by-side, to apply for my 2 year work permit in UK. What a pain gathering all the documents… wondered if there’s no end to it?

My grandmother returned to her native place towards the end of this month…after a pleasant stay with us. I concluded without doubt that life without grandparents doesn’t really serve the purpose.

The gym and I had a love-hate relationship going on by then. I took a king-size fall right outside the gym one day on another day got stuck inside the lift. Both times, no major harm was done though. The fall didn’t leave me injured and the lift started working immediately as well. But realised I’d better keep an eye out for future disasters there.

On a more sober note, one of my close friends lost his father to pneumonia. Felt too shocked to respond initially… realised life is so fleeting. Swore to appreciate better all the good things in life that I had around me. Prayed that he (and his family) would have the strength to endure and make it through.

June

Lost the grandmother of one of my closest friends to a sudden stroke. What is with this year 2009??? I’ve been losing far too many people close to me. But I’ve gained the company of a lot of new people too. Life has its own balance I guess. But one can never make up for the ones that leave…forever.

Pop star and legend Michael Jackson passed away this month as well. 2009 seemed a nasty year as far as deaths are concerned.

Sat around idle for far too long…my dad saw red. He went beserk initiating matrimonial profiles online and trying to get me sort through them. Didn’t work. Temporarily managed to postpone it for awhile. In the meantime, it gave way to a hit series on marriages and disasters!!! :D

By this time, I’ve gained a lot of friends through blogging… and got thoroughly initiated into the blog samaj! Komalikkal cousins, - Al-valaathi & EOG, - hitchy, cunny sis, indy, sols, smithus, smita, kanagu, swaram, nautankey, ki, pinkorchid, mathew, chronicwriter, oorjas, amit, amal bose and later on to destination infinity, praveen, anish, anil sawan, doctoratlarge, roflindian, sujith, rakesh and so many more.... [phew, I'm exhausted! pls dont ask me to name the rest!]

Highlight of the month: Just 4 months into the creation of my blog, my post ‘My first marriage proposal from the UK’ picked by blogadda.com for ‘Saturday spicy picks’. Dhiren’s words: dhinchak dhinchak… or better yet, vimmuuu’s style: danganaaka danganaaka :D :D And yay! to indyeah for announcing it to me first! :D

July

With a beautiful (and very positive) start to the month, I got through my 2 year work permit in the UK . I knew not soon after, I would be getting employed as well. Wow, what a long wait!

August

A jam packed month. Met up with my reflection finally. Also took a two week vacation to Kerala, enjoyed myself with entire family who had come down for the wedding of two of my cousins. Finally got through my offer letter and started work on the last day of this month. A lovely month all in all. Man, wish all months were like this!

September
Started work in Gurgaon. It feels humbling to be a salaried person again… especially when I know that just a few months back I was nothing after all. The reality check is good, lest it all go to my head.

Work timing became hectic and ate a lot into blogging and spamming time.

October

Work ate into my time... blogging came down drastically. Least busy month with my blog.

November
First official travel to Mumbai took place. Didn't get around to meeting Crafty or Smita unfortunately. But I did meet up with a very dear friend :-) who showed me around, fed me the best pav bhaji I've had in my whole life and took me for my first ride in the Mumbai local. You know I'm coming back for all that and more right Ani?

Some breaking news! My first ever interview got published at speakbindaas.com. Woohoo! :D I'm in demand :P

December
Unfortunately a jam-packed month with work. Was able to take a quick vacation to Kerala, but that’s about it. Hope to ring in the new year with loved ones!
Of course, how can I forget? Realised I was blessed to have the friends I do, when I came to know a lot of my posts got nominated for the Avant Garde Blog Awards... without me ever having to lift a finger...or even coming to know about it! :-) Life has its own way of rewarding you... always!

Three things I am grateful for, that 2009 gave me:
1) Restarting writing. I got a part of myself back!

2) My blog and my blog friends. No replacing ANY of them :-) So glad I know all of you!

3) My job. And my new friends at work.

My wish-list for 2010? I am not sure I want to call them resolutions; that’s like kinda degrading them.

1) To be the person I used to be. The downs of 2009 really took me down with them… I need to concentrate on being the person I used to be, to take challenges head-on, to be confident and to have faith in myself and my own future

2) To consciously take an effort to be in the blog world more often… I am thankfully still in touch with most of my blog friends and manage to comment on your posts… but not as often as I’d like. I’d like to keep writing more regularly, it’s a gift I received this year

3) To pursue more interests and develop my life a bit more… and not just die over work and more work

Lessons learnt this year:

* Do not sacrifice anything for someone who is not willing to do the same for you
* Learn to put one’s foot down when one’s interests are being compromised… be it even with one’s own family.
* Sometimes all you need to do is ask, you shall be given. Sometimes when you want to collapse, help is sent to make sure you don’t. It need not come from the direction in which you expect, but it comes nevertheless.
* As always, the darkest hour of night is just before dawn. Sometimes the darkest hour happens so that you appreciate the light that comes after it.
* Whatever will be, will be. Worrying about it or not, doesn’t really make a difference in the outcome except killing one’s own peace of mind :P
* The happiest people (particularly the ones who laugh the most and make others laugh as well) don’t necessarily have the best of everything… they just make the most of everything that comes their way. I learnt to respect concealed vulnerability in people… and in myself.

Enough of boring you already! Wishing all of you a very wonderful 2010... may your dreams come true this year... sprinkled with joy, liveliness and peace of mind! God bless! :-)

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My Interview at Speakbindas!!

2009-11-28T18:56:00.002+05:30

Proudly announcing : (drumroll)

My interview at Speakbindas.com

http://www.speakbindas.com/i-generally-avoid-controversial-topics-on-my-blog-ashwathy/

It's an honour...really! :D

Matrimonial mish-mashes – Part II

2009-11-06T13:58:00.006+05:30

Had been planning this post for awhile now, but had wanted to put it up once I moved to WP (Yes guys, you have bothered me enough already!! :D ) But unfortunately work at office and some health issues made blogging take a backseat, and I realised that if I wait until I entirely setup the WP page I might have to stop blogging altogether, considering the long pause it has caused!

I am working on the WP page for now. In the meantime, shall be updating this blog like before. Here's the 2nd part of the much awaited matrimony post!! :D Enjoy!

Btw, this being my 25th post n all, I'd like to consider it a milestone in itself....
reminding me to continue writing/blogging
...and to be thankful to have gained such an audience within a short span of time :-) Love ya guys n gals!!

Proudly announcing: :D :D :D

Matrimonial mish-mashes – Part II

Note: To read the first part of this post, see here. This post is written from my Amma’s and step-dad’s point of view. Enjoy! :-) At my expense, that is! LOL
This post does contain some amount of exaggeration as compared to Part I, but what the hell, it’s all in good fun right?

P.S.: Any eligible guys or their mothers reading this blog post are kindly advised to leave the premises immediately. If planning to proceed reading, they are kindly requested to take precautionary measures/medicines not to get heart attacks in between.

This has been put together from various conversations I’ve had with my mother and step-dad. I had been been to their place for 10 days… break before joining work.
Amma: Now that you have a job and all, we need to think ahead.
Me (pretending to be innocent): You mean move ahead and get a promotion already? My boss won’t allow that so soon!
Unfortunately the sarcasm just bounced off her. Amma (still dreamy): Yes it’s a promotion but of a different kind!
I rolled my eyes and pretended not to listen.

Amma: I’d like a guy with…
Me: Hmmm?
Amma: A mustache!
What?!!
Me (exasperated): Ammaaaaa!! I am talking about the guy’s qualities!
Amma: Oh ok ok. Can’t I just say what’s on my mind? Now let me see… He should come from a good family…
Me: Hmm…ok. What else?
Step-dad (cutting in): Ask him to come and meet us first of all. Let me have a talk with him and I’ll decide!
Uh-oh! I hear alarm bells ringing!
My step-dad is a lawyer… with a killer sense of humour! That’s like a deadly combination. You won’t know what hit you… he can be sarcastic and pull the legs off you… and you won’t realise it because he’s so charming and witty about it. Basically, the poor guy (who comes to ask for my hand) is screwed.

Amma: Don’t you have any eligible bachelor blog friends??
Whaaaat??? Uh-oh… where was this heading??
I swore never to let her see or access - not even by mistake - two people's profile... one who carries the quintessential hope of Ms Z and the other who perennially loves bathrooms … (P.S.: this conversation happened before the latter’s engagement. So that’s one down now!)
Looks like I'll have to get the other hitched to someone for my own safety!!!

The qualities continued.
Amma: He should be simple. Preferably a teetotaller and non-smoker.
Me (looking doubtful): Are you sure? Is it all that important in today’s world?
Amma (continuing as if she hadn’t heard me): And prefer a simple life…
Me (irritated): Hey! Let ME be the judge of that, ok? I am the one who is going to live with him!
Amma (frowning): Do you want me to finish what I’m saying or not???
I frowned back at her, looking alarmingly similar.

Dad interfered smoothly and set us apart… I’ve always thought he should take up referee-ing.. it suits him!
There was silence for a moment before I started again.

Me (*evil grin*): In fact I know just the picture to show the eligible guys and their families. I have this photo of myself from the UK dressed up as a witch during Halloween. It was a proper costume with hooked nose, fake claws and black cape. All that was missing was a broomstick! In fact I can dress up in that when the guy comes to “see” me. I am thinking of zooming around on an imaginary broomstick before him! Wow! What an idea!

I was met with silence. I turned around to see Amma and dad stare at me as if I just escaped from the looney-bin.
Amma (still staring): Tell me I didn’t hear that
Dad (smirking): You did. So did I!
I grinned.
Me: In fact I am also thinking of telling him I turn into a werewolf at night! If he still continues with the proposal it means he really loves me right?
Amma stared at me in alarm, as if she were having heart attack, asthma and gas trouble all at one go. “Jeez, relax!! Can’t you take a joke?!” I hastily reassured her.
Unfortunately she didn’t look convinced.
Now I am afraid she will gag me with choloform and take me out on a stretcher, for fear of me saying something like this when the guy’s family comes home!!
My case will go down in history as the first case of girl seeing where the girl is unconscious when it happens! In fact, they may continue the trend upto the marriage mandap and wake me up just before the mangalsutra tying! OK OK… I am letting my imagination run riot! :D

That night I discussed the situation with a friend of mine. She suggested telling the boy’s parents that I have AIDS. I was banned from talking to her after that. Sheesh! Mothers of children eligible do NOT have a sense of humour; they simply cannot take a joke :-/
That’s when I came to realise that the law of indirect proportion applies here. The closer one’s child is to marriageable age, the more hyper the mother becomes and the less becomes her ability to tolerate jokes! I am not sure when the stage of hysteria will set in… maybe I when I hit the 30 year mark in 6 years time and I am still unmarried because I haven’t found a boy ~~courageous~~ good enough to marry me? :D

One of my other friends who visited my home happened to mention an even bigger blunder.
She: But where would you hold the wedding? In your dad’s place or mom’s place? They are both in two cities right?
Oops…wrong thing to say, she realised too late.
My mom overheard it and started give me dirty looks. I hastily took my friend out of the house fearing another ensuing ban.

We sat outside on the porch and discussed random stuff.
She: You keep hearing so many dowry deaths these days, and not just in poor families. It makes one scared to even think of marriage. (And this coming from someone who eloped to get married a year back! The world is full of loonies… I am NOT the only one! )
Me (grinning): Hmm so what? I plan to walk into the house with a can of petrol and a box of matches. One should be prepared!
My friend (taking me seriously): What?!! You will contemplate suicide???
Me *evil grin*: Are you mad? I’m talking about setting cruel in-laws on fire. Tit for tat! I will avenge the death of so many poor girls the world over! What fun! Wheee!!
Unfortunately my mom happened to pass by and overheard the last bit.
That was the last I ever saw that friend. My mom had her permanently banned from the house. And I am forbidden to mouth any more smart-ass dialogues.
Sigh… And they say life is easy for today’s youth! :-(

More to follow soon, folks! This series ain’t gonna come to an end anytime soon! :D

Tag - you're it!

2009-10-16T08:14:00.004+05:30

Sorry folks! I know it's been awhile! Been working on something (psst.. secret till I unveil it ;-) )
Anyway quickly putting up this tag. Before you groan and click the page, take a look at it. doctoratlarge tagged me for this and I found it a wee bit different from the other ones, so thought might as well go ahead and do it.

1. What is your current obsession?
Would've said blogging till one month back, but now it's more like work work work... and trying to meet cute guys there of course! :P

2. What are you wearing today?
Yea, wouldn't you like to know! :-/

3. What’s for dinner?
How would I know? Go ask my mom!

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
My formal business suit! It's got a dapper look! :-)

5. What are you listening to right now?
Gaalis from my boss! Kidding. Silence of office and clicking of keyboards

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Killer sense of humour, I say!

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
I'd like it portable please... so that I can take it where I want... I love travelling and I tend to keep changing my mind! :P

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Apart from cake piece? Hmm... possibly t-shirts and cotton skirts. capris, even.

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Londonnnnnnn!! (This one's a total no-brainer when I'm head over heels in love with the place!)

10. Which language do you want to learn?
Wanted to learn French, already did. Now maybe I should go for something more exotic like African Zulu tribe communication? :D

11. What’s your favourite quote?
Right now? "We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are" (Courtesy: Solilo's interview post at blogadda.com ... loved the quote the moment I spotted it).

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
Komalikkal cousins!! I dont get meet them online or any of the rest in blog samaj since I joined work... miss 'em all :-(

13. What is your favourite colour? Blue (No I'm not promoting the Akshay Kumar movie, this is the truth)

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?
Casuals... jeans and tops. Or possibly comfy old t-shirts I simply refuse to throw away and it infuriates my dad like anything because (he thinks) I look ready to beg on the streets wearing it! lol

15. What is the one thing you'd like to have right now? (question changed)
A well-paid cushy job in the UK with job security (wow, I like dreaming, don't I ? :D )

16. What’s your favourite magazine?
Loads! I read a lot. Harvard Business Review, Forbes business list, Good Housekeeping, Femina, ... all the way to Tintin, Asterix and Archie comics (I know, what a crazy bunch, eh?)

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on? Would a ticket to London come in that?

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Any clothing worn by people who cant carry it off. Fashion is more about wearing what you are comfortable in and what suits you, rather than blindly following trends.

19. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
If I want it from Javed Habib? Like you're going to pay for it? Get real!

20. What are you going to do after this?
(@#$%^& censored) Um.. never mind. Get back to work I guess? (This was written when I get some free time in between work... see how dedicated I am?)

21. What are your favourite movies?
Too long a list!

22. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can’t live without?
Lip balm, eyeliner, kajal, moisturiser, deo.

23. What inspires you?
People who tend to see the positive side of any negative situation... it's an art.

24. Give us three styling tips that always work for you.
Wow, you're asking the wrong person this question. I am one of those bozos who likes roaming around in old tees while at home. But anyway, will provide these three unfailing tips:
--- You can't go wrong with black (except if you are determined to! :P )
--- Blow drying hair when in a hurry and scrunching it to receive a natural look (always works for me since I have a daily-wear easy to maintain haristyle but don't know how it will work for many others!)
--- Take a little effort to wear the kind of dress/clothes that suits your body type (For eg: tall people avoid vertical stripes and those on the ..er... healthier side pls avoid horizontal ones.) It may not seem important but it does make a difference to pay attention to little things. Even a fashion UNconscious person like me ( :D ) takes care for this atleast!

25. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
Try mix-n-match. If all fails, go shopping (duh!)

26. Coffee or tea?
Coffee ANYDAY! :D True blue coffee addict. I need my morning cuppa without fail !

27. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Talk to someone who can knock some sense into me and lift my spirits again

28. What is the meaning of your name?
Named after an astrological star - which, ironically, I was NOT born under (Does that explain my split personality disorder syndrome? Hmm...food for though!)

29. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
Unapologetic chocoholic

30. Favorite Season?
Spring. If not, autumn... I love the breeze and the gently falling leaves

31. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Do I even know you? It will depend on that! :P
(More importantly, does your stomach have insurance? Then I will ! :D )

32. What’s the worst thing to eat in the world?
Your pride! :-)

33. My question – What is your most shameful secret? LOL! Man, somebody's got a sense of humour! Like I'm gonna reveal it in public! Dream on!

Rules for those who are tagged: Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. ~~Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.~~
Those who like the tag can take it up. I am not forcing anyone. It's an interesting tag and those who feel they'll have fun doing it (I certainly did), are welcome to take it.

On a lighter note, wishing you all a very happy and prosperous Diwali!!! God bless!!!

.

Dusshera doldrums!

2009-09-28T22:07:00.008+05:30

Heylo folks! I had been wanting to put up a fiction-based post for quite sometime but never got around to writing it. That's when I suddenly got fodder for the post today.

This one's a celebration of being in India :-)
Being in Delhi NCR area, the Dusshera celebrations are a treat to watch... especially with the huge effigies of Ravana are burnt with much fanfare and celebration.

Fortunately for me, we have a park right across the block from ours. So we can see the entire proceedings in the park while standing on the terrace of our building. My bro, cousin and me set out to the terrace at 7pm today to take a look at the happenings.

Unlike the last few times, this time's Ravana-burning (or whatever you call it) had acquired a different twist. The songs in the background blared on the loudspeaker began with bhajans, shifted to Jee karda from 'Singh is King' after a little while. My bro and I rolled our eyes yet continued to watch. Shortly afterwards the music shifted to Punjabi numbers... particularly tribute to Daler Mehndi and Mika. Surprise, surprise.... a little later, they shifted the music to Vengaboys!!!

We were like looking at one another not knowing what to say... whether to laugh or slap a hand to our foreheads! Talk about Americanisation of India! This can only happen here. Imagine people preparing to blow up Ravana while rocking to 'I am going to Ibiza'. People, believe me, it was a riot!!! :D I think in their enthusiasm to burn Ravana's figure, they forgot language barriers!

The announcements from the speakers were a class apart. "Bhaion aur unki behenon! (Brothers and THEIR sisters!) Meghanath ke haathon ke sponsors ab aa gaye hain! Unhe swagat kijiye! (The sponsor of the hands of the Meghanath figure is here...please welcome him!)"
I was doubling over with laughter by then!!! What WAS this, anyway? I'm yet to hear any sponsor being welcomed like THIS! What did they do... put together these figurines from sponsors piece by piece separately? I'm sure Ravana would have woken up from grave, slapped him and gone back! :P

Well once the idols of Meghanath and Kumbhkarna were burnt, the action shifted to the biggest idol of them all... Ravana. Fireworks lit up the sky.

There was a lull in action and music... people began to get bored. And to everyone's horror, Ravana began to tilt precariously, all of 30 feet swaying dangerously. It seemed as if he himself were saying: "People can you hurry it up? I need to go to hell!" (Quote courtesy: my cousin :D )

Worried shouts: "Arre bhai, peeche khincho! (Pull it back!)"
People started pulling taut the ropes that connected him to the trees and buildings nearby. As the figurine got steadied, the voice blaring out announcements on speaker began to chant: "Jai shriram! Jai shriram!"
People (Indians are an excited bunch, aren't we?) began to gather around the figurine peering curiously as to WHY he started to sway. Wow, rocket science!
Immediately the voice on the microphone blared: "Main haath jod kar kehta hoon... pleaseeeeee aap log peeche hatiye varna chot lag jayega! (I'm begging you with folded hands, please move back people or else you will get hurt!"
Huh? That didn't sound like a public announcement to me at all!

Considering Ravana's hurry to rot in hell, people took pity on him and finally proceeded to light him afire.

And finally, thar she blows...er..he falls!

Last week Eid, this week Dusshera, next week Gandhi Jayanti... so many holidays! And then Christmas coming up in a couple of months! Man, I love this country! :D Land of festivals ki jai!

Happy Dusshera, one and all :-)

P.S.: Pic courtesy (in case anyone is wondering): ME!!! :D

The Fast & Furious tag

2009-09-13T11:03:00.006+05:30

This is a tag prompted by Destination Infinity...
Took long enough to get around to it. I started initially with five songs... but found myself adding many more.

These may not be like THE BEST numbers around, but they are decent... and I tried my best not to repeat any songs from others who did this tag before me. Some of the songs have foot tapping and catchy music but they need not necessarily be dance numbers per se. I added them anyway. Enjoy, folks! :-)

Hindi:

Mauja hi mauja - Jab We Met [hit film, hit music]

Dhan te naan - Kaminey [it rocked the nation the moment the song was launched]

Beedi jalai le - Omkara [the dance floors still burn with this number]

English:

Haste to the wedding - The Corrs [not a typical dance number, but I was hooked to the music the moment I heard it 7+ years back]

Tokyo drift - The Fast & the Furious [the name from which the tag draws its inspiration... it's one of my all-time favourite numbers]

Tamil:

Raadhai manadhu - Snegithiye [one peppy dance number... exudes energy from the word 'go']

Uyirin uyire - Kakka kakka [Surya, Jyothika, Gautam Menon, great music, great story, great film... need I say more?]

Maambazhamaa - Pokkiri [Tamil dance at its best :D ]

Malayalam:

Chandana mani - Praja [catchy music... foot tapping beats]

Paadam vanamali - Kakkakuyil [btw the dresses of the dancers are straight out of an Ila Arun album that came out in mid 90's. Few people noticed it tho!]

Osalama - Runway [was at a loss which category to place it... it's from a Malaylaam film but the song is entirely Tamil. I somehow like this song but it didn't really become much famous.]

Thattum muttum - Puthiya Mukham [recently released... love the choreography and dance of the lead actors... there's something about this song that I like]

Vacation diary!

2009-09-06T21:19:00.019+05:30

Alright folks! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack! :D
This post has been long overdue by now. My camera didn't have all the required pics and I had to wait until my folks came back. Pic courtesy: me and my bro. I wanted to wait until I had pics from my cousin's camera as well and load them all together... but that might take another week, so thought might as well go ahead with this one for now.
I can make all the other pics into another post if need be.

The pics aren't the best that can be... but these are some of my fav shots in the entire list. It was a peaceful vacation and I am sorry I couldn't stay longer.

Of course, but before the pics, I have to mention how I met The Devil Incarnate himself at Chennai airport :D My flight from Delhi to Trivandrum had been via Chennai and I had a stopover time of 4 hours which I decided to put to good use.
At Delhi airport, the conversation went so:
Vimmuuu: So that's all set. I'll get to the airport by 3.30pm and will wait outside. But (trying to sound innocent) how would I recognise you?
Me (sounding equally innocent): I have a mole on my right elbow. Would that help?
V (grinning): Nahhh I'll recognise you anyway! Will spot you immediately as you come out!
Me: We'll see!!

My flight leaving at 1pm from Delhi was supposed to land by 3.30pm and my connecting flight was at 7.30pm from there. So I figured 4 hours should be good enough.
But, wouldn't you know it... what we plan and what really happens is always a different story. My flight got delayed by an hour and a half and I reached Chennai by 5pm. I had barely stood up from seat and switched on the phone when his call came.
V: Where are you???
Me: I am still INSIDE THE PLANE!
V: Oh!! Ok ok. I am waiting outside the terminal in the arrival area!!
Me (sighing): Yes I know...
V: Er..ok
*Hangs up*
I grinned. This has got to be interesting alright!

Finally after collecting my luggage, I slowly started pushing my trolley to the exit, all the while scanning the crowd for his face. No such luck. I came out, still scanning faces but he was nowhere around. Finally I pushed my way back into the Departure terminal so that I could atleast check-in my luggage and be free of it, when his call came.
V: Where are you???
Me: Idiot! Where were you? I looked all around. Now I walked back into Departure area again. Thought you were here since I didn't spot you there.
V: Heheheh.... oh that! I was sitting to one side since I had been standing for the past 15 mins waiting for you
Me (slapping a hand to my forehead): God! You and your brilliant ideas!
So much for recognising and spotting immediately on arrival!
Me: Fine, come to departure area.
V: Departure area??? You went there already? * grumbles incoherently * OK fine..wait

I waited inside near the doors peeking now and then to spot him. Shortly, The Devil made his appearance swivelling his head in all directions possibe in order not to miss me... or possibly to check out how many goodlooking girls there were around him! I grinned and ducked behind a pillar. His call then came.
V: I'm here. Where are you?
Me: I am inside. And I seeee youuuu!
V: What??
Me: That's a nice t-shirt you are wearing! I can seee youuu!!
V (growling and looking in all directions): Where the hell are you!!!
Me (ROFL): OK OK I am coming!

Finally I walked out. He turned around, spotted me. We approached each other with identical stupid grins. And to my utter surprise, he handed me a boquet of flowers. I blinked, not really digesting it. Then took it anyway.
And then to our excitement we started talking all at once... and walked from one end of the airport... to the other end... and then back again!!! :D
And then we stopped. Finally found a CCD nearby and ducked into it.

In between conversations over nothing, laughter, jokes, loads of picture clicking and the battery conking out after every 3 pictures, him turning his head each time he saw a good looking chick (and later admitting that turned out be an old aunty only), debates over who between us is taller, discussions on his impending engagement 1 week away, two cold coffees and a yummy chocolate cake (which he was gracious enough to get me becoz I am a complete chocoholic :D yay! )... 2 hours flew like 2 minutes. And finally it was time to leave.

Initially I had wondered whether we would have enough to talk about. Boy, was I ever wrong! We couldn't shut our mouths enough.... we babbled so much nonsense that people around us started staring!! :D And then we forced ourselves to tone down our volume.

[ (Edited to add): He bought the second set of batteries when we were on the way back to the departure terminal. Now what to do with the first set? We looked at each other and blinked. Suddenly a light bulb popped over his head (purely imaginary style of course)!
V: What if we leave these batteries in its cover on the ground? Would somebody pick them up?
Me (staring): What??!! Don't tell me you're actually going to do that!!
V: Of course! Watch!
We strolled back to terminal with him humming under his breath and trying to look casual. Then in a flash of a second, he bent down to tie his shoelace. I waited patiently by his side. And then he was up with a wisecrack smile on his face. I blinked, looked up and down and sideways... before I spotted the batteries (dead ones) innocently sitting in their cover right next to his shoes.
V: Buahahah!
Me: What?! You actually left those there? No wonder you were tying your shoelace with so much care!
V (looking innocent): Dum di dum dum di dum...
Laughing at the sheer madness of it, we strolled back to the departure area. ]

And at the departure bay we were still talking talking talking until the last minute and I hurried inside lest I miss the flight. On the way back inside about 30 feet away from him, I decided to be gracious and blew him a flying kiss a-la Aishwarya Rai after winning the Miss World...and then bestowing affection upon an earthworm or a commoner :D I misunderestimated his capacity...poor guy who was standing waving goodbye to me near the railings nearly toppled over it in shock. I shook my head... that one went to waste. Lesson learnt: Never try this on people with weak hearts!! They may think it is A-rated. :D

By the time I reached the security area, they were already announcing my name. I hurried into the plane ... a grin still on my lips. Someday a visit Chennai again...until then, the memories... and the pics... would be good enough.

And I was up, up, and away... air-borne to Kerala....

P.S.: I did reach a call from the devil after I landed...confirming that the batteries he left there had gone missing on his way back!! :D

Pic courtesy: my bro... loved the cloud-covered Sahyadri mountain in the distance. View from Coimbatore.

All the four shots above show the beloved Bharathapuzha river near Ottapalam-Palakkad in Kerala. Loved spending time by the river-bed... or wading through it when it is full.

Love the glorious green open fields...

This one's my handiwork :D The sparrow was thinking: "who's the nutcase clicking my pics?"

Storm clouds gathering in the distance. Nothing beats monsoon in Kerala.

Shots of sun-set at the Shangumugam beach in Trivandrum

If family reunion is close by, then can good food be far away? OK I just made that quote up... but it explains the situation anyway! :D

The modest atha pookalam at my grandmother's place. It rained the night before and the flowers refused to dry up even after being arranged on the ground :D

Unfortunately I had to return before Onam to join work... but my folks stayed on to enjoy this as well. Can't do without putting atleast one pic up! Yummy!

The beloved cloud-covered Sahyadri mountain range on the way back, this time the view from Kerala.

Last shot of the bridge into Coimbatore city as I move to the airport. All good things have to come to an end and so did this. Sigh...

The letter tag!

2009-08-24T11:58:00.005+05:30

Avada Kedavra tagged me for this one. I think I must be one of the few remaining to do it yet. Might as well get it over with!

TAG RULES:

It’s harder than it looks!
Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and ~~tag your friends~~ . I am not going to name anyone... if anyone wants to take it up, go ahead. I’m sure most people must have done it by now.
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real… nothing made up! OK fair enough :P
If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. Sheesh! Talk about making life difficult!
You cannot use any word twice and you can’t use your name for the boy/girl name question.
Have Fun!! Yea right! :P

1. What is your name: Undakanni (so sue me! my name and even my nicknames start with ‘A’ and I HAD to do this tag with a different letter coz ‘A’ was used by the person before me!)

2. A four Letter Word: Urdu (lovely language that one! :-) )

3. A boy’s Name: Uday (In case you’re wondering, yes I derived it from actor Uday Chopra’s name... I’m no fan of him but there aren’t that many guys’ names starting with ‘U’)

4. A girl’s Name: Ursula!!! :D (What? It IS a name!)

5. An occupation: Umpire (Now don’t tell me that’s not an occupation!)

6. A colour: Ultra-violet (What?? There’s possibly nothing else I can think of!)

7. Something you wear: Undies (heheh can’t get more honest than this! :P)

8. A food: Uzhunnu vada (It’s the typical malayali name of the donut-like vada one has with sambar)

9. Something found in the bathroom: (With the letter ‘U’???? Please don’t make me say it!!)

10. A place: Ukraine (Two of my flat-mates in London were from here)

11. A reason for being late: U! (And by that I mean all YOU guys who make me sit up late chatting and blogging! :P )

12. Something you shout: Unbelievable! (ok I say it SOMETIMES)

13. A movie title: Unbreakable (my spirit :P jokes apart, I haven’t seen this movie yet )

14. ~~Something you~~ A drink: Upside-down martini (I haven’t drunk it so far but it’s the only drink I’ve ever heard that starts with this letter!)

15. A musical group: Utopia (Eclectic Prog band from the USA. Check them out here)

16. An animal: Unicorn (OK it’s mythical, but atleast I didn’t make it up na!)

17. A Street name: U Street Corridor, Washington

18. A type of car: Uno (Fiat) (not the best choice, but the first that came to my mind)

19. A song title: U me aur hum (This damn alphabet leaves only few choices! :P)

20. A verb: Use (your brains!!)

Will be back next week with a new post. No tags that one .. hopefully can load some good pics of my vacation and Kerala scenery! But for now, toodle-oo! :-)

Shoe-shop shenanigans!

2009-08-18T15:43:00.011+05:30

Aloha, folks! Currently I am enjoying a well-earned break at my hometown Trivandrum in Kerala... and joining my new job next month. My would-be boss has already warned me to enjoy my remaining time away from the madness of career world, so I am wisely listening to his advice. See? He’s already earned my respect, the dear fellow!! :D

One of my blogmates was asking me on chat as to what my next post would be. I replied with a grin that being in one’s hometown in a relaxed mood... will automatically get the creative juices flowing. Either that, or something stupid or comic is bound to happen to me anyway. I wasn’t disappointed.

This morning, I entered a leather-goods-cum-shoe shop in search of an overnight bag. From there began my encounter with the hostile beings ~~from another planet~~ .

The shop wore a deserted look and I wasn’t sure whether or not to approach it. Since there were few customers other than me, I thought it would automatically translate into individual attention plus a quicker purchase. Hah! Boy, was I ever wrong!

I stepped inside the two-storied shop and asked the first salesman I saw regarding an over-night travel bag. He pointed me to their upper storey where bags are kept. I went up the stairs and walked into a single room where there were bags of all shapes and sizes kept, including VIP suitcases. The only other customer in the shop apart from me, was perusing through some suitcases while a salesgirl was opening and shutting them at alarming speed.

I looked around. There were 2 other salesgirls busy in their own work so I politely cleared my throat, trying to gain their attention. No use. They kept on with their work; one keeping rucksacks into a cover and the other dusting a travel bag. I cleared my throat a little louder. The salesgirl who was dusting the travel bag stopped her work and turned around, as if surprised at the interruption.

SalesGirl1 (in a bored, disinterested tone): Hmm...entha vendathu? (What do you want?)
I blinked. Oooook, so did I interrupt her daydream?
She sounded like I was trespassing on personal property and she was demanding an explanation.

Me: Umm... I’d like to see one of your overnight cases please.
SalesGirl1: Oh... you mean travel bag
Duh! Then what did you think I meant... school bags??
I pointed to the one behind her.
Me: I’d like something like that, but in a smaller size.
SalesGirl1(staring at me): I don’t think we have anything smaller than that.
The way she was looking at me was as if I had asked for an overnight travel bag the size of a matchbox.

Then reluctantly she left her dusting job and went to the other side of the room. There she removed a huge VIP suitcase from the shelf. By then I was staring at her as if she’d gone bonkers. To my relief, behind that large suitcase were a variety of small travel bags, out of which she gave me one.

Me (examining it): Does this have a warranty?
SalesGirl1: No, but you can bring it in for maintenance if something goes wrong
Maintenence? What did she think this was?! A microwave oven perhaps?

Finally I selected the same one and went downstairs for the billing. A little away from the billing counter, there were some footwear displayed. I needed some open-ended sandals for daily use... so I started looking through the displayed specimens. The SalesGuy I met when I came first came inside, hopped and skipped enthusiastically to reach the counter and looked at me hopefully. More out of pity for him than my own interest, I asked him to show me some of the sandals. I finally selected one and asked him to show that in my size. He nodded his head so vigorously that I feared it would drop off altogether, then rushed to the basement – possibly where their store room is.

I waited patiently... and started browsing through the other items in the shop. On a nearby counter, there were a variety of plastic dabbas and the likes kept. I wandered over, trying to remember what it was that my mother wanted me to buy. I might have looked dazed a moment, trying to recollect. Before I knew it, there was another sales-girl who jumped into the way before me blocking me from walking into the counter.

SalesGirl2 (looking at me suspiciously): Enthanu? (Yes...what?)
I blinked. Sheesh! Maybe they should change the name of this shop to Enthanu vendathu (what do you want)...it sure seemed like their motto!

I realised SalesGirl2 was still staring at me like an immigration official who discovered a flaw in my passport.
Me: Do you have those plastic zipper pouches?
SalesGirl2 (staring at me as if I escaped from a mental asylum): What??
Me: You know... those plastic water-tight pouches with zips?
SalesGirl2 (muttering uncertainly): No I don’t think we have those.
I shrugged, shook my head and walked back to the shoe-display area, by which time the tired looking Sales-Guy came back up.

Sales-Guy1: Sorry madam, we don’t have any in your size.
Wow! Thanks a lot for making my feet sound like the size of Godzilla’s feet!
Me: OK never mind! What about this one?
I pointed to another model, and the enthusiastic guy pounced on it before disappearing down the stairs into the basement again. What did they have down there anyway? An experimental lab where they tried their tests on shoes? And then give them to innocent customers? For eg: shoes that have an inexplicable bounce in them when they are used?

Once again I started my rounds within the shop. I am sure the microbes and bacteria in that shop would have also been looking bored...provided I could see them.
I have a severe dust allergy problem, and by the time I walked past an area where another Sales-Guy was dusting some knick-knacks, I couldn’t control my instincts. I had barely enough time to grab a tissue from my bag before I sneezed 3-4 times non-stop. I sat down on a nearby chair. When I looked up, I realised the Sales-Guy had moved some 20 feet away from me. I looked at him puzzled for a minute before realisation dawned.
Of course! He suspects I’ve swine flu!
I grinned.
OK you want swine flu? I’ll give you swine flu!
I scrunched up my nose and pretended to sneeze about 5 times more, by which time the owner of shop who had been sitting snoring at the counter shook himself awake and stared at me. I was about to sniffle my nose and cough a bit for more effect, when suddenly Sales-Guy1 walked out with the footwear.

Reluctantly I stood up and went to try the shoes.
SalesGuy1 (looking sheepish): Sorry madam, we don’t have the colour you want. But we have a similar model here. You can try this on.
Me (looking at him exasperated): But I wanted that colour!
SalesGuy1 (pleading): Madam, this colour is better. Please try it!

I hate seeing grown men cry, so finally I gave in and tried on the pair. To be honest, they were looking decent. I tried to walk around to the front of the shop to see how they felt. Within a second, there was SalesGirl2 blocking the path. I think these people thought I was going to walk off in those chappals!

SalesGirl2: Madam, the mirror is that-a-way!
Me (patiently): I know... I wanted to walk a bit and see how these are.
She reluctantly moved out of the path. I went back to the mirror just once to take a look and walked back again. The next moment, SalesGuy2 was in my path.
SalesGuy2: Madam, the mirror is there!
Wow, Einstein! I didn’t know that!
Me (patience lost): I have eyes... I can see!
Alarmed, he moved out of the way and I stomped off toward the exit for added effect. They waited in bated breath and finally heaved a sigh of relief when I turned around at the exit and came back to the counter.

Me: Fine, I’ll take these. This and the bag please.
After a hurried billing session, I was about to walk off when suddenly...
SalesGuy1 (in the tone of ‘Eureka!!’): Madam, MADAM!!!
I turned around, alarmed, half-expecting him to say he discovered a substitue for petrol. SalesGuy1 had reappeared from the depths of the ~~dungeon~~ store-room.

SalesGuy1 (looking triumphant): We found the pair in the colour you wanted!!!
The expression on his face was if he was expecting me to pat him on the back for being a genius. That was it. I couldn’t control anymore. I burst out laughing.
The smile on the guy’s face faded. He scratched the back of his head, looking sheepish. I controlled my laughter with difficulty and turned to exit.

Me (smiling and waving a cheerful goodbye): That’s ok...you can keep them!

May such ~~lunatics~~ characters live forever! Amen! :D

P.S.: Pic taken off Google

Cross-Border-Terrorism - Part IV - THE CRISIS!

2009-08-12T00:33:00.010+05:30

Apologies to all my other readers. This post is a continuation of a mad tag started by hitchwriter, carried over by OG who dumped it on vimmuuu, who finally passed it on to me. For those who actually are curious enough to undergo the torture of reading the previous posts that led to this one: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3(a) and Part 3(b) are here. You are under no compulsion to read it, but this post will make little sense without that. I’ll be back with an individual post next time round.
For those who actually venture into reading all of that, God bless you! LOL. Be prepared for a rollercoaster ride!
And for those fated individuals who have actually been keeping track of this mad, MAD tag… the fun begins… all over again!! Wooohooo!! :D And yes, it IS beyond longgggg (I seem to have been taking lessons from my adoptive parent !! :P hehehe) This is my longest post yet – and possibly the silliest!!! And if people don't like it, I can arrange for my own burial... before they murder me first! coz I've made fun of everyone possible in here! All in good jest, people!

Mission Al-Shabab is well underway and its team members are sitting together for a meeting in their private quarters. Ash, a.k.a Manager Undakanni sits at the head of the table, while “Cunny” Crafty stands to the side, ready to write down the minutes of the meeting. The rest of the team members are seated before them one after the other.

Manager Undakanni: “Let the roll-call begin!”
Cunny (with a salute): “Yes ma’am!”
She looks down at a list in her hands and starts calling out names:
Cunny: “Al-Bikhari!”
OG: “Here!”
Cunny: “Indyeahcian!”
Indyeah (adjusting her specs and beaming proudly): “here!”
Cunny: “Al-Kisladin!”
Kislay: “Here!”
Cunny: “Al Dhirusama!”
There’s a pause…
Cunny: “Al-Dhirusama!!”
Hitchwriter: “ *Chomp chomp!* ”

Everone turns around and stares…
Hitchy looking up suddenly: “I’m here! Present! Sorry! Just finishing eating my favourite Gujarati foolka roti and rasa wala batata nu shaak. This is what happens when Managers don’t give coffee breaks in time!”
Indyeah almost guffaws and then turns it into a snort.
Cunny gives them both a withering stare and then moves on.
Cunny: “Don Soliloya!”
Solilo: “Yea I’m here!”

Cunny: “Happy Mommy!”
Smitha: “I am … (ugh!)…right…(oof!) here!”
Everyone turns around to watch Smitha furiously rubbing away at the cushion of her chair.
“These days you can’t be careful with anything!!” she pants and then plops herself down on the chair satisfied that it is clean.

Cunny sighs.
Cunny: “Al-Valaathi!”
Silence…
Everyone looks up.
Cunny (impatiently): “AL-VALAATHI!!”
There is some banging and crashing, then a gust of wind from the side door as it opens, and finally vimmuuu appears through the bathroom door with a sheepish grin: “Sorry, I’m still washing out the soap from my eyes!”
Hitchy snorts and speaks aside to Kislay: “And from other parts as well, I’m sure!”
Kislay chuckles then swallows his laughter.

Manager Undakanni rolls her eyes and looks at Cunny. “Continue,” she sighs.
Hitchy leans forward and whispers to OG: “This is what happens when you let Indyeahcian adopt people. They all think they’ve become teachers. I mean, what does Undakanni think she is? Taking roll-call as if it is a classroom!”
OG nods gravely and turns around to find Manager Undakanni glaring at him with her ‘unda’ eyes… OG gulps and looks at her putting on his most innocent expression. I’ve created a monster! he thinks.

Cunny: “That’s it. Plus you and me. We are all here.”
Ash (putting on her most serious expression): “OK people. The mission has begun. As vimmuuu specified, we shall all split into different groups. Cunny, your job is to keep vigil outside our headquarters to see if any enemy is approaching. You may proceed now!”
Cunny salutes, then marches in attention to the front entrance and disappears outside it.
Ash: “Now, we need to start moving. As suggested before, we are splitting into groups and…”
Hitchy: “I protest!!”
Ash: “About what?”
Hitchy: “We need a better arrangement for the team. I am stuck with Al-Kisladin.”
At this point, Kislay gives Hitchy a dirty look.
Hitchy (hastily adds): “I mean, he would make a wonderful team member. But I’d…er… like to be on a different mission/purpose.”
OG: “We can’t have misunderstandings in the team even before we start!”
Vimmuuu (whispers to OG): “What misunderstandings? He wants to be with the girls!”
OG: “But they are all going without make-up … he is going to have a heart attack even before he begins!”

There’s a pause.
OG turns to see Smitha, Indyeah, Solilo and Ash giving him murderous looks and he realises he has spoken the comment too loudly.
OG: “I…um…er… need to go to the bathroom! Can I be excused?”
Ash: “No one’s going anywhere until the meeting is over!”
OG settles into his chair grumbling: “Stalle kalippu! These days one can’t afford to be honest!”

Ash (turning to Hitchy): “Alright! Who do you want to be paired with?”
Hitchu looks doubtful.
Ash: “OG and vimmuuu are together. They are the singing and dancing pair who shall teach and entertain at the same time. You can have your pick from Indyeah, Smitha, Solilo or Kislay wonly!”
Hitchu (frowns): “Can’t I just go by myself?”
Ash: “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Solilo: “As the ‘Don’ who heads this team, I suggest we split in pairs only. Or maybe groups of three!”
Ash: “It’s dangerous to go there alone, Hitchu!”
Vimmuuu (whispers to OG): “Dangerous for who? Him or the terrorists?!”
Hitchu snaps: “I heard that!”

Ash (hastily interfering): “Alright, alright! See I shall rework the teams! Indy shall go with Kislay to spread the importance of sensible religious sentiments. Vimmuuu and OG are the Laurel and Hardy… they take care of entertainment. Sols and Smithus will be together. Hitchu, you can tag along with them and spread out once you reach the base area where people are.”
Hitchu opens his mouth to protest but then shuts up thinking that he can be free to do his own thing once they reach the area where they have to spread out.
He shrugs: “OK… fine by me.”
The rest of the team nod in agreement.

Ash: “Alright, now since that is settled, the next thing on the agenda is our uniform!”
She gets up and starts distributing the coveralls to everyone amidst their surprises exclamations and then grumbles.
Ash: “Sorry folks, we can’t afford to be discovered!”
Hitchy: “Yea right, like otherwise we are on national television and everyone knows our faces! This is Mission Al-Shabaab, not Vimal ka Swayamvar!!!”
Indy: “Hmm… what material is this made of? Cotton? I hope animals weren’t killed to make this material. Maybe I should write a post on the cruelties to animals when they are taken for experiments.”
She pulls on her specs and starts examining it.
Smitha (trying hers on): “Perfect! These are the type Poohi cannot get stains on!”
Solilo (frowning): “Don Soliloya does not wear something as drab as this. I need something more colourful!”

Hitchy (pulling a face): “No girl in her right mind would look at me if I am wearing this horrid costume!”
Indyeah (grins and whispers to Solilo): “Why would any girl in her right mind look at him anyway?"
Vimmuuu: "Come on, be fair to him. You have to accept the fact that he is a ladies' man!"
Ash (sternly): “You are going there on a mission, my dear Al-Dhirusama… you can’t walk around as you please!”
A shout.
Ash whirls around.
OG: “I am NOT wearing that disgusting thing. Either I get to wear my lungi or I do not go on this mission.”
Ash stares at everyone exasperated. “People, please understand! This is for your own safety!”
Hitchy: “Oh yea? Let’s see YOU wearing this!”
Ash: “Me??? I…er…um… ok OG it’s a compromise! You can wear your lungi over the pants!”
OG (grinning): “Wow! That was full sketching! :P :P ”
Ash growls and OG quickly hurries to wear the overalls.
Hitchy stands in front of the mirror, examining himself in the new overalls.
Hitchy: “Mirror, mirror on the wall. Tell me who is the kookiest of them all?”
Vimmuuu (from behind him chuckling): “Who else but Undakanni for actually agreeing to lead this mission? Of course, then the rest of us, for actually setting out with this!”

All of a sudden, Crafty comes bursting into the room: “Mayday! Mayday!”
Vimmuuu looks up: “May Day? I thought this is August!”
Hitchy perks up in delight: “May Day? As in, Labour Day??? Oh goodie! We get chutti from office!”
Ash stares at both, groans and slaps her hand to her fore-head.
Cunny pauses shakes her head, then rephrases: “Emergency! Stop the presses! Hot news!”
OG (sitting up straight): “What happened?”
Crafty: “We have received news that the terrorists are holding discreet meetings in the villages with people. We need the team to spread out and mingle with the people to spread their message first, otherwise innocent villagers will be brainwashed. We can work faster and cover more area if we are workings separately that way!”

Ash: “Alright. Then this is it, people. We shall all start moving now. Cunny and I will be here. Cunny will man the headquarters and keep track of our rations. I shall remain here and be the communication point between all of you. As OG says, I shall come to the field if necessary.”

Within 10 minutes, the entire team assembles outside the headquarters.
Ash: “Good luck, members of mission Al-Shabab. May you return successful. Either you will drive the terrorists mad or you will come back and blog about your experiences and drive others mad. Either way it’s not a loss. Jai Ho!”
The team disperses…

* * *

Hours later, Ash and Cunny are at the headquarters working individually. Ash is hard at work with the radio communicator, trying to establish contact with different team members. Cunny keeps popping up with endless cups of coffee and cookies for her manager, but unbeknownst to her, she keeps disappearing in between. Ash is innocently unaware of her intentions while Cunny is going on making her own plans in between.

Cunny disappears from the room for the umpteenth time. As she gets back, Ash sighs in desperation and stares at her.
Ash (looking worried): “I don’t know what’s happening to them, Cunny! Nobody is responding to my messages. I can’t get through to their mobiles either. Of course emails and blogs are out of question since they are not carrying laptops and are forbidden to use a PC in between the mission. What do I do?”
Cunny (pretending to be innocent): “You have to wait, Manager Undakanni. Here, have another coffee. There maybe some range or signal problems. We are on hilly terrain, right?”
Ash (exasperated): “Yes but they can’t be out of reach for so long! That too, this is the first time it has ever happened! I hope somebody hasn’t tampered with these wires!”
Cunny looks up, looks down, sideways…anywhere but at Undakanni’s eyes.
Cunny: “Umm… ok let me check the antenna and the wires. I shall be right back.”
Cunny disappears, and Ash gets down on her knees to check the wires behind the radio signal operator. She starts fiddling with the wires when suddenly the phone starts to ring. She gets up with a start, nearly banging her head on the table and quickly flips it open. It’s an unknown number.

Ash: “Hello?”
Heavy breathing from the other end…
Ash (annoyed): “Hello? Is someone there?”
A voice from the other end: “Undakanni, it’s me, Al-Kisladin! Thank goodness I got through to you!”
Ash (pauses, surprised, and then relieved, recognizing his voice): “Oh good grief… there you are! Where were you??!! I was panicking like anything worrying about what happened to you guys!”
Kislay: “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. It’s all a disaster!”
Ash: “WHAT???!!!”
Kislay: “Somebody has discovered our weaknesses and working against us!”
Ash: “Huh?? What do you mean?”

Kislay: “Shortly after we set out on our mission, people started getting calls and being distracted from their trip. Initially we though it must be genuine. But when each person started disappearing from the mission, my suspicions were raised.”
Ash: “But how? What happened?”
Kislay: “It began with HappyMommy who got a call from home saying Poohi has upset ink stains all over the bedroom. She was running back tearing her hair off!”
Ash: “WHAT???”
Kislay: “That’s nothing! There came an anonymous call for Don Soliloya saying Peanut was back in Don Soliloya’s experimental lab back home and trying to dig up the gender changing time-machine. She had to rush back immediately to stop further damage!!”
Ash: “OMG! Then?”
Kislay: “Al-Valaathi got a call saying his room had been broken into and all the recordings of his songs were destroyed. He immediately took an about-turn to run for his life back home. Al-Dhirusama was planning to go explore the place once he reached base and leave Don Soliloya & Happy Mommy… he somehow chanced upon a voucher that entitled him to a free holiday with food, drinks and stay in some remote area. He’s immediately gone to check for its credibility. Indyeahcian got information that a bunch of schoolchildren who desperately need teaching lessons were in an area… she went to search for it. At that time I didn’t think anything wrong. But now that I can connect it all together, I know this is all a trap!”
Ash: “This can’t be happening! And Al-Bikhari??? What of him??”
Kislay: “The last we saw of him was disappearing inside a huge stall that has a fair going on which said: ‘Buy a lungi and get a cookery book for tomato rice and raita FREE!’. He has been missing ever since! I am the only one left and I am sure there is some kind of trap set for me also. That is why I quickly contacted you before that!”

There is stunned silence as all the information is digested.
Kislay: “And now I’m able to call you because this is an outside number. Our mobiles have all been blocked/barred! What’s going on??!”
Ash: “No wonder I wasn’t able to get through to any of you!”
Kilsay: “Something is desperately wrong here. Who knows so much about all of us enough to plan traps for us?”
Ash: “I really don’t know. Something’s fishy. What do we do?”
Kislay: “How about dropping the whole thing and getting the team back together? We need to spread the message!”
Ash: “Alright I will. I’ll send Cunny to tell everyone…”
Kislay: “No I’ve got a better idea… listen carefully. In the meantime, be careful Undakanni. You could be on the target list too!”
Ash: “OK I will…. ohhhhh noooooo….!!! OMG!!”
She drops the phone, staring at the shadow in the door-way of the room.
The phone is still on and Kislay can hear every word. He keeps shouting from the other end but to no avail.

There is a man standing there…well-dressed, polished. Ash stares. He looks familiar. Her puzzled look turns into one of absolute alarm.
Ash: “JOHN??!! What are YOU doing here?”
The man steps out of the shadows with a Cheshire grin, his charm intact. “The better to see you with, m’dear! Somebody smuggled me into Indian borders and told me where you were. AND that you were desperately waiting to meet me… I thought we could carry on from where we left off. Although m’dear… this dress doesn’t really suit you… that white sweater of yours that day was classic. No matter … when we get married…”

John goes on and on and Ash stares in panic: “OMG! This is like my worst night mare come alive! Haaaalp!”
John advances with a wide toothy grin: “C’mon dahling, let me sing for you a bit.”
Ash: “Cunnyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where are youuuuuuuu????”
No response.
Ash takes one panicky look at the man before her and then runs out of the room at rocket pace, shrieking her head off. John takes off after her.

There is silence in the headquarters. The wind starts to blow hard.
When the coast is clear five minutes later, Cunny steps up from the shadows with an evil grin “Buahahah!”
She proceeds to ring up DB.
* Sinister background music starts to play *
Cunny: “Plan in operation, boss. Nobody suspects a thing. They have all been scattered across different places. And I’ve played on their weakness! Each one has been called off the mission separately.”
DB: “Excellent! And what about the manager girl?”
Cunny (guffawing): “Oh that was brilliant! You should’ve seen the expression on her face… priceless! Running out of the room as if a hundred dogs were chasing her! I’ve sent that old guy who has a crush on her, on her tail… he thinks he’s a British version of Prem Chopra!!”

DB: “Alright, alright. Good work, Cunny! Once the team members are weak, we can arrange for their assassination.”
Cunny (pauses, surprised): “Ass-ass—what??”
DB (snaps): “What are you doing, calling me an ass? I said we are gonna kill them!”
Cunny (confused): “I was under the impression that you just wanted to get rid of these loonies from this mission for vested interests. You didn’t tell me anything about murder! Why do you want them dead? They’re harmless… hmm ok they aren’t… but you get my drift.”
DB (sharply): “Cut the crap, Cunny. And get back here on the double. We’ll tell MMS (that’s Manmohan Singh, our dear PM… for those who came in late) that these folks died in their mission… and make them martyrs. Got it? Don’t ask too many questions! Now get your ass back here! Move it!”
Silence…
DB: “Cunny? Hello?”
DB doesn’t realise Cunny isn’t one to take orders like that lightly. When Cunny demands explanations, she gets them, no matter what.

DB (exasperated): “Cunny, you HAVE to understand. I have contacts with people who do not wish to see this mission through, and they are important to me. I HAVE to terminate all those associated with this mission. No one should be alive once it’s over. I can’t risk any of this information leaking out!”
Heavy breathing…
In an instant, the truth slams into her. She realises the trap DB has in store for her and has accidentally revealed in his talk. The words were echoing in the air:
No one should be alive once it’s over.
No one should be alive once it’s over.

But I am also part of this mission now! Does that include me? Cunny thought in panic, her brain working rapidly, placing one fact before the other. Slowly the truth dawns on her.
DB: “Cunny, are you there?!”
Cunny (slowly): “Yes I’m here. I’m coming.”
DB: “Good. I expect you back here by tomorrow at the latest.”
They hang up.

A determined look comes over Cunny’s face.
Background music of ‘Mission Impossible’ starts to play!
She stares at the phone and begins her monologue: “Hah! What did you think – that I’m a mere puppet who will obey your stupidities, Mr DB – Dumb Bozo? I’m the only one who knows where exactly these people are. You think you can get rid of Blog Samaj so easy?? You got it wrong, buster! What did you think we are – rabbits waiting to be shot dead?? Wait till you know what plan WE have set up for traitors like you!!”

* * * INTERMISSION POINT ***

Cunny knows she has to take the story forward now… it’s all in her hands! Over to you Crafty mah gal! :D

A friend in need...

2009-08-01T00:54:00.009+05:30

Warning: Senti (and LONG) post coming up!
This is a dedication to all my friends – seen and unseen, old and new, close and ..er…not-so-close...
(Yes I am aware it will sound more like a thank-you ~~speech~~ post after winning the Oscars…. But hey, bear with me guys n gals! )

Ajit: Everyone has a story to tell…
Me: So true… that’s why everyone is unique

Part of a normal chat conversation on gtalk. But it serves as the perfect beginning to this post. And it is so true.

When you spend majority of your life hopping between two homes and adjusting between more than person/family, friends become the silent anchors in your life, understanding you better than your family ever would. No wonder it is said: “friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” Truly so :-)

You won’t believe this… I have been planning this post for 4 months now!! I guess that in itself shows how important my friends are to me. And I am glad to say this list has gotten only longer over time! As I mentioned in my last ~~tag~~ post… friends are my ~~surrogate~~ family...

My friends mean the world to me and I wouldn’t be what I am without them. I am not an expressive person by nature… all my concern/love/care is shown through my actions than words. But once I begin to express, the floodgates just open (read: run for your lives!)
But anyway, I thought: let me let my friends know… atleast to a little extent … what they mean to me…
Not that their relationship to me can be comprised in a few sentences. But this is just my attempt to..er… ok don’t let me destroy it by describing further! :P OK enough intro already. Here goes:

Note: The list does not in any way represent particular priority or depth of friendship. It just shows the order in which I met (or got to know better) these people in my life.

So here’s my friendship’s day post.
Dedicated to:

Praseeda – for proving that childhood friendships can last much much longer than what we presume
Jayalekshmi – for being my best friend for a lifetime
Shia – for being my joking buddy initially and later going on to discover we have far more in common than our giggling sessions
Nasha – for being a close friend in spite of our vastly different natures, and yet sharing the same zodiac sign at two ends!
Unni – for proving that friendship can exist across the distance of thousands of miles and time-frame of several years without ever meeting in person
Sunil – for coming into my life for a reason and being there for me during my difficult times with a lot of tolerance
Anish – for teaching me that friendships can make or break solely according to one’s equation with the other person (and not necessarily time or distance)
Manu – for being my brother cum best friend cum partner-in-crime cum God knows what else! And for teaching me that love can exist in spite of you trying my patience umpteen number of times! :D
Jolene – for spilling over with enthusiasm for my writing irrespective of how much crap it may contain lol. Always love reading your comments!
Namrata – for proving that two sarcastic tongues are better than one, and that marriage doesn’t necessarily have to change friendship one bit :-D
Neha - for just being there and being you…!
Pushpesh, Kanika and Anu Kurien – for making me realise that age difference is just a number when it comes to true friendships
Hina-Saba – for showing that sometimes friends of friends can turn into my own close friends too
Sahir – for being my colleague cum junior cum senior in business. Now don’t ask me how – long story!
Pavitra – for proving that, as you once said yourself, friendships sometimes happen without rhyme or reason
Nidhi – for easily juggling the roles of my best friend and cousin with amazing alacrity … stay the same, sweetheart…always! I seriously need to learn the art of resilience from you
C N Aravind – Where do I begin?
For reassuring my faith in good men…
For making me understand that complete opposites can strike up a fast friendship and actually make it last…
For proving that sometimes when you want to finally collapse, God sends someone to make sure you don’t! :-)
If I have been or can be there for you atleast even half as much as you have been there for me, I will consider myself blessed. The word ‘thank you’ isn’t enough…honestly.

(Drum-roll) Blog samaj beings :D (the below pic is apt, ain't it?)

Vimal – for making me realise that reflections do exist in life (much to my delight and surprise… which means I am not the only one abnormal!! :D) … and for sharing the same ammavan! LOL
And much more importantly, for being the reason my blog exists… although you probably don’t even know it yet! And the best part is, you were just being your usual mad self :-) (Yes, yes, you ARE the devil who made me start blogging… now go beat your head on a wall !! :D ) hehehe!!

Ajit/OG – for helping me recognize the fact that the world is a small place after all – guess which “celebrity” we both know! LOL ;-)
It was a surprise – albeit a pleasant one – to run into someone who is far more similar to me than I thought he would be! I hope you find Ms Z soon :P Until then (and also after that), keep that sense of humour rocking as always, dude! :-D And remember, you are not just OG but always EOG! :-)

Qi – for being my partner in …not crime but 55-ers ;-) You know what I mean!

Dhiren – for supplying me minute by minute updates on which blog the action (stupid funny comments and dancing) are taking place! LOL and for introducing me to gravatar!! :P you keep reminding me to be in touch with my mother tongue… thanks to all the translations that you require from time to time!! :D

Indyeah – for actually agreeing to adopt me :D Are you sure you need a lunatic around the house (and blog)? I’ll give you time to rethink! LOL. Jokes apart, for actually being the first to inform me of blogadda.com selecting my post for their Saturday-Spicy-Picks! Yay! :D
P.S: Happy birthday, sweetie! Have an awesome day and a wonderful year ahead!

Solilo – Nothing like knowing a true ‘Don’!! ;-)

Smitha – for being my UK connection! We could go on and on about Chennai-Dosa! Rite? :D All those tips on washing stains out also help!

Smita – for just being the Capricornian you are! :D

Nautankey – for your nautankey – on-stage, that is :D and your love for food and reviews!

Aniruddha – a tribute to having completely different wavelengths and the journey to being on the same one… and for the repetition of each joke/punchline for the benefit of each other!! Cheers, dude! :D Also more importantly, you are someone sent to remind me to pursue my interests/hobbies no matter what... and to keep my spirit positive inspite of any setback. God bless! :-)

Kajal – for a blogger-friend who disappeared temporarily, only to find her way back… where her heart really belonged. Welcome back!

Crafty – last but definitely nowhere near the least :D for being an absolute darling … and walking away effortlessly with the “best comment” award from me each time!!!

Also two special mentions:
Winnie the poohi - for equating my blog’s addictive nature with OG’s and Dhiren’s… wow! talk about ego boost! :D

anishthomas – for comparing me with Uday Chopra’s character in Dhoom… that requires an award in itself! :P hahah!

All my other blog friends whom I’ve been lucky enough to know after starting my blog (sorry - putting it all together coz my creativity ran out after thinking of reasons for each LOL! ) Amal Bose, Amit, Anil Sawan, Arv, Badz, Chiranjib, Chris, Destination Infinity, Kanagu, Kokonad, Mathew, praveen, oorjas, swaram (phew!!!) and a host of others –

For those whom I missed out or did not mention specifically in this post, I am still thinking of captions * sheepish grin *. I’m truly glad I met you in the blog-osphere, and I hope by the next friendship’s day I know you well enough/better to mention you individually.

Thank you for tolerating me and my writing! Love to hear your feedback, suggestions, sarcasm, insults, everything… which is what keeps me (and this blog) going. Keep the bouquets and brickbats coming, guys n gals! Luv ya! :-)

(You can proceed to the comments section if you are still alive after reading all that :D )

P.S.: pics are all taken off Google

The alphabet tag

2009-07-23T11:14:00.005+05:30

Chiranjib tagged me for this one. And for a change, a tag that doesn't seem too dragging. These are the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share the ABCs of you.
4. Tag 3 people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let the 3 tagged people know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Do not tag the same person repeatedly but try to tag different people, so that there is a big network of bloggers doing this tag!

ABCs of my life:

1. A – Available/Single?
Ans: Oh yes! Single and ready to mingle :P

2. B – Best friend?
Ans: Fortunately have quite a few… can’t live without any of ‘em…they are my ~~surrogate~~ family

3. C – Cake or Pie?
Ans: Both!

4. D – Drink of choice?
Ans: Hmm… mojito

5. E – Essential item you use every day?
Ans: That would be my lip balm. Device-wise, my mobile and laptop. Sorry couldn’t write just any one.

6. F – Favourite colour?
Ans: Blue

7. G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?
Ans: Uh…neither!

8. H – Hometown?
Ans: Trivandrum, Kerala

9. I – Indulgence?
Ans: For now, blogging. An occasional chocolate wouldn’t hurt either.

10. J – January or February?
Ans: February – I started my blog this month! :-)

11. K – Kids & their names?
Ans: Are you kidding me?! :P Next question please!

12. L – Life is incomplete without?
Ans: …lovely near and dear ones to share it with

13. M – Marriage date?
Ans: * me runs for my life *

14. N – Number of siblings?
Ans: Two step-siblings.

15. O – Oranges or Apples?
Ans: Neither…

16. P – Phobias/Fears?
Ans: Of being betrayed by someone I trust… and believe me, this has happened far more than I’d like to remember

17. Q – Quote for today?
Ans: "Dreams are not the ones you see when you go to sleep, they are the ones that keep you awake until you achieve them..."

18. R – Reason to smile?
Ans: Anything that reminds me the positive side of a bad situation

19. S – Season?
Ans: Spring… nice, bright, sunny, pleasant, fresh. Sigh…

20. T – Tag ~~three~~ four People? (adding one more person to it - hey atleast I'm not shirking responsibility, just adding to it :D )
Ans: Given at the end of the tag

21. U – Unknown fact about me?
Ans: I am a very emotional person. But I am terrible at expressing it. So people who don’t know me well assume my life is all about laughter or seriousness … everything except emotions.

22. V – Vegetable you don't like?
Ans: Spinach… yuck!

23. W – Worst habit?
Ans: Internalising stress, and then exploding at bursting point. If you’re unfortunate enough to be in my way then, RUN! Kaboom! LOL :P

24. X – X-rays you've had?
Ans: Majority for the teeth… have worn braces twice in my life. Have taken a couple of chest x-rays too… and discovered I have a slightly curved (S shaped) spine. Fancy that!

25. Y – Your favourite food?
Ans: This is the worst question you can ask a foodie. I can start a whole new ~~post~~ BLOG on it!

26. Z – Zodiac sign?
Ans: Cusp of Pisces and Aries

OK this is the first time I'm tagging people. In my last two tags, I left them open-ended so that only those who want, needed to do it. This time I am being more specific.

Vimmuuu
Kokonad
Smitha
(edited to add) Indyeah

And I am eagerly looking forward to see their creative answers :D

Visa Power !

2009-07-16T10:47:00.006+05:30

Note: Long post alert! Sorry for the long delay between my previous post and this one! This was what was occupying my attention… read on and you will find out.
No part of this post is meant to offend any person or country; it is all meant in good pure humour. If you can’t understand that, then don’t read it! :P

Man, the amount of patience it takes to get a visa these days. Anyone who has applied for a European visa – particularly UK one – knows how tough the going gets. Writing down that form of 21 pages (yes, believe it or not) is in itself a task.

I miss those days when things were more black and white than grey. For example, when I was a kid, there were only two categories for status. It was either Single or Married. But now? Perusing through the form, I came across a mind-boggling number of options.

• Single
• Married/Civil Partner
• Unmarried Partner
• Divorced/Dissolved Partnership
• Widowed/ Surviving Civil Partner
• Separated

I kept on looking, expecting the likes of something more like:
• Live-in relationship
• Open-relationship
• Committed

Did they take a leaf out of orkut or facebook?? Just reading that form made me want to put off the task of committing myself to anyone. Man, what a range of options!!
Tell me something – I’m curious! Supposing I was bi-sexual with more than one partner of either sex, where would I categorise myself? :P Create a new, separate category perhaps?

Anybody who has read through that form will also have come across a wonderful page that actually is dedicated to nefarious activities. (I’m not sure of the application process for American visa; I’ve heard it’s terribly difficult too but can’t comment coz I’ve never been a direct victim!)

That page goes something along these lines:

Do you have any criminal convictions in any country?
Have you ever been charged in any country with a criminal offence for which you have not yet been tried in court?
Fair enough… they need to know if you have a criminal record. I can understand that. But the next set of questions?

Have you ever, by any means or medium, expressed views that justify or glorify terrorist violence or that may encourage others to terrorist acts or other serious criminal acts?
If I’m, say, a criminal lawyer, I may have defended criminal acts and let them get away scot-free, be it for however small or big crime. Does that make me ineligible to get a UK visa?

Have you engaged in any other activities that may indicate that you may not be considered a person of good character?
Hmm… let me think. OK this one entirely depends on perspective!! :D

You get the drift. Pardon me for asking, but excuse me what IS this??? The first time I saw this page I stared at it long enough for my eyes to fall out in the process. I thought it came there by mistake. Surely they can’t be serious about this! Apparently they were and still are. Although the purpose behind it is quite lost on me. I don’t know the last time a terrorist applied for visa and actually admitted that yes he is planning to blow sky-high the Buckingham Palace! :P

Not to mention the waiting time and the number of checks it takes to get your application through.

It took more than a month and a half to gather all the documents required. I can understand the usual stuff like identity proof, proof my having studied in the UK and all that. They also required financial support proof… since my dad has a hand in that, all his documents including his IT returns, salary statements etc. were required. The worst was with the bank statements. Apparently, apart from a letter from the bank confirming my account with them the UK Commission also needed 15 MONTHS of bank statements to confirm my bank balance. Huh??? Whoever keeps track record of all that? Oof!
Besides all this, also required was a signed affidavit from my dad who would confirm that he was willing to support me financially, since he and I have a joint a/c in the bank.
Well, what were they thinking? That I blackmailed my dad at gun point to get the bank statements and ran off with them to the High Commisson? Yeesh!

Now after finally collecting all that paraphernalia, I finally arrived at the VFS (Visa Facilitation Service) Centre. I had talked previously with the security guards there who told me to arrive by 6.30am so that I would be at the beginning of the queue by the time the VFS opened at 8am. Not even Mother Earth can wake me up at the unearthly hour of 6.30am. So I pooh-poohed the idea, and finally reached by 7.10am. Yeehaw! I was first in line! There was no one around!

And then began the wait in the line until 8am. At 7.55am, we were let inside one by one.
Guard 1: Madam, aap ke saath koi electronic item hai?
Me: Nothing other than the mobile phone
Guard 2: Usko aap zaroor switch off kijiye. Aur kuch hain? Jaise ki pen drive, walkman, iPod…?
Me: Haan, pen drive hain hand bag mein...
Guard 1: Toh phir aap please idhar side mein khadi ho jayiye. Aap ko is locker mein usko deposit karna hoga! Token number diya jayega!

Grumbling to myself, I stood to the side and let them do their thing. There goes my place in the queue thanks to having one stupid pen drive in my bag. I mean, what did they think I would do with it? Brandish it like a pen knife and attack someone?

After depositing in my locker and collecting my token, I went inside. By then 3-4 people had already gone in ahead of me. Finally my number was called and I presented my documents to the girl at the counter. Everything went fine until the girl came to see the affidavit.

Girl rep: You have got here an affidavit from your father only?
Me: Yes.
Duh! Can’t you SEE, woman?!
Girl: But it says here you have a joint bank account with your dad and grandmother. Where is the letter from her?
Me: My grandmother is 90 years old. She lives with us. The account is primarily my dad’s… he has just added my grandmother’s name to it for namesake.
Girl: Maybe. But we need a letter from her also, all the same. The High Commission requires letter from everyone and anyone who is part of that bank a/c.
Me (staring at her in dismay): But my grandmother has gone to Kerala on vacation to stay with my aunt! I need to submit my visa application today!
Girl: Sorry! (looking anything but)
Aaarrgh! You stupid woman! My grandmother is NOT here! What do you think I should do… make an affidavit today itself, get it attested, fly my grandma back in a helicopter in time to sign it and submit the application before 5pm today??? Jeez!

The girl was beginning to look slightly alarmed with the myriad of emotions flitting across my face.
Girl: I can take in your application without the letter of course. But I was just stating the possibility…
Me: That won’t be necessary.
I took a deep breath, gave her a tight smile and went outside with my application.

Now don’t ask me to recite how I managed to handle that…it will run into another post. I managed, and was able to submit my application soon after.
I was being extra careful though. I was told it would take upto 15 working days for my passport to reach back. I added another extra week, just to be sure, and sent in my passport on 5th June, with my departure date set tentatively for 28th June. I had sent a tentative booking for my stay there as from 28 June to 6 July. I was expected to receive the passport by (upper limit) 26 June. I sat twiddling my thumbs.

28 June came and went. No sign of passport. Time to worry! Where was the damned thing? I sent emails after emails asking about the status of my passport. No response. Apparently the risk of security lapse did not permit them to report anything on the passport once it was delivered to the High Commission. Grrr…growl! So what was I supposed to do until then? Chew my nails down to the knuckle perhaps?

The next week moved in agonising slow motion. I had hopes till 6 July. Departure date was already past. The dates meant for initial stay in UK were also passing by, but there was still time. Everyday slowly waltzed passed me. Towards the end of the week, I had given up all hope. OG and vimmuuu became my guidance counsellors telling me to calm down, but to no avail. I hate leaving loopholes… and this was one loophole I hadn’t overseen – delay from THEIR side!

And then out of the blue, I got an automated sms on July 2nd telling me to come and collect my passport from the VFS. I called them up to find out the status, only to be informed that it was a normal message sent irrespective of rejection or approval of the visa. Wow! Now that’s helpful alright!
By the next evening, I had reached the VFS centre, looking like a zombie. My token number was the 7th, with 6 people before, all moving seemingly in slow motion. I couldn’t have been more tense if I had been a guy and my wife had been taken to the labour room!!! Sheesh! :P This was even worse than waiting for a baby!

By then I had convinced myself to think of new plans to do if it had been rejected. Finally my turn came and I presented my token. The guy at the counter smiled and gave me back a huge packet… apparently containing all the documents I had used to apply with, including my bank statements, university documents and whatnot.
They rejected everything!!! I thought in panic.
I gave the guy a dirty look. He looked at me puzzled. Then I realised he wasn’t really to blame and passed him a feeble smile. Now it was his turn to give me a dirty look and quickly focused his attention on the next person.

Great! Everyone hates me! I sighed.
I couldn’t stand the suspense anymore. I placed the packet on a nearby table, tore it open gingerly and took out the passport with shaky hands, expecting a “REJECTED” stamp seal on it. The rest seemed to happen in slow motion. My fingers turned the page, incidentally landing on the page of the visa. I stared into the face of my 2 year UK work permit smiling at me.
I blinked twice.
And stared
And stared some more.
And then let out a whoop of joy, forgetting my surroundings!! An old lady walking into the room gave a yelp of fear and jumped away from me as if I were a mad dog. I flushed and looked around the room, only to realise everyone giving me amused glances. I picked my packet and ran (read: hopped, skipped and jumped) out of there as fast as I could. Yeehaw! :-D

I repeat: In vimmuuu’s words: danganaaka dandanaaka! Or dhiren’s words: dhinchak dhinchak! LOL

Lesson learnt? Whatever will be, will be. Worrying about it or not, doesn’t really make a difference in the outcome except killing one’s own peace of mind :P

P.S.: What’s that? When do I leave??
Now that’s a different story altogether! Not immediately anyway. Will definitely let you know though! :-)

P.P.S: The above pictures in the post are all taken off Google

Recognition.... wooooohoooo!!! :D

2009-06-29T13:45:00.007+05:30

Recognition at its best!

My post 'my very first marriage proposal from UK' got selected by blogadda.com in their Spicy-Saturday-Picks!!
In dhiren's words: dhinchak dhinchak.... or better yet, vimmuuu's style: danganaaka danganaaka!!!

Wow... looks like we're all on a roll here.. smita, vimmuuu, dhiren, indyeah's interview and now me!!
Many thanks to indyeah for notifying me of the same :-) You were the first!!

Dancing a little victory dance!!! :D Now who wants to join me???

Mission? Impossible!

2009-06-23T21:47:00.003+05:30

I think UK is directly connected to my bad luck with men. And yes, I’m writing this series to give hope to men who always feel they’re the only ones who strike out with the opposite gender (with humourous consequences) and seem to keep on trying without getting required results.
OG and vimmuuu, my dear komalikkal cousins, this one’s for you two as well :D I’m sure you’ll understand the sentiment behind it LOL

The first incident happened 2 years back while I was in the UK.
We used to stay in a co-ed hostel (yes you read it right … don’t go over it again LOL). There, it is called a hall of residence and both men and women occupy adjacent rooms – which makes things convenient, but well... those who are fated for bad luck won’t have anything interesting happening even in such circumstances. Let me explain.

I lived on the second floor of the hall of residence. A cute young American lived three doors away from mine. It was crush at first sight.

The first time I met him was straight out of the movies. I was sitting in the kitchen munching breakfast of cornflakes muttering to myself when things would get a little interesting… when all of a sudden the door opened and this guy was standing there.
I jumped in fright and stared at him, like he was a vision from nowhere.
“Hi!” he moved in straight with his hand extended, “I just moved into the new room down the hall. I didn’t see anybody around so just decided to check out the kitchen and here you are!”
I was grinning at him stupidly… and going on shaking his hand…thinking:
Wow! Somebody up there loves me! Thank you, God!

That was the beginning. Our friendship grew over time. He was surprisingly knowledgeable about Indian culture. He loved Indian food, which he claimed his mom makes at home.
Whenever we friends used to cook, we used to invite him over as well. Over time when we began to settle into different timings for cooking and eating, I made it a point to invite him for a bite if he was around. More power to me! :D
And I made sure I gave him the recipes that turned out well… can’t ruin his impression, you see. He thinks I’m this fantastic cook… even if all I make is curd-rice!

OK once it happened that I made pulao. I had just taken it onto a plate when he barged into the kitchen.
“Something smells goooood!” he said, sniffing the air.
I smiled. That was his trademark statement.
“I just made some pulao. Why don’t you grab a plate and I’ll give you some?” barely had I asked than he swooped down on his plate and stood in front of me with an obliging grin.

I gave him a generous helping, my heart melting at this tender sight.
“Yum! You cook so well!” he said spooning the first few bits off his plate.
I glowed.
“This is *chomp chomp* so good that *much munch*…”
My hopes soared up so high…
“…that I want to live in a mansion ...”
Sigh…
“with my girlfriend…”
*pop* burst the bubble… what did he just say??
“and have you as cook!”
Great greedy frigging hell-bones! WHAT????
He gave me a comradely grin and gulped down the entire contents of the plate.

I blinked twice and took a minute to take it all in. That was when I realised he meant it as a compliment. He was staring at me expectantly waiting for me to respond.
I couldn’t help but bring out my sarcastic tone… “Wow! I pass out of my Masters and get employed in your place as a cook! That sounds great.”
Apparently he entirely missed the point. “Of course… you won’t run out of options for employment either!” he grinned and winked as if sharing a private joke with me.
What was WRONG with this idiot? Was he a moron from birth?

I fell silent for far too long. That was when he paused. “Is everything ok?”
I snapped out of my trance and gave a tight smile, “Sure. Yup. All is good.”
“Great! Then can I have one more helping?”
GRRRR!!
My boiling over could have put Mt. Fujiyama to shame! I was ready to explode… kaboom! I didn’t know if I would have more fun dumping the remaining food over his head or thrusting it down his throat and choking him…

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The second incident happened while I was working in Delhi more than four years back. It was my first day of work there as an intern. At the end of a boring day, I was sitting lonesome at my computer when I felt someone’s eyes on me. I stared up into the most heartbreaking eyes I had ever seen. Tall, dark… ok fair, and handsome… with wavy brownish hair. He was staring at me intently and I quickly looked down as if I hadn’t noticed. But I knew he had seen me too.

Was this love at first sight? Where a bolt of lightning strikes you and you know he is THE ONE? I toyed the idea around in my head. And then we run towards each other in slow motion… just like in the movies?? Before I could could get carried away by my imagination running riot and forming conclusions, he came straight towards to me. Out of the corner of my eye I had seen him distributing sweets to everyone. Finally it was my turn.

He smiled and extended the sweet box. I shyly took a piece and looked up at him batting my eyelids demurely (in total filmy style). He said, “I was wondering who the new entrant in the team is. Didn’t see you yesterday till I left.”
I smiled back, “I just joined today.”
“Cool. So how is your first day of work?”
“Not bad I guess. The journey has just begun. By the way what are the sweets for? What’s the occasion?”
“Oh this? You didn’t know?” he grinned and ran a hand through his hair…
I fluttered my eyelashes some more at him and waited for the answer…
“It’s my marriage next month.”
It’s his WHAT?? Come again?! Yech! There goes my first day of work into the dumps!
It would have been better for him to just grab a …er… cookie cutter and stab into my heart.
I felt an unnatural smile freeze on my lips. I must have looked sugar-high to him! “Really? I didn’t know! That’s so great…congrats!” my voice sounded too shrill even for my ears and he stared at me like I had sprouted two heads. Still grinning unnaturally at him, I didn’t realise I had taken two ladoos together from the box… and proceeded to stuff them into my mouth at one go. Nearly choking on them, I stopped myself just in time. I quickly recovered and demurely went back to being the nice new intern… and kept the ladoos on a tissue on my desk. Too late! Mr Almost-There-But-Never-Became-My-Hero was slowly backing away from me like he had seen Godzilla.

Sigh…
‘Tis during these occasions that all I can is to but ask: Why me, Lord??? Why just me?

My very first marriage proposal from the UK

2009-06-14T23:05:00.006+05:30

For those of you who are wondering…no, this isn’t Matrimonial mish-mashes Part II ! That’s coming up later. This is just an individual episode in itself.

My very first marriage proposal… on bent knees! Really! *Sniff sniff* I should be touched. But well…was I?

It happened in late 2007 when I was in London for higher studies. My friends and I went out for dinner at a restaurant. The weather was lovely, the mood was merry and we were looking forward to a fun night out. I had recently purchased a beautiful white sweater and worn it that night (winter was just starting to rear its head).

Sitting at a restaurant close to our campus, we were a group of 4. A couple of our friends were supposed to join us later during the night.

We ordered drinks and an initial round of starters. The night had begun. Somewhere during the course of the night in between talking and laughing, I paused, sensing someone standing near me. I turned to see a rather distinguished looking old man of no less than 60-65 years standing diagonal to my side, slightly bending down as if to talk to me. I realised he was telling me something and I hadn’t heard.
“Sorry?” I said with a pleasant smile.
“What is your name?” he asked
I paused, confused. “What is this regarding?”
Another pause.

Then the answer. Straight out. No bars hold.
In a completely matter-of-fact, earnest voice:
“I want to marry you.”

Holy mother of God! WHAT???? My jaw dropped about ten notches and I stared at him in horror.
[At that time Aashiq’s incident hadn’t happened yet. Otherwise I would have wondered what it is with me and the ability to attract guys from every generation except my own! Sheesh!!]

There was a stunned silence at the table for 2 seconds. “I…er…um…” I stuttered struggling to find the right words and looked at my friends desperately for help. That was when I saw my friends had collapsed over each other and fallen over the table howling with laughter. I turned a deep shade of beetroot red and kept opening and shutting my mouth like a goldfish for another 2 minutes, not knowing what else to do.

I nudged and poked my friend PK sitting next to me, as hard as I could. She was nearly choking on laughter by then. Then PK pulled herself together. “OK is this a prank?” she asked with a gleeful grin on her face. The little twerp was enjoying it!
He stared back at her incredulously, “Of course not! I’m serious!”
I swear my heart stopped beating. I had begun to get a vivid vision of old white men arriving on galloping horseback wearing Indian bridegroom’s clothes! Yikes!!!

My other friend AL suddenly decided to be gracious: “OK then why don’t you join us? Pull a chair over!”
My eyes nearly fell from their sockets. What was WRONG with her??!
His eyes lit up as if he had hit the jackpot! He obliged dutifully. As if he had been waiting for an opportunity, he neatly pulled over the nearest chair and dumped it right next to my seat.
As he settled into the chair, he gave me an exceptionally warm grin. Was it me or did he say: “Gotcha!”

AL chewed on a piece of French fry and asked him conversationally, “So what do you?”
What was she trying to be, my mother?? And enquire about the “boy’s” background perhaps? I was livid and mortified by then.

“My name’s John. I work with the fire-force,” he said matter-of-factly. No wonder I could hear the alarm bells ringing (pun intended)!
“Ash, you need to seriously consider him. He’s a brave fire-fighter!” AL recommended, trying hard to keep a straight face. I glared daggers at her. If looks could kill, she’d have been six feet under already!
“Well I WAS one. I lost my job recently. They promoted someone else rather than me, and there were some disagreements from my side. Finally I quit,” he said soberly.

“Oh…” PK tsk-tsked, “So do you have a family back home or…?”
“My wife died 5 years back. I have 3 children settled in different parts of the world. Well, three children that I know of!” he winked at me.
My friends screeched with laughter as if it were the funniest thing they ever heard. I gave everyone looks that could kill… but in vain. Nobody was paying scant attention to me by then.
He had become a star within 5 minutes!

Great, so I get a proposal from an unemployed, jobless widower who picks up women from pubs and doesn’t even know how many children he has. Wow, am I thrilled!
“Ha-ha…!” I tried to laugh miserably, then trailed off realising I was way past the point of joining in.
I wondered why I looked so special that night to attract him. Was it the white sweater? I swore to myself to burn the damn thing once I got back home!!

“So what would you do in the meantime?” AL’s boyfriend AV who had been silently chuckling till then, decided to join in the conversation.
John suddenly turned shy.
“Well I do sing a bit y’know… was planning to take it up more seriously,” he said modestly.
“Wow! Please please do sing for us!” AL fawned over him.
I smirked. This ought to be good. He’ll embarrass himself and we can throw him out, I decided.
“Yes yes please do,” PK added.

John looked delighted to be given a chance. He cleared his throat.
I decided to look the other way to give the poor guy some leverage.
He opened his mouth and closed his eyes. I tried to hide another smirk.
And then from his mouth came a combination of Mozart and Beethoven in a voice that can be described as nothing less than exquisite and sensational.
My friends and I stared at one another in shock, wide-eyed. Silence befell the restaurant and everyone turned around to look at him. He was unmindful of the effect he had on his environment and went on singing passionately. I felt myself melting…
Oh. My. Goodness. Where was he hiding this voice all along?
The soothing yet powerful voice seemed to float all over the restaurant and we were staring at him mesmerised. His voice hit the key notes just right, flowed higher with the music and then plunged down to a slow rhythm until he finally came down to the last part. He finished with a flourish and trailed off softly…

There was silence for a minute. Then all of a sudden, there was applause. People all over the restaurant had begun to clap and we ourselves started to. I forgot everything that happened before that and started clapping enthusiastically.
John looked startled as he opened his eyes. I think he forgot he had been in a restaurant all along. Wow! Talk about talent! And this was way before Susan Boyle happened LOL!

He turned a shade of red…looked around and mouthed thank-you to everyone. Then he looked at me. I grinned at him and said, all the while clapping, “Bravo! That was awesome!”
“So … will you marry me?” he asked hopefully.
My smile faded and I stopped clapping. Yeesh!

PK was giggling by now. “Looks like he’s hell-bent on his mission, Ash,” she whispered conspirationally to me. But by then I had started to relax though. The ice had been broken. The funny side of the situation had started to hit me.

He pulled his chair closer to mine.
“I can sing for you,” he blinked at me trying to look earnest.
Without waiting for an answer, he started off on another song, but this time in a soft voice so that only I could hear. PK and AL were shooting each other wireless messages through their eyes while AV looked amused.
OK this guy was a charmer alright. I’ll give you that. A slow smile spread across my face. Here goes 15 minutes of fun then!

John broke off mid-song and declared, “There’s a dance happening next week and I want to take you for that.”
AL and PK were by then rooting for him. “Ash, you should go with him!” AL said enthusiastically. I glared at her.

Just at that precise moment, two of our other friends who were supposed to join us, finally turned up... GG and his girlfriend MP.
John was starting off into the remaining part of his song when his glance fell on the two new friends who joined us at the table. His gaze went from GG to MP… and then lingered there, refusing to budge.
My gaze darted between John and MP for about 5 times in a row before I cleared my throat knowingly and stared at John: “A-hem!”

That was when he leaned across towards me, his eyes still on MP and whispered to me, “I want to marry her!”
HUH????
My balloon deflated with a ‘pop’. I stared at him as if I hadn’t heard right. He HAD to go and spoil everything! Just when I was starting to enjoy his company! Men and their roving eye! Sigh… just not worth it!
There was silence for a minute before my sarcastic reply came out: “Too bad. She’s already committed!”

John looked disappointed. But he quickly recovered. “But I still want to marry you!” he said to me.
Oh my goodness! He sure was changeable!

But by then I had discovered my loophole and pounced on it like my lifeline.
“How dare you!” I said in mock outrage, trying hard not to laugh, “Five minutes with me and you are already thinking of marrying someone else! I’m…er…devastated!”
John stuttered like a kid caught with his hand in the candy jar, not sure what to reply: “Uh… but she’s committed! I can’t marry her anymore!”
Jesus! This guy was DENSE, alright!
Me: “Which means you’d have gone after her if she wasn’t, right?”
John: “But she IS, which means I can’t... right?!”
By now a giggle escaped my throat. This was too much.

PK was clutching her stomach and laughing at the silliness of it. AL and AV were shooting amused grins at this conversation exchanged. GG and MP were looking at all of us bewildered… I daresay they must have thought I was really getting hitched to him! *Shudder*

John tried in vain for nearly another 15 minutes to persuade me to see his viewpoint but I remained stubborn. Finally he admitted defeat and withdrew.
Then he said his goobyes to us. But his parting present was part of what made his encounter with us most memorable. Two minutes after he left, the waiter came over with another round of drinks.
AV (looking confused): “But we didn’t order them!”
Waiter: “I know. The old guy there paid for it. He asked us to give you guys another round of whatever you were having!”

We whirled around and stared at John who was standing nearby grinning at us “Adios, folks! Thanks for the lovely evening!” he bowed with a flourish.
We began to protest and refuse, but he overruled the arguments in a flash, “No, no. You HAVE to accept. Thanks for giving me company all this while. I had a wonderful time!”
With that, he walked off. We stared at his receding figure and looked at each other bemused. Talk about unforgettable experiences! A memorable evening out alright!

I later narrated it to my parents over Skype. I do admit they were amused. But… did I imagine it or did I see flashes of panic run through their eyes as they glanced at each other? I can bet my life that they were thinking: if this is what our daughter gets as the first proposal, then what about the rest???

Sigh… there goes my market value in the matrimonial market :-/

The things you have to endure these days!

.

The 'Switcheroo' tag

2009-06-08T00:08:00.013+05:30

Note: With due apologies to Solilo, Peanut, Dhiren, and Ajit for using your names in my blog... it is only to continue this story forward...no offence meant. No apologies to vimmuuu though, coz it’s because of him I’m doing the tag anyway. My turn for revenge. Buahahaha!

I've put up this post as a continuation where vimmmu’s post ends...

I come running into the experimental lab.
Me (puffing and panting): “I came over as soon as I got the SOS message. What the hell is going on? Where are you vimmuuu?”
Vimal(a) from inside the machine: “Hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Solilo: “Don’t go there! Trust me, it isn’t a good sight!”

Me: “OK so let me get this straight… Smitha, AV and oorjas already did the tag. Now I have to also do it and list the names of women I’d find attractive if I were a guy, right? And then?”
Solilo: “Correct. And the test results will be fed into the machine. The trial software will start working again and Vimala will turn back to Vimal.”

Me (with an evil grin): “What if we don’t do the tag?”
Solilo and Vimala (together): “Noooooooooooooo!”
Me (taken aback): “What???”
Vimala: “Will you two stop debating and get around to the list already?!! You better get that tag done or else…!”
Me (smirking): “Or else what? I have half a mind to leave you that way, considering the tone with which you are ordering me around!”
Solilo (in horror): “Have you gone mad???? Do you know what a hideous creature this Vimala looks like?? She is an insult to our gender. The sooner we change her back, the better!”
Me (considering): “Oh!! In that case…hmm…”

Me: “OK so don’t I need to step inside the machine myself? How can I when it’s occupied by him…no, her?”
Solilo: “That’s ok…your imagination should do the trick. Besides, that machine won’t work without your test results anyway.”
Me: “But minimum 2 people have done it already, so why should I?”
Solilo (consulting the manual): “It says here the more the number of people, the better the results are. So no harm in going for it.”

Hmm…Alright! Fair enough! Vimala didi shouldn’t remain so as an insult to our gender. So might as well go ahead!

Here’s my list of 5 women I’d have a crush on, if I were a guy… and the reasons as to why so. (It is at times like these that a tomboyish bend of mind really comes in handy!). The list is given age-wise in descending order.

1. Vidya Balan – Hindustan Times newspaper's 'Brunch' Sunday magazine made a quote on her: "Men don’t want to have just sex with her, they want to fall in love with her." I agree...

2. Asin – The perfect indian figure begins with her... the right curves, the lovely features, the bubbly attitude, the chirpy conversation.... Aaand, she has the X factor in her to make it big. And she's smart too, considering she’s making a lot of progress in her career with careful well-planned steps. And as thinking through the mind of a man, let me disclose a secret.
We.
dont.
care.
for.
size.
zero.
Really!

3. Ayesha Takia - Few women carry off the beauty plus sex appeal together the way she does. As an actress she is under-rated (go watch Dor and you’ll understand). And for a change, she has no airs – this during a time when a cameo appearance in a two-bit film make people feel like they arrived in Hollywood. But…too bad she's already taken!

4. Sonam Kapoor - for her charm and her very earthy, Indian feel - 'Masakkali' song rocked with just her presence in it. She comes as a refreshing breath of fresh air in the world of made-up dolls and hi-fi glams. She is NOT politically correct … it pisses us men off after a point really! Speak up your mind, woman! Of course, the good pedigree - being Anil Kapoor's daughter - doesn't hurt either.

5. Shruti Hassan - OK this one's a no-brainer. Do I even need to start on this? Absolute stunner and all-rounder! Be it her music, good looks, intelligent replies in interivews, edutional background, immense talent… not to mention being born to two of the top artistes in the country I could go on and on and on! New kid on the block... long way to go. If I were a guy, I'd definitely keep an eye on her (and try getting her number as she reaches the top! :P )

Solilo (examining the list): “Hey this list is full of Indian women! And all of them movie stars! Where’s the pan-worldly appeal?”
Me (shrugging): “So I am feeling a little patriotic now! Go figure! Besides, you just needed the names of 5 women right? These were the ones I could think of quickly.”
Solilo: “Alright. Feeding the test results into the machine now!”

Outside, OG and Dhiren wait their turn patiently. Once the results are fed into the machine, it whirrs to life and lights start blinking.
Solilo: “Into the hands of Fate!”
She presses a bright red button at the top. Smoke starts pouring from the machine from all corners.

As the process works, I call Peanut aside.
Me: “Hey sweetheart, would you like to earn 10 bucks?”
Peanut (suspiciously): “How?”
Me (evil grin): “Simple. All you have to do is run from there to here with that tennis ball and trip again!”
Peanut (eyes widening): “And then? Goodness knows where that ball will go and hit!”
Me (even bigger evil grin): “That’s the idea!! hehehe”

But by then it’s too late and the doors of the machine start to open.

vimmuuu steps out on shaky legs, rubbing his eyes and looking himself up and down in the mirror to make sure it’s himself.
In the background, OG, and Dhiren let out whoops of joy.
The process of normalcy has begun…
well, as much as you can call these guys normal anyway!! :P :P

P.S.: The original list I made had Nigella Lawson, Madhuri Dixit and Sushmita Sen as well. But I changed them since the others who did it before me included them and I wanted an entirely new list altogether. Also under consideraton were the names of Riddhima Kapoor and Lara Dutta, but eventually only these 5 made it to the list.
P.P.S: All the pics given here are taken off the net from Google... I take no credit or responsibility for the same.

Matrimonial mish-mashes - Part I

2009-06-05T19:50:00.009+05:30

Note: This post was supposed to be put up after a couple of other entries. But what with matrimonial blues being in season (or in fashion :P), I decided to let this one get ahead. This one’s from the girl’s perspective! Enjoy, folks! :-)
And in case some of you get alarmed reading it, please understand that some parts have been tweaked or exaggerated to suit the theme. But otherwise, I’ve stayed loyal to the original plot.

It all started when my friends started getting married one after the other. It sent my parents into panic mode.
The trouble with having 4 sets of parents (my parents are separated and now happily remarried to their respective partners) and being on good terms with ALL of them is that you have 4 sets of parents after your life, urging you to get married! As if 2 weren’t bad enough! Heaven save me! [Now all I need to do is find a guy whose parents are divorced and remarried happily as well, and I'll have 8 sets of parents (and in-laws) to cater to... and I can cheerfully jump off a cliff!! LOL]

I had begun to visualise dramatic nightmares of all 4 parents sitting together around a round table wearing black hoods and masks like in the Hindi mobster movies and conspiring to get me married.
Dad (whispering): We need to finalise the deal
Mom (whispering): But how? She won’t agree..!
Step-mom (sinister tone): We’ll have to use chloroform!
Step-dad (threatening): The job has to be done before she wakes up!
Dad (whispering again): So let’s set up the venue and the boy. I’ll handle the rest!
And then the deal will be made, secret passwords and plans to work against me exchanged, and they will all slink away into the night in different directions…
OK so I have a hyper-active imagination! :D But honestly, doesn’t that sound like a perfect setting for a nightmare??

OK to set the stage: here’s a quick flashback to put things in perspective. Without my knowledge, my mom had put up my profile on one of the matrimonial sites. I raised hell when I came to know it and swore never to venture there (except for occasional entertainment to laugh at some clownish proposals :D ). For more than a year, the profile rotted there – until some days back, after incessant nagging from my parents, I decided to edit and spruce it up a bit. No harm in humouring them… that will keep them off my back for awhile. In the meantime I did come across a couple of interesting profiles and decided to have a preliminary round of discussion with my parents. We need to set expectations right first of all, isn’t it?

Given below are excerpts of conversation that took place between my dad and step-mom (with me and my younger bro as side-players). Discussion of online matrimonial profiles was on in full swing.

PROFILE 1:
Me: “He’s finished his B.Com and…”
Dad: “That’s it? The guy’s just a graduate?”
Me: “Um…yes?”
Dad: “Drop it. He isn’t worth it.”
What?!
Me (wailing): “But dad…!”
Dad: “No buts! He needs to have done his post-graduation atleast… That shows he is dedicated to his task!”
Er…come again? OK, this one I couldn’t resist.
Me: “Ok, but see what if the guy has done his engineering? It means 4 years of education total. When I finished my B.A. and went on for M.A. I took a total of 4 years too. Doesn’t that mean we’re both equal?”
Dad (looking flummoxed): “Er…”
It took him a moment to spot my cheeky grin and he snapped: “Smart-ass!”

PROFILE 2:
Me (showing him the profile of a fairly goodlooking guy): “He looks nice na… quite intellectual and mature…”
Dad: “Listen to me! The guy shouldn’t be too good looking…”
Huh?
“If they’re too good looking, they’ll attract too many women. Plus they are likely to be flirts. So you’re better off with someone not that handsome.”
Me (trying hard to keep a straight face): Right. Go for the ugliest bloke possible. Check!
Dad whirls around and glares at me: “That’s NOT what I meant!!”
Hearing this, mom butted in with her two cents.
Mom (in horror): “There’s no way I am going to tolerate an ugly, bald guy as my son-in-law!”
Sheesh! Since when did baldness enter the equation?
Me (timidly): “OK no baldness… what about grey hair? These days youngsters tend to have grey hair earlier…” I trailed off seeing the exasperated looks they gave me and shut my mouth for sometime.
Mom (after a pause): “That’s what hair colours are for…”
Sigh… Oh well, back to square one…

“Keep it coming!”
I looked up to see my bro standing there with a huge grin on his face. My eyes widened…
Surely that wasn’t a….
“Cam-recorder! I’ve switched it on! These will make awesome home videos. Plus I can show them to your hubby the day he…well… becomes your hubby I guess!” he countered cheekily.
Home-videos??? Oh my goodness!
I sprang off my seat in a flash and chased him. “Are you nuts?? Give that back!!” I screamed.
“No way!” he sprinted round and round the dining table, while keeping it in record mode. I won’t be surprised if it can be labelled as ‘rollercoaster ride video’ by the time it’s finished!

By the time I finally snatched it from him and realised he wasn’t really recording it at all, my bro had collapsed with laughter on the bed. “You guys are nuts! Why the hell are you getting her married off now? She has plenty of time. Wait till she is atleast 28…!” My parents gave him looks that could kill … “Oh right… umar beeth jayegi thingie…” he mimicked Mom. My parents glared at him with a look that said say-one-more-word-and-we’ll-stuff-a-sock-down-your-throat! He finally grumbled to himself and left.

PROFILE 3:
Me: “This guy works in the television industry as a creative director… his profile looks interesting. He’s added a touch of humour to his prof…”
Dad (cutting in): “No way! Television industry? Drop that!”
Me: “What? But why?”
Dad: “Media industry is full of freaks and womanisers. You are better off with someone who has studied something else.”
Me: “What??? Dad, I also belong to that very same industry!”
Dad: “I TOLD you that you shouldn’t have chosen that stream. Now it’s too late for you to change! Now don’t make this personal.”
What who where when…? OK now I’m confused! Where was this heading?

I throw up my hands in frustration. I haven’t even started on my expectations yet and already this is how things were heading. Going at this rate, we’ll have to artificially create a Frankenstein…er… I mean, Adonis and place him next to them to gain their consent!
Me (patiently): “Dad you have to be willing to compromise somewhere… be it looks, education, family, job or…”
Dad: “Money!”
Me (thinking I didn’t hear right): “What?!!”
Dad: “He need not have that big a bank balance. As long as he has the potential to earn it along the way…” his voice faded as he came to see the expression of horror on my face.

I concluded that my dad’s a sadist who wants to get me married to an ugly pauper. Jeez, that sure increases the list of suitors and reduces expectations alright!

That’s when my cousin made his appearance. Talk about saviours!
Mom (disappearing into the kitchen): “So what happened to that girl you went to see the other day?”
Cuz: “Oh that didn’t work out! I didn’t like the ladoos they served at that house.”
My head snapped up and I stared at him in shock. It took me a moment to spot the impish smile twitching at the corner of his lips.
And then came the best piece of advice I heard all day, as he took me aside and told me: “You believed that answer? You’re taking the whole thing seriously? You ought to be horsewhipped! Idiot! As for your “groom” hunt, don’t worry about it too much. Just take it as a journey… and somewhere along the way you will eventually run into the right person. Until then enjoy the experience… you won’t get to savour it again. Remember that! I honestly hope you don’t!! (OK he IS a wise-guy! :P) And besides, you need some howlarious stories you can narrate to your grandchildren right?”

Things didn’t sound so bad when he put it in THAT perspective! Anyway fortunately I eventually managed to convince my parents to postpone the search until after another year… although whether they have the patience to wait until then is a doubtful matter.

Now if this is the hulabuloo with one set of parents, I don’t even want to know the expectations of the other set – my mother and step-dad! LOL By the time they sort out a mile-long list of qualities for the bridegroom I will be in a state to be buried alive peacefully… along with the list of my own expectations for company!! :P (And for those of you who want to die laughing... they have actually commented in the comments section :-/ parents and their sense of humour, I tell you!!)

But I am sure I’ll be back with more interesting stories by then! Stay tuned for the second part… this series will continue … sigh… until I get married I guess!!! Until then…toodle-oo! :D

Faith...

2009-06-01T00:19:00.005+05:30

It is said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.

- Paul Coelho

Starting this entry on a sober note. I’m mourning the death of the father of one of my close friends… may the noble soul RIP. My friend is my former schoolmate… thus my age… and now shouldered with the responsibility of taking care of his family -his mother and younger sister- when he should actually be thinking about his higher studies or hanging out with his girlfriend. It is only during moments like these that you realise life is so fleeting… it takes only a minute to change everything.

I keep wondering…
How difficult is it to keep your faith during the tough times? And believe that no matter what, turns will turn out right one day?

They say faith can move mountains. I have always felt it’s either that you have complete faith in a person or you don’t at all. There is no in-between. I’d like to present the story below, to illustrate it.

I didn’t write it though… but I wish I had. I got this as a forwarded email, long back from someone. Just wanted to share it with my fellow-bloggers.

"Years ago, I was enthralled as I listened to a pastor who for several years had faithfully served the church. His executive responsibilities had taken him all over this country. As he concluded his message, he told of one of the most frightening yet thought-provoking experiences of his life.

He had been on a long flight. The first warning of the approaching problems came when the sign on the airplane flashed on: `Fasten your seat belts.' Then, after a while, a calm voice said, `We shall not be serving the beverages at this time as we are expecting a little turbulence. Please be sure your seat belt is fastened.'

As he looked around the aircraft, it became obvious that many of the passengers were becoming apprehensive. Later, the voice of the announcer said, 'we are so sorry that we are unable to serve the meal at this time. The turbulence is still ahead of us.' And then the storm broke. The ominous cracks of thunder could be heard even above the roar of the engines. Lightening lit up the darkening skies, and within moments that great plane was like a cork tossed around on a celestial ocean. One moment the airplane was lifted on terrific currents of air; the next, it dropped as if it were about to crash.

The pastor confessed that he shared the discomfort and fear of those around him. He said, `As I looked around the plane, I could see that nearly all the passengers were upset and alarmed. Some were praying. The future seemed ominous and many were wondering if they would make it through the storm.
And then, I suddenly saw a girl to whom the storm meant nothing. She had tucked her feet beneath her as she sat on her seat and was reading a book. Everything within her small world was calm and orderly. Sometimes she closed her eyes, then she would read again; then she would straighten her legs, but worry and fear were not in her world.

When the plane was being buffeted by the terrible storm, when it lurched this way and that, as it rose and fell with frightening severity, when all the adults were scared half to death, that marvellous child was completely composed and unafraid.'

The minister could hardly believe his eyes.

It was not surprising therefore, that when the plane finally reached its destination and all the passengers were hurrying to disembark, he lingered to speak to the girl whom he had watched for such a long time.

Having commented about the storm and behaviour of the plane, he asked her why she had not been afraid. The sweet child replied, `Sir, my Dad is the pilot, and he is taking me home.' "

- Author Unknown

The day I fell ... royally !!!

2009-05-22T00:46:00.002+05:30

Note: The story given below has been inspired from a real incident in the life of yours truly. Now which part is fiction and which part is real… I leave that for you to decide ;-)

I have started going to the gym these days. Initially it had been reluctantly because getting back into shape or even for plain fitness, is surely a horrendous task when you have been used to a lazy lifestyle for too long. But from the first day I joined, I have been suddenly struck by inspiration (read: the cute gym instructor I spotted on the 2nd floor)! From then on, I’ve been visiting the gym regularly in the vain hope to catch his eye…er… I mean, to improve my fitness and overall regimen.

Each day I’ve been trying to think of conversation-starters…with little effect. It’s bad enough trying to be at the gym in time to catch him – let’s call him Mr X for now, shall we? … but fortunately he has a set routine/timing, which makes it easier. Now to catch his attention! I began scheming.

I would occasionally keep glancing at Mr X, sometimes having to cran my neck in all directions to find him. It’s a task to spot him as well as to not topple over the treadmill in the process! By the fifth day of gymming, we graduated to smiles. He would keep popping in and out here and there. By the 2nd week, we had moved on to hi’s and how are you’s. But then came the road block. It just wasn’t moving beyond that.

So I kept scheming of innovative ways to chat up with him… without making it too obvious. My first attempt was to try to work on the queer looking machines about which I had no idea what they stood for. Whenever he passed by, I would pass an obliging smile trying to convey, “Please help me with this.” But to my bad luck, some other instructor would immediately rush in to help me as if his life depended on it. And this happened every single day. In short, it seemed like it was a conspiracy against me trying to get closer to him! Ugh!

Next attempt, try to run into him at the gym café. There were times I waited for him for more than an hour at a stretch with a lousy glass of lime soda for company… hoping that on his way out he’d come in. I shouldn’t be asking him out…that’d be un-girlish right? But giving him an inviting smile while sitting in a café – alone – might be good enough to pass the hint, right? Wrong! He waved his hi at me one day – on his way out and left !! Aaaaarrrgh! Maybe I was being the duffer and they probably had some rule about not fraternising with the customers??

At last one final day, he ran into me while I was trying to lift one of those impossibly huge weights. And thankfully, there was no other instructor in sight for a change! Hallelujah!! I passed a saccharine sweet smile at him and was about to open my mouth to ask him to help… when he actually shouted: “Kumar!!” to one of the other instructors and pointed at me. Huh?? I stood there not able to believe it! Did he actually do that? Kumar, one of the other instructors, immediately came over and helped me change the weights. Mr X smiled back at me sweetly and walked off. Grrr! @”£$%#^&!!! Mentally I abused him at my will and pleasure and walked off. Felt angry at myself for making all that effort. Some men are just NOT worth it, I told myself. Maybe he’s already committed. Or even gay! Who knows? *Grumble grumble*…

I was on the ground floor on my way out when I spotted him right next to the reception. He saw me, gave me a huge smile again and said, “Bye! Have a nice day!” I nearly growled back in response before slamming the glass door in a huff and walking down the steps outside. Who needs his smile anymore? Bekaar! When I reached the last step, I turned around and glared at him once more, but then saw he was engaged in deep conversation with the receptionist about some international issue. Yech! My glare also went to waste! Thinking such I trotted down the last step… but didn’t watch where I was going. Drastic mistake!

The rest seemed to happen in slow motion. I felt my leg slipping on the floor mat on the last step. Before I realised what was happening, I tripped and was air-borne. Frantically I tried to hold onto the stair railing or anything that could possibly be in my way. Nothing! My hand clutched at raw air. Oh noooo!!!

People fall normally right where they trip… or possibly a little ahead. But me? Nope. I had to do a Rajnikanth-style imitation and went flying about 10 feet through the air DIAGONALLY (yes, really! imagine what a sight it would have been) before landing with a thud on the hard cement floor outside the gym. Yeeaaaouch! I lay there stunned by the impact. But then slowly I realised the hurt was more from my ego than my body.
No bones broken, check.
Arms and legs working, check.
Only minor scrapes and bruises, check.
People gathering around me and staring at me like I’m an exotic zoo animal, check. Sigh…

Gingerly I tried to move and found my bones were in working order. Wincing, I tried to get up. And then the miracle happened. “Oh no! Are you okay??” said a voice. “Yea it’s ok…I’m fine… I just…” I replied, looked up. And froze. Wonder of wonders, there he was, peering down at me, his forehead knitted in a concerned frown. Without a word, he helped me up to my feet carefully and all my conversationalist skills flew out of the window, “Duh….”
“Are you hurt?”
“No. I mean yes. I mean… I don’t know.”
Huh? Say something intelligent, you dork! I told myself
“Come inside. I’ll see if you’re cut up.” He looked genuinely concerned as he led me inside to the medical room. I was still in caveman mode going “duhhh…” under my breath every 2 seconds. There he made me sit on the chair and inspected my elbows and hands. “No major cuts. Just some bruises and scrapes. Here… I’ll wipe them with some antiseptic and it’ll be as good as new.” All my earlier grudges forgotten, I was basking in his attention by now.

As he busied himself with the dressing and dettol, I kept trying in vain to think of intelligent conversation starters and failed miserably. That was when he turned around and I suddenly caught the tag-label on his shirt. It showed his name and below it was written: ‘First-Aid Instructor’. Whaaaat??? I nearly fell off my chair in surprise. No wonder he didn’t come to help me with the machines! It wasn’t his forte at all… he was concerned with health and injury, not gym equipment! I turned red in the face, feeling like a prized idiot.

“Are you in the habit of injuring yourself a lot?” he asked me, an amused smile on his lips. My head snapped up. What?
“No I was just asking because throughout the week I saw you try impossible stunts and weights on the machines, constantly running the risk of injuring yourself,” he grinned. I turned an even darker shade of red. He gingerly applied the antiseptic on my scrapes and I bore it with a brave smile, mentally reminding myself to yell once I got back home. “That was a nasty fall by the way. The cement ground must have been very hard. Be careful with yourself for a couple of days. You’ll be fine though,” he advised knowingly. I walked out unmindful of the pain, with an idiotic grin on my face all the way back home!

Well, his prediction about the hard ground became apparent only the next morning when I tried to get out of bed. I am still counting the number of bruised ribs and aches. Talk about falling for a guy - literally!
Holy moly, come on already… I can’t keep injuring myself each time to catch his attention!!

I have taken a break from the gym now thanks to the fall. Goodness knows whether Mr X will still be there when I go back. But hey… it wasn’t a total loss. I got some TLC (Tender Loving Care – for the uninitiated) from Mr X himself.
Plus, more importantly, I gained enough material for an entertaining blog entry :D
Yeehaw!

Three more 55-ers!

2009-05-14T21:38:00.011+05:30

OK this concept is really catchy. And addictive! Here come three more 55-ers in a row.
The basic element that runs through all these stories is the concept of ‘trust’ and its varying forms/consequences.
Read on…

She: “Sweetheart, I’ve left my home and parents for you. Please don’t betray me.”
He: “Relax, sweetie… tomorrow we are getting married.”
They sleep in each other’s arms.

Later, his mobile rings and he quietly sneaks out.
He: “The girl’s ready. Come before daybreak. Amount? Double or nothing! Else no deal.”
Inside, she slept peacefully…

* * *

Bunty complained, “When will Papa come home, Mamma? It’s been so long...”

“Papa’s a soldier, baby. He has his duties. Once that’s done, he’ll return,” she replied.
Satisfied, Bunty left.

She watched him, shed a lone tear & re-read the letter she received:
‘Dear Mrs Sharma, we’re sorry to inform you that your husband died in action…’

* * *

The third one given below was inspired from my blog friend ki’s post :-)

He knew being a hit-man is never easy. Life makes you take some tough decisions.
But today he was facing his toughest assignment yet.

His palms were sweating over.
His throat was dry.
But his aim didn’t flinch.

Carefully he aimed his sniper gun at his millionaire brother.
And his thumb closed over the trigger…

* * *

Lastly, adding something that's completely off-topic. In today's day and age of recession, alternative methods of income are always welcome. For cricket-buffs, here’s some good news. One of my good friends and colleague has started a mobile club/group. His venture is to provide free cricket alerts on mobiles which can be availed of by sms-ing ON CRICJOYCLUB to 9870807070, or by clicking here.
I wish him all the best in his new venture! :-)

My attempt at the 55-word fiction

2009-05-10T10:44:00.004+05:30

Decided to try my hand at the new fad that seems to be going around… the 55 word fiction post. Man, the effort it takes to cut the post down from 99 to 55! Especially the 60 to 55 cut is the worst because you just can’t seem to know which word to eliminate! But here it is finally! Hurrah! :-P

“It’s my wedding anniversary. I’m leaving early!” he declared. His colleagues stared & shook their heads.

After buying a flower bouquet en route, he reached promptly and walked in through the gates.

She was inside, resting. On the headstone was engraved: ‘Sanjana Mathew 1971-2007, RIP.’

He placed the bouquet on her grave and whispered: “Happy anniversary dear…”

Cat-a-chroniclesss

2009-04-28T00:53:00.006+05:30

Statutory warning: Every word of this post is true and not made up. There is some strong adult content here and kids are advised to stay far far away from this post. However it maybe perceived as boring by non-animal lovers. Proceed at your own risk.

These days I’ve been staying up almost every night for a guy. And it’s not even for the right reasons!

I have taken up the duty of taking care of him from other females who dare to encroach upon our territory… the vicious monsters. They’ve been visiting him from all corners and I want to keep my sweetie safe. I’ve been head over heels for him ever since I set my eyes on him.

OK, wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. In case you’re wondering who I'm talking about, take a look here.

He’s my 2 year old sweetheart… it was love at first sight when he was brought to my house around 2 months old. He stared at me with his beady eyes, opened his mouth with a cute ‘meow’ and I fell hook, line and sinker for him. Of course, it helps that pets are my weakness – er, ONE of my weaknesses! We named him Sunny – partly because of his colour and the other hoping he’d be the sunshine of our lives.

But now that he is mature enough to have his own kids, or atleast his own mate, it is truly unfortunate that he has been having the worst possible luck regarding it. You see, we already had a feline named Lucky [see pic] who was 2 years old when he entered the house. Now Lucky took to Sunny very fast and looked after him like a son. She cared for him like a baby and remained very protective of him. Now the moment puberty set in, Sunny like any other tom-cat, started hitting on Lucky. Now the self-righteous female wouldn’t hear of it! Incestuous beast! She wouldn’t have to do anything with him! No, I am NOT kidding you!! She hasn’t once paid attention to him after that and refuses to be in the same room as him. Hell hath no fury like a woman..er… betrayed I guess?

Cats are supposed to have nine lives. Sunny has used up three of it already by falling off our 2nd floor balcony thrice after drooling over other females (cats of course!) near the house and he STILL emerged unscathed. Man, talk about persistence! Humans could learn a thing or two from that! Hmm…or probably it’s height of desperation!
So as of now both the cats in our house were born as virgins and from the looks of it, are likely to live and die the same way!

Coming back to the present, Sunny, who sleeps on the balcony at night, has been getting nocturnal visitors. At first we thought it was some female company but we were only partly right. But then later we realised that behind a female kitty, there is also a male making his rounds there. Cat fights (and I do mean the literal ones with growling and hissing and fur flying) have been taking palce regularly at night and we have all been awakened by that more than once. So now I have been made temporary gurkha by my considerate family to ward off pesky outside nuisances from Sunny, because apparently at the end of the cat fights, he comes out literally something like the cat dragged in! Poor him!

Hmm wait a minute…both a tom-cat and a kitty together coming in search of him? Is it that the tom-cat’s girlfriend is attracted to Sunny thus he sees Sunny as competition? I have no idea. I sure hope he ain’t bisexual! Do cats have such orientation anyway?
New twist in the tale: now that the new cats have started to make their appearance, Lucky has to started realise her ex-love…er….son? is in demand after all and has started paying more attention to him.

And they say Hindi movie love stories have all the drama! This one would beat them all hollow! I am still wondering where this complicated feline story will lead to and whether it will have a happily ever after setting at all! You know what… maybe I should sell my idea to Yash Chopra! Or maybe even the script-writers of The Bold and The Beautiful ... befitting for a soap opera in which you are not sure who is paired with who anymore! What say, guys n gals? :-D

My 10-second relationship!

2009-04-05T13:04:00.003+05:30

I miss the days when you could go ‘aww…’ over kids and they would preen back in delight. Nowadays you need all your wits to manoeuvre your way around Gen-Y.

This is what happened. There was a function at my house and my neighbour’s son also had dropped in. Mind you, the kid is not a day over 8 years old (or possibly far younger).

Cute little tyke. He danced like a live wire to the music and charmed the pants off everyone. Finally when he was about to leave, my grandmother introduced me to him. “That’s our neighbour’s son.” I peered down at him and smiled, “Hi!”

Without blinking he eyed me from head to toe, then looked straight up at me and shot out: “Ithu aarude pennaa? (Whose girlfriend is she?)”
HUH?! Whatever happened to “hi how are you”?

My jaw dropped in shock, and I blinked at him, not knowing how to react. I was vaguely aware of people around me laughing. “I..er..” I stuttered.

And then out of the blue, he turned shy. “I am leaving,” he said, turned around, and blew me a flying kiss. I decided to humour him. I laughed along with everyone, blew a flying kiss right back at him and said, “Sheri njan ninte pennaa! (Fine I’ll be YOUR girlfriend.)”

Apparently it just wasn’t my day. He stopped short, looked at me suspiciously and mouthed one word: “Goodbye!” Yeesh!! Guys, I tell you! There’s no pleasing them!
“Broke up with me already? That was fast!” I stared at him bewildered. He grinned, winked at me and left, a whistle playing at his lips.

There goes the shortest relationship I’ve ever had in my life! All of 10 seconds! I ought to be setting a record for the Guiness Book!

Kids today! Hmph! Go figure! :-/
I guess life’s irony lies in the fact that his name is Aashiq! No kidding!
Cheers!!! :-D